How I Kept A Commitment

A couple of weeks ago I was invited to participate in a blog tour. The woman who invited me was Monica Devine.   I have never met Monica, who I've since learned is a writer, poet and photographer and is the author of five books for children, but we shared a mutual connection in Suzi Banks Baum. I've known Suzi personally and professionally for a long time and contributed to her Anthology of Babes: 36 Women Give Motherhood a Voice.

It's hard for me to say no to Suzi so it was hard to say no to Monica. Which has everything to do with why I said yes. That and the idea that this "tagging" was an experiment in digital sharing and might increase my current following as well as help me to sell some seats in my new workshop series. Yes - I am admitting that some of my reasoning for accepting the invitation was purely mercenary.

Now here I am, the day before this post is scheduled to run and wondering what I was thinking!  I love the idea of writing about my writing process, but my to-do list these days resembles triage - and writing about my writing - well - it seems like a luxury for another time.

But I made a commitment. And I am not one to back out of a commitment. So I have set the timer and am getting down to the business of writing - which brings me to the first question I was given by our blog tour coordinators.

How does my writing process work?
The timer is at the core of my writing process and the subject of my book, It Takes An Egg Timer, A Guide to Creating The Time For Your Life. Yes - I practice what I preach. Sometimes the muse hits me and I am drawn to sitting in front of my big iMac and letting the keys fly. Most times it is something that I make myself do. Something that given the option  I will avoid in lieu of cleaning my entire apartment or stalking people on Facebook. 

Setting the timer is part of my ritual. The gentle ticking sets the space and reminds me I am serious about getting some work done.

I'd like to tell you that I am disciplined enough that every morning I sit and write for a few hours before getting to the other stuff I do. But that would be a lie and at this point - something I only aspire to. 

While I write everyday, when it comes to my bigger projects I am still a binger at my core. It is how I started when I was still working a corporate job and penning my first novel. 

Reading all that you might be asking the next question.

Why do I write?
If it sounds like such torture and at times something I avoid, why on earth write at all?  I suppose my answer - because I have to and because I need to and because I love to - might sound like some fetish in which there is pleasure derived from pain. Maybe. But the answer that feels the most real is because this is how I make sense of life. Writing is how I find my answers to my questions. When I don't write, breathing becomes more difficult as does life. And when I do, it all flows easier.

What do I write?
I have no specific genre. Which as a marketer I will tell you is not the best way to develop a loyal, core following but as a creative entrepreneur in a digital age, I will tell you that it's okay to experiment with different genres and let the muse lead the way.

When I first got serious about writing I thought it would all be novels, like my first book, The Secrets They Kept. Then I started blogging. I found I had a lot of opinions on life and work and with that a readership.  My love of marketing was renewed when I immersed myself in digital and suddenly there was more to write about. And more ways in which I would write. Blogs. Books. Workshop curriculums. While I have a few big projects in the works, I expect the next book will be a version of this new workshop - Your Digital You. So stay tuned.

When I started writing this post I had no idea how I would be able to keep this commitment I made to Monica and indirectly to Suzi. I didn't know what I was going to write about, how this possibly fit in with anything else I did, much less who in the world I was going to find to be next on the tour in the eleventh hour.

Now that I am almost done it is clear. I did what I know works. I stopped procrastinating, I sat in my chair, I set the timer and I wrote - without judgment. I surrendered to the process and not only did a blog materialize but a writer to pass the baton to.

Next up -  Jami Kelmenson is a freelance writer and blogger living and loving in NYC. She's a contributing author to the “Flying Solo” chapter of the self-improvement book, "The 52 Weeks: Two Women and Their Quest to Get Unstuck…".  Her “single girl” essays have been published by Match.com’s Happen Magazine and The52weeks.com.  She also blogs about books for ShelfPleasure.com, a destination spot for women who love reading. Read of her ongoing “tales of travel, life, love and the pursuit of getting published in NYC” at her personal blog, “Two Men and a Lady (and an RV).


One more thing before I go...
Your Digital You - the blueprint - a workshop designed to improve your digital presence kicks off this May! Can you tell I'm excited?  First date available is May 8. Seating is limited - truly - so reserve early! I promise it will be informative, relevant and fun!

