Why Desires Are Better Than Resolutions And Goals

I gave up writing resolutions years ago. Apparently I am not alone. Less than half of us make them - just 45% - and of those who do less than 8% achieve them. It seems the odds are that you are doomed before you start.

Goal setting is another thing I am not a proponent of. From where I sit, goals are a masculine term better suited for the football field, the boardroom or the budget review. It implies a win or lose proposition and ignores progress. Maybe my distaste for the word is a hangover from my corporate days when I witnessed teams chastised when they did not make budget, even though they were growing in double digit percentage points from one year to the next. Whatever the reason, I think it’s a term that lacks juice and seeks to motivate from fear.

That’s why when I am starting a new project - or in this case a new year - my list of what I want to create, achieve, and/or do differently is a list of desires.

Yes, desires. 

A distinctively feminine word that is guaranteed to make one smile. Which from where I sit, is a much better way to start creating change than a list of resolutions you made up in your head because you or someone else you know thinks these are things you should be doing.

We don’t hear much about desire lists in mixed company, because our culture equates desire most readily with sex as opposed to creating change in our lives. But if you look at the definition of desire - “a strong feeling of wanting” - it seems to me that is the place to start from if you are really serious about making something happen - professionally or personally.

• Desires are something you can feel in every cell of your body -  not just a lofty goal that you might or might not really believe possible.
• Desires get to the truth of what you want to achieve. If you pay attention your body will let you know if you are on to something  or not.
• Desires imply that you can have fun along the way, a novel concept for task masters, but one that still will lead you to your - here comes that word again - desired outcome.
• Desires invite the Universe to take a part in the co-creation of whatever it is you want to do.
• Desires can still make you feel uneasy and at times a bit uncomfortable - but more likely not out of fear that you will fail, rather that you might succeed.
• Desires force you to believe that what you want is indeed possible. 

This is not to say that I think creating change is as simple as writing a desire on a piece of paper and - poof - just like that it will magically appear.  

Desire requires discipline. In order for a desire to manifest, you still need a strategy and a game plan of specific steps to take towards that desire. Writing those steps down establishes true intention. Action is key. 

For example, if one of my desires is to write and publish two more books this year, that has no chance of happening if I don’t set aside time on my calendar each and every day to write. 

If I desire to be published in The New York Times, I will need to submit articles.
If I desire to make YOUR DIGITAL YOU available as an online course by March 1, I must start by upgrading my website to accommodate that.
If I desire to grow my ONE-on-ONE Consulting, I need more outreach and to make it easier for people to sign up.

See how that works?

Whether it is resolutions, goals or my preferred method of writing desires, if they are not front and center each day, we forget about them. They get lost and we become part of the 92% who never see what they want come true.

So this year I am trying something a little different. I wrote all of my 2015 Desires on scraps of paper. I read each one out loud and allowed myself the luxury of feeling that desire with my whole body before I folded it up and placed it inside of a mason jar that now sits on my desk and will every day this year.  

I might add a few new ones along the way. I will most certainly open that jar from time to time to see how I am doing.  But I will not lose sight of them. 


Special note: I have already taken a step towards one of my desires. It is now easier (and more affordable than ever) to sign up for a ONE-ON-ONE Consultation with me. Details here!

The First Thing You Need To Do To Improve Your Digital Profile

Improving your online digital profile is not as complicated as most people think it is. In fact, it starts with this very simple exercise I offer in my YOUR DIGITAL YOU workshops.


I ask people to Google  their name.

I know it sounds crazy, but I am always astounded by the number of people who tell me they have never done this before.

So go ahead.
Try it now.
Click this link and type in your name.

The second part of the exercise is to answer questions like these:

• Do you like what you found?
• Is the information recent or outdated?
• Are the results telling the story of who you are as a  brand?

We go a bit more in-depth in the workshop, but you get the gist. If it's all matching up to the picture you want to paint then give yourself a big round of applause.

It's possible that it all happened by accident, but the odds are it's because you have been putting attention on your online self.

You get that people such as....

• Potential clients
• Prospective employers 
• The referral you just got through your business partner
• The cute guy you gave your card to at your college roommates birthday party

......are Googling your name to find out more. 

You're keeping up with life in the age of digital. 

Of course if you are like most people, you have not been giving it any real consideration. In which case I suggest, if you are in NYC on November 13 you sign up for my last in person YOUR DIGITAL YOU -  the blueprint - the workshop designed to improve your digital profile of 2014. 