25 Things I've Learned From The Experiment - Day 30 !

So here we are. The last day of the great experiment. 30 consecutive blogs later - mission is accomplished! For those of you who have followed my every word, a great big thank-you for your encouragement, your comments and your sharing with friends.

I've learned so much! So for my last post on this leg of my journey I've compiled a list of the 25 things that are - at the moment - my biggest take-a-ways. Some of this is brand new information. Some a reminder of what I had forgotten. I'll leave it to you to figure out which is which. 

1-The more I write, the more I write.
2-The more I write, the more I have to write.
3-The more I write, the more other stuff gets done.
4-Nobody reads as many blogs on the weekends.
5-The more honest and vulnerable I am, the more the reaction.
6-The subject of bragging as a good thing is apparently quite controversial.
7-Publicly announcing your intentions is a good tool for accountability.
8-Those moments where I don't want to hit publish because I think my writing is just not good enough, never go away - no matter how much I write.
9-Inspiration does not come when you are looking for it and worried if something will stand the test of time or not.
10-Inspiration comes when you observe and take notice.
11-Inspiration comes when you are in a groove.
12-It's never just about the writing. It's about the listening.
13-Anything I set my mind to can be achieved. The key is to not over think the process.
14-I have a lot to say about a lot of things.
15-Trying to predict what will get a lot of page views never works. Nobody cared much about Jerry Seinfeld's new video series. 
16-My egg timer theory does work.
17-Deadlines are a good thing.
18-Lists are fun to write. Tips are great to share. But writing story  that resonates - like the day I left the building for the last time- is the best.
19-When someone tells me that when they read my blogs they feel like I'm having a conversation with them, my day has been made.
20-Writer's block does exist, no matter how many people want to tell you it's a myth.
21-Forcing oneself to get one's butt in the chair, and shut off all possible electronic distractions is one way to get past it.
22-So is taking a break, going for a walk and trusting the muse will arrive and with her the words.
23-My voice is what works best here. Trying to make it popular, to please others, to write something that gets all sorts of new traffic to my site is not what this blog is about. Never was supposed to be. If that goes against all the old and new rules of marketing, so be it.
24-That I am still in awe of those who manage to post every day, 365 days a year.
25-That it's possible for me to do it too - if I so choose.


I'll be back soon - just not tomorrow - with my next blog. Until then.

The 140 Character Universe

Sometimes there are just too many words. 

Yes, that was me who wrote that. A writer at her core. A person who needs words. Lots of them to express herself in the way in which she wants.

But sometimes less is more. Scratch that. When it comes to words, less is always more. 

Writers are taught to clean it up and to show me, don't tell me. It's ingrained in the head of a writer. The little bird sitting on your shoulder - asking - is that word REALLY necessary? 

Of course, today everyone is writing. If not the great American novel, chances are somewhere in the course of an average day a line or two is posted on Facebook, a Tweet is sent to your tribe, a shout out on Google+ or perhaps a cute little hook on Instagram. At the minimum you've sent at least one email or text message.

If someone has not told you about the less is more concept, you might not make your point.

-You might try a blog post that runs the length of one of those articles in Vanity Fair, which is great for a juicy magazine article, but considered a ramble for a blog that should run between 350-750 words.

-You might respond to someone else's blog post in 410 words with no beginning, middle or end that leaves the reader wondering what your point was and longing for the excess time that you seem to have.

-You might never get a retweet because the original tweet was just too long and there was nowhere to cut it down.

-That email you wrote to pitch a new client never got read because the reason for the note was buried somewhere in the fourth paragraph.

-The text you sent was so long it came in three sections which explains why your boyfriend still doesn't understand why you're mad. He never read it.

If your intention is being heard - or in this case read - get to your point. Keep it concise. Don't make us wonder what your point really is. In a world where our attention span has shriveled to that of a goldfish, there just isn't time to go wasting a lot of words.

Twitter forces the practice. For better or for worse. On the one hand it is a challenge to get to the point in just 140 characters (120 if you'd like your message retweeted). On the other hand, it forces us to get clear on what we want to say. 

But even if you're not tweeting, the point of all this technology is to connect. The 140 character message won't always work, but it's a good barometer - especially if you want to make your point. 