If you can't make that date - be sure to sign up to follow this blog or my newsletter to stay informed of future workshops in 2015.

Whatever you choose to do - put some attention on this! Your online you deserves consideration as much as your in-person you does.



YOUR DIGITAL YOU can be brought in-house to your business or organization and customized for your industry. For more information on how that works email me today.

What You Need To Know About Your Social Networking Style

I’ve always been style conscious. It’s the way my mama raised me. I combed fashion magazines and browsed through boutiques from an early age, not just searching for bargains, but for ideas on how to put outfits together.  For me, fashion is an artistic expression of who I am, in that moment, for that occasion. 

I’ve had periods in my life where my style fit a certain category -  classic, edgy, romantic, conservative or trendy - until the day I realized I didn't fit just one label and that my style was a unique and authentic expression of who I am - a part of the statement I make about my personal brand.

So it's no wonder that I approach my social network interactions with the same consideration.

I’m not talking posting pictures of my newest shoe purchase - although there might be a moment when I do exactly that. I’m talking the style in which I choose to interact on social networks. In an age when 74% of online Adults use social networking sites and 87% of all US Adults are online, this deserves some thought. 

So I ask you - do any of these styles sound like you or someone you know?

The Traditionalist - They engage - but not too much. They share without comment so we don't really know what they think - but what they share tends to be useful. They know they have to have some digital presence but secretly wish this social networking thing would all go away. They definitely put thought behind their posts - perhaps at times, too much.   

The Lurker - The Lurker has a social profile, most likely limited to Facebook to stay connected to family and friends and LinkedIn for professional reasons - but they don’t engage. They observe. They know everything every one of their friends does online. They'll tell you at a cocktail party how they read all your blogs and how much they enjoy them but never once liked or shared any. They're the person who comes to the dance but never dances.

The Trendsetter - The Trendsetter is not afraid to speak their mind. They share their own ideas and they share others ideas. They seek to influence. They look to see what is trending on Twitter but they also harbor a deep seated desire that one day a hashtag they create will trend worldwide. 

The Spewer - This is the person that any little thing that pops into their heads they feel obligated to share - like what they had for breakfast that morning or what they think of that car that just cut them off. There is no thought nor any concern for how something might land or what the repercussions might be. They tend to shoot from their hip which appears to be connected 24/7 to their Facebook feed. It’s never once crossed their mind that what they are saying now lives for eternity on the Internet. 

The Erratic - You might at first glance confuse the Erratic with the Spewer. This is because while there is no consistency in their social presence, when they do decide to interact they try to make up for lost time by posting a dozen links, one after the other, without coming up for air and usually unrelated to each other. There might be something really terrific in there they are sharing - but you'll never find it because it is resembling the Spewer, who you stopped paying attention to a long time ago. 

The Attention-Getter - Like the Spewer it might at first glance seem as if there was absolutely no thought whatsoever in that seemingly inconsiderate or irreverent comment they just posted or outlandish picture they put up on Instagram - but the truth is - there probably was. Think Miley Cyrus. Her social network interactions may seem to have occurred in a moment of haste, but my personal belief is that they are part of a grander marketing plan created with intention.

 

The Non-Responder - They post. Constantly. All day long. They may even have a huge following - in the hundreds of thousands. But they never acknowledge a comment. They want to be heard. But they are not interested in listening. They seem to not understand that what has made  social networking grow exponentially is that it is about engagement and conversation - not simply pushing messages. Think the big corporation who is using new digital tools and old marketing methods.

The Eclectic -  The Eclectic mixes it all up. They interact differently on different social networks. They are more likely to press pause and think before hitting publish. They understand that engaging as a two-way street is what makes social networking so powerful. They think. They understand their personal brand now lives online - forever and that they are in a position to take control. They know their digital selves might very well be the first impression someone has of them and that there is no delete button on the Internet.

This is where I strive to live. 

But no matter which style category I fall into on a particular day, the one constant is that in the same manner that I pause to check the weather before I choose the shoes I wear, I take a moment to think before I post. 

What about you?

How YOU Fascinate

I became a fan of Sally Hogshead in 2011 after reading her book, Fascinate - the 7 Triggers to Fascination and Captivation.  The premise of her work is that in an overcrowded, 24/7 world our ability to fascinate translates into our ability to influence - whether we are talking about our products or our personal brand.

The first time I took her Fascination Advantage Assessment I admit to being a bit skeptical. Twenty-eight questions that take as little as five minutes to answer seemed unlikely to provide me with any information that I could use. 

Let me say, I was wrong. The insight the assessment gave me was pretty amazing. This is a sample of what I got.

There is a lot more detail in the report than this image - and I will say - yes - I found every bit to resonate.

I was hooked. 

I started to recommend the assessment to anyone who worked with me. I find it extraordinarily useful when someone is working on their digital profile and personal brand to understand how the world sees them and how to use that to their advantage. 

I've incorporated it into my digital marketing class. Capturing someone's attention is no easy feat in a world where our average attention span has now shrunk to eight seconds - less than that of a goldfish! Learning what can trigger our fascination is useful information and what better place to start than learning how we personally trigger fascination.


Sally's newest book, How The World Sees YOU - Discover Your Highest Value Through The Science Of Fascination, releases on July 1. Needless to say - I can hardly wait to read it! And in fact, I am so excited I am including a copy of the book along with the Fascination Advantage Assessment in the price of Your Digital You - the blueprint - the workshop designed to improve your digital presence on June 24.

But now there is even more!  The How to Fascinate Team has very generously offered me a special code to spread to my networks that allows you access to the assessment -valued at $37 - for FREE wherever in the world you happen to reside! 

All you need to do is go to this link , enter the code YDY to create a user account and get started!  Just keep in mind that this offer is limited to 1000 people and expires on July 24!!

The more we know about ourselves the more advantages we have in all aspects of our lives - online and offline. This is a great tool to get you started! 

The #1 Reason People Ignore Their Digital Profiles

Before I started working with people on improving their digital profiles I thought what was holding back most from paying attention to how they looked online was fear.

Fear of all these new tools. The little things like deciding which social network is best for their needs and how to find a Google+ community that makes sense

Fear of losing their privacy. Creating that LinkedIn profile that now broadcasts our work histories to the world can be a little disconcerting at first - even if the truth is that information can already be found online if one looks hard enough.

I was right about there being fear. But wrong about which one looms much greater than how to use digital tools and worries over privacy. 

The biggest fear is getting to what our story really is. 

Asking ourselves the  tough questions -

Like what do I do?

Why do I do this?

Who do I serve?

And the real stumper - what makes me remarkable?

Watch what happens when you ask someone that question. Most start to shake. They'll look away, contort their face into a grimace, pretend the question wasn't asked. There might be a nervous giggle and more than one is ready to back out of the room.  

And few believe me when I tell them there is something remarkable about all of us. We just have to take the time to look at ourselves - not just as we see us - but as Sally Hogshead says - the world sees us.  

What I Learn From My NYU Students

I teach for a lot of reasons. At the top of the list is because I genuinely enjoy it. I like my students. I like educating. I like encouraging people to think.

I also teach because I like learning. Anyone who has ever taught, and taught well, will tell you that teaching forces you to know more about a subject than you would otherwise. It keeps you at the top of your game.

But that is only part of what I learn. I also learn what my students teach me.

I tell them that going in. That I expect that I will learn from them. For starters it's a graduate class in digital marketing. The subject matter is a work in progress with new tools and new approaches occurring every day. It's impossible to know every single detail, but we need to try. Sharing what we find is our best hope to stay ahead of the changes. 

But there is more to what I learn than that.

The majority of my students are international. The global perspective they bring from sharing something as simple as how in Taiwan 7-11 is a much bigger part of the community than simply a place to buy a Slurpee enriches my classroom. It also forces me to slow it down and think more carefully how I might explain a concept since for many English is not their first language. I can't assume because something is widely understood in the US, it is in the rest of the world. They teach me how to present better in the classroom. The bonus is it hones my skills for when I am working with my outside clients.


I've learned that just because one generation is inherently more comfortable with technology, does not mean with that comes an understanding of how to use all these new tools strategically.  Generations need not be divided by technological advance but rather help each other as we learn this new stuff by getting our hands dirty - together.

Most importantly they teach me by offering  what Arianna Huffington calls "third metric" moments in which I can define my success not by power or how much money I am making (trust me - adjuncts are not highly compensated employees) but in having changed someone's way of looking at something.