50 Shades of Envy

I admit it. I am jealous, hexed, completely thrown off balance. Out of seemingly nowhere, an erotic trilogy surfaces that serves up a great big seven figure advance to the author. Seven figures! The fantasy number for any would be or already published writer out there. The one you think is only possible if your writing reaches to that high level of literary distinction that will allow your books and your name live into perpetuity, like Emily Bronte, or William Shakespeare.

At least that is the way things used to be. No more.

The Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy is not that kind of writing. Nor is that of Amanda Hocking, another recipient of the seven figure prize. I doubt we'll find that in the memoir of Amanda Knox when that is published. Or in that of Andy Cohen, the 40 something  Bravo executive whose memoir also landed him a number with seven digits. And don't get me started on Sarah Palin's $1.25 million advance. But that is the way things work today. If a corporation thinks they can make a lot of money really, really quickly they'll advance. Good writing is secondary to the equation. ( Note that in the case of E.L. James and Amanda Hocking both were already selling books like crazy and Amazon bestsellers before a Big Six publisher even considered pulling out their checkbook to write a number with that many zeros. But that is the subject of another blog.)

Don't get me wrong. I liked Fifty Shades of Grey. Enough to read the second in the series, Fifty Shades Darker. Last night I dove into the third, Fifty Shades Freed. And I've recommended it to my friends. Do I think it is great writing? No. But for its genre it is very well done and rather addictive and I'd like to think that once Vintage Books, a division of Random House, gives it a real edit, it will read a bit smoother than it does now.

Was it worth the $9.99 I paid for an e-book? Absolutely. This is entertainment reading, a chance to escape into a fantasy world that makes you laugh at the absurdity of it at the same time you turn the page to find out what will happen next.  And for the record, I am not a suburban housewife, though the trades will tell you that is the only group reading it. There are many, many urban singles and working mothers who are staying up late with Christian Grey. Rick Santorum take note. As one of your colleagues said, sex is popular, as is reading about it.

But back to my jealously. It's created a bit of writer's block.

Questioning what I am writing and why I can often struggle over one word when self-editing when others can repeat the same adjectives page after page, as if they have never read it twice and rise to the top of best seller list. Is success in anything...be it writing or a business or a traditional career path, not about honing skills but more  like the lottery? You buy a ticket and you play to win but it's anyone's guess whose got the right combination of numbers. Today it's E.L. James. And while I am envious, her success also offers hope. She wrote what she wanted to, she wasn't afraid to put it out there and the Universe has responded with a resounding seven figures. Or at least Vintage did.

What do you think about the extraordinary success of 50 Shades of Grey?
Have you read it? 
Do you think it warranted a seven figure advance?

They Won't All Love You

One of the hardest adjustments I had when I first became a manager was adjusting to the fact that not everyone was going to love me. In fact they may not even like me.

Up until then that is what I strived for. As a salesperson, one learned to go out of their way to make sure they were liked. After all no one was going to buy your wares if they didn't like you first. Even back then, in the late eighties, when the world was less cluttered, there were still a lot of media choices. Being likable helped.

Now that I was a manager, I was told not to worry about whether I was liked, as long as I was respected.  I was going to make decisions or be responsible for enforcing someone else's decisions. To think that every single person affected by my choices was going to be happy, was not just unrealistic, it was impossible. It took adjusting, but I got used to it. And the stronger I felt in myself as a professional and as a woman, the easier it became.

That is not to say that I wasn't tested. That young girl inside of me who just wanted a sense of approval by  making everyone her friend could still make an appearance. She still does. I am still tested.

Sometimes it is on a sales consulting project. Sometimes with a potential new coaching client. But the times that really test me are when it comes to reviews for my novel.

I've been lucky. Most of the reviews so far have been beyond favorable, enough to make me certain I am indeed a writer. But every now and again I get what I consider a mediocre review,  3 stars instead of 4 or 5. Or a few days go by and the Like button on Amazon hasn't moved. And I am back there. Not understanding. Unsure of my self-worth in this new place I've chosen to stand. Longing to feel the approval of being liked. Being tested. Remembering what I was taught. Remembering what I would tell a client.

They won't all love you. They won't all like you. Strive for respect.

The Kindle edition of The Secrets They Kept is on sale for just $.99, now through Valentine's Day.