When a student tells me I "inspired" them or thanks me for "seeing their potential" or "encouraging" them I am keenly aware of the ability we all have to make a difference in someone's life. 

I will never forget the student who this semester when I asked the class what they got out of their midterm presentation in which they were required to present themselves as a brand in three minutes, said the one thing she did not expect was that the experience would make her fall in love with who she was again.  

Moments like that make me downright teary eyed and others just make me smile. Like the email I got yesterday from a student who just finished the semester with me and "had to share" how she experienced first hand the power of connection that social media affords us when she shared a picture on Instagram of her favorite bakery.

What I learn from my students - it's why I teach.


ps. You don't have to be an NYU graduate degree student to  have me teach you. Your Digital You - the blueprint - a workshop designed to improve your digital profile returns with two dates in June - 6/12 and 6/24. Use the code EARLYbird for a special discount.

pps. My workshops can be customized and brought in-house to your company or organization. Email me for more information.

10 Plus Reasons You Need A Digital Presence

Friday night I spoke at a career conference. This week I have a new business call. Neither of which would have happened without my digital presence. 

The conference happened because of a Facebook connection who had been following me. It was because she liked what I shared and how I presented myself that I received the invitation to speak.

The second was the result of a Google search for digital profiles that brought up a Forbes article I had written. They liked what they read enough to research a bit more about me  - online - after which they reached out in an email.

That's enough to convince me that the time I spend on my digital self is worthwhile. But perhaps you are not as easily convinced. For you, I offer ten more reasons.

• You are your own brand. Jobs will come and go but the brand that stays with you forever is you. Today the way you, as a brand, show up online is as important as the way you show up in person.
• Your online footprint is a reflection of who you are, what you've done and what you'd like to do.
• If you don’t tell the story you want people to find - Google will.
• 94% of recruiters use or plan to use social media in their recruitment efforts.
• Prospective clients, employers and business opportunities are searching for you - online - in advance of a meeting just as they do with any major purchase.
• The lack of a digital presence sends a signal you may have something to hide.
• Traditional resumes are a formality. They don’t engage - they bore. 
• Sharing is the new currency in a digital world. Your digital presence allows you to share your views and relevant content with like minded people and to position yourself as an expert and influencer. It's an opportunity to grow your business and expand your networks.
• The line is increasingly blurred between professional you and personal you. You may run your company - but your company's brand presence alone is not enough.
• First impressions still count. The difference is now they happen on line.

The reality is - no matter who you are - business professional  to entrepreneur - CEO to salesperson - your digital you opens doors, creates new connections and keeps you marketable and relevant. It deserves your time.

How I Kept A Commitment

A couple of weeks ago I was invited to participate in a blog tour. The woman who invited me was Monica Devine.   I have never met Monica, who I've since learned is a writer, poet and photographer and is the author of five books for children, but we shared a mutual connection in Suzi Banks Baum. I've known Suzi personally and professionally for a long time and contributed to her Anthology of Babes: 36 Women Give Motherhood a Voice.

It's hard for me to say no to Suzi so it was hard to say no to Monica. Which has everything to do with why I said yes. That and the idea that this "tagging" was an experiment in digital sharing and might increase my current following as well as help me to sell some seats in my new workshop series. Yes - I am admitting that some of my reasoning for accepting the invitation was purely mercenary.

Now here I am, the day before this post is scheduled to run and wondering what I was thinking!  I love the idea of writing about my writing process, but my to-do list these days resembles triage - and writing about my writing - well - it seems like a luxury for another time.

But I made a commitment. And I am not one to back out of a commitment. So I have set the timer and am getting down to the business of writing - which brings me to the first question I was given by our blog tour coordinators.

How does my writing process work?
The timer is at the core of my writing process and the subject of my book, It Takes An Egg Timer, A Guide to Creating The Time For Your Life. Yes - I practice what I preach. Sometimes the muse hits me and I am drawn to sitting in front of my big iMac and letting the keys fly. Most times it is something that I make myself do. Something that given the option  I will avoid in lieu of cleaning my entire apartment or stalking people on Facebook. 

Setting the timer is part of my ritual. The gentle ticking sets the space and reminds me I am serious about getting some work done.

I'd like to tell you that I am disciplined enough that every morning I sit and write for a few hours before getting to the other stuff I do. But that would be a lie and at this point - something I only aspire to. 

While I write everyday, when it comes to my bigger projects I am still a binger at my core. It is how I started when I was still working a corporate job and penning my first novel. 

Reading all that you might be asking the next question.

Why do I write?
If it sounds like such torture and at times something I avoid, why on earth write at all?  I suppose my answer - because I have to and because I need to and because I love to - might sound like some fetish in which there is pleasure derived from pain. Maybe. But the answer that feels the most real is because this is how I make sense of life. Writing is how I find my answers to my questions. When I don't write, breathing becomes more difficult as does life. And when I do, it all flows easier.

What do I write?
I have no specific genre. Which as a marketer I will tell you is not the best way to develop a loyal, core following but as a creative entrepreneur in a digital age, I will tell you that it's okay to experiment with different genres and let the muse lead the way.

When I first got serious about writing I thought it would all be novels, like my first book, The Secrets They Kept. Then I started blogging. I found I had a lot of opinions on life and work and with that a readership.  My love of marketing was renewed when I immersed myself in digital and suddenly there was more to write about. And more ways in which I would write. Blogs. Books. Workshop curriculums. While I have a few big projects in the works, I expect the next book will be a version of this new workshop - Your Digital You. So stay tuned.

When I started writing this post I had no idea how I would be able to keep this commitment I made to Monica and indirectly to Suzi. I didn't know what I was going to write about, how this possibly fit in with anything else I did, much less who in the world I was going to find to be next on the tour in the eleventh hour.

Now that I am almost done it is clear. I did what I know works. I stopped procrastinating, I sat in my chair, I set the timer and I wrote - without judgment. I surrendered to the process and not only did a blog materialize but a writer to pass the baton to.

Next up -  Jami Kelmenson is a freelance writer and blogger living and loving in NYC. She's a contributing author to the “Flying Solo” chapter of the self-improvement book, "The 52 Weeks: Two Women and Their Quest to Get Unstuck…".  Her “single girl” essays have been published by Match.com’s Happen Magazine and The52weeks.com.  She also blogs about books for ShelfPleasure.com, a destination spot for women who love reading. Read of her ongoing “tales of travel, life, love and the pursuit of getting published in NYC” at her personal blog, “Two Men and a Lady (and an RV).


One more thing before I go...
Your Digital You - the blueprint - a workshop designed to improve your digital presence kicks off this May! Can you tell I'm excited?  First date available is May 8. Seating is limited - truly - so reserve early! I promise it will be informative, relevant and fun!

How Digital Tools Can Work - A True Story

One of the requirements in my NYU graduate class is creating a blog. It serves two purposes. A place to complete the weekly homework assignments and a vehicle through which my students can learn experientially what it means to create and publish content.

I encourage them all to tweet out their posts and to interact with influencers online. That's always a challenge and one I easily relate to. It's one thing to complete a homework assignment. It's quite another to put that out into the world and to try and make friends with strangers. It's a scary place, not unlike the one I wrote about earlier this week.

But this is what can happen when you do.

The assignment last week was to find an example of newsjacking, a term defined as "the process by which you inject your ideas or angles into breaking news, in real-time, in order to generate media coverage for yourself or your business" and popularized by David Meerman Scott . One of my students wrote her post on what the London Hilton Hotel did to ride the news cycle around an event called Blue Monday,  a concept created a few years ago to spotlight what is considered the most depressing day of the year - the third Monday in January. 

Here's how Sonia used social media to get more attention to her post.  She tweeted the link and included David Meerman Scott in the tweet. David is one of those rare marketing people that actually practices the concept of social engagement - as opposed to just talking about it - which is just one of the many reasons I choose his book, The New Rules of Marketing and PR as the text for this class.

He read the blog and tweeted her back. 

This accomplished a few things. It made Sonia very happy. She got to see first hand, in real time,  how social media can connect. It's also a great example of CRM on David's part. David is a marketing influencer and Sonia now feels a greater and more personal connection than she did before and is more likely to help spread his messages.  And it put her blog link into his Twitter feed with his 104,000 + followers. 

When I saw what had happened I had to jump into the conversation. David already knows I use his book as our text but I wanted him to know Sonia was one of my students. 

The moral of this story is that this stuff works! Digital tools allow us to make new connections, expand our sphere of influence and overall - improve our digital profiles. 

In this case it also gave me material for a blog and a great segue to promote my new workshops! Your Digital You - the blueprint - a workshop designed to improve your digital presence.