Gratitude Needs No Holiday

Don't get me wrong. As far as holidays go, Thanksgiving ranks among my favorite. There is no pressure to buy gifts. No religious affiliation. No preparation besides the actual meal.

Thanksgiving is easy. It's about sitting around watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, pretending football is of any importance and eating more food than you usually do - without guilt. Not that I usually sit around or watch football. But that's beside the point. The point of this holiday is about giving thanks.

It dates back to 1621 when the Plymouth colonists and the Wampanoag Indians shared an autumn harvest feast but it was not until 1863 in the midst of the Civil War that President Abraham Lincoln declared a national day of Thanksgiving to be held each November.

My point is that we shouldn't need the excuse of a holiday that comes but once a year to express our gratitude.  

It seems to me this should be an every day occurrence. We should listen to the wisdom of Deepak Chopra who advises that gratitude is the doorway to abundance. Or listen to Regena Thomashauer who will tell you unacknowledged good turns to shit.

We shouldn't need an excuse but apparently we do. 

We've gotten so conditioned to always look for what's missing that we forget to acknowledge what is sitting right in front of us. From the big stuff like the generous pay raise to the little stuff - like holding the hand of someone we love.

We forget.

So we need the reminder. We need to force ourselves to sit still long enough, our bellies stuffed full of turkey, mashed potatoes and pecan pie and say Thank-You.

I am grateful.
For all I have been blessed with.

For my friends and my family
For the work I get to do
For wonderful clients
For fabulous students that keep me on my toes
For my readers
For this incredible city I get to call my home
For the gift of waking this morning to a new day full of possibilities
For sunshine and blue skies
For rain pelting against my window pane
For....

See - this is what happens when you take the time to be grateful. Once you get started it feels so good - it's hard to stop!

Gratitude does not need a holiday nor should it. But I am most grateful it has one. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Mark your calendar! I'll be reading my essay from An Anthology of Babes: 36 Women Give Voice To Motherhood along with the editor and creatix of this wonderful book, Suzi Banks Baum on December 5, 2013 on the UES. Hope to see you there!!


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Why Bragging Is Not A Bad Thing - Day 19

I used to think bragging was bad. That it was arrogant and was evidence of an overly developed ego. 

That idea was reinforced growing up. The message I got was that it was better to appear humble and not make a big deal of your achievements.  The underlying Greek superstition was that if you talked too much about something good, you were going to give it the evil eye and everything would go to hell in a handbasket.

I've always been such a good student that I carried what I learned through most of my adult life. What that meant in my career was that as good as I was externally promoting my value, I wasn't as good internally in the companies I worked for. In my naivety, in what had been ingrained inside of me from childhood is that I didn't have to. My value would be recognized. I would be rewarded without having to point out why. Plus I was a woman. Bragging was something men did. Nice girls don't brag.

I can almost LOL reading that line back to myself.

My opinion about bragging changed ten years ago when I met Regena Thomashauer. Bragging in her book is a celebration of who you are and what you create. It's owning those milestones, big and small and allowing yourself to physically feel the full effect of what you've accomplished. 

The Internet is full of so many people touting and promoting themselves that its easy to see why bragging is still seen as a bad thing to so many. 

But when you brag from a place of truth and not made up hype and gobbledygook jargon it lands differently. 

You get to feel your worth.

You're reminded that you actually have accomplished an awful lot - even though you were not taking the time to notice.

You get ready for more.

It's not easy to do in the beginning - but like so many exercises, the more you practice the better you get.






note: I BRAG this is Day #19 of a 30 Day Experiment!!! Here are the details on how it all started.

Books Make Great Gifts

'Twas the week before Christmas and the last thing you feel like doing is shopping for gifts. So here is my list of suggestions that in most cases with free shipping and expedited delivery you can order from the comfort of your home while sipping a glass of wine, baking cookies and watching your favorite holiday movie classic. (note: these gifts also work if your holiday season is Hanukkah or Kwanzaa)

You'll notice that they are all books. Yes, books make great gifts. You can give the good old fashioned kind printed on paper or gift an e-version to the person in your life who reads electronically. Note that the option for e-gifting on Amazon works for iPad readers as well that have a Kindle app. You'll also notice that this is not as self-serving as it might seem. Yes, I suggest The Secrets They Kept for the fiction lover in your life,  but I also have others to share. I really do believe books make great gifts. These are a few of my favorites, all of which I am proud to say have a spot on my bookshelf. 


Shoe Are You
for the shoe lover 
This delightful book, complete with illustration, is the first of its kind, offering  advice for your life, your wardrobe and career -- all based on your footwear. If you are a stiletto girl, ballet flat girl, cowboy boot girl or even a barefoot girl, you will find out what your shoes say about you. Written by shoe expert and TV personality Meghan Cleary.


Using the Power of Pleasure To Have Your Way in the World
for the woman who is looking for more pleasure, every day, every where
Relationship expert Regena Thomashauer teaches the "womanly arts" of identifying your desires, having fun no matter where you are, owning sensual pleasure, befriending your inner bitch, and flirting. It's no secret that this book changed my life.


No Excuses: 9 Ways Women Can Change How We Think About Power
for the woman who wants to know not just how to make change, but why it is needed
More on women and power, this time from feminist icon Gloria Feldt. What I love about this is not just the very useful tools she shares but the historical perspective and anecdotes that point to the elephant in the room that too many pretend doesn't exist anymore, that as far as we have come, inequality for women still exists.


Secrets of Six-Figure Women
for the woman who is looking to create a new world order around her finances
Yes, I seem a bit obsessed with secrets. I also have a bit of an obsession for the wisdom of financial expert  Barbara Stanny. This is is just one of her many books in which she helps women develop a better relationship with their money. This one gives you the skinny on what the high earning women she interviewed know that you don't.


The Secret Pleasures of Menopause
for the woman who is near or at "that age" and is looking for the rainbow
There is that secret thing again, not to mention pleasure. Mmm. Is there a theme here? I digress.  I realize that for some of you the idea that menopause might bring anything more than hot flashes seems like a very cruel joke. But joke it is not. Dr. Christiane Northrup will show you that this can indeed be the best time of your life. Also by the enlightened and brilliant Dr. Northrup, Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom, and The Wisdom of Menopause.


Testing for Kindergarten
for the mother of young children in your life
First, let's set the record straight. This is not just a book that will help you get your child into private school. Karen Quinn has written a primer that every parent should read on how to make learning fun for your kids. And when learning is fun, those school applications, from kindergarten to college will be a lot easier to take.


The Secrets They Kept
for the fiction lover looking to discover new writing voices
Can you blame me for inserting one more self-serving plug here before I wrap this up? This engaging story about the long kept secrets of a Greek-American family has been called "a true page turner", "an excellent debut novel", "a telling lesson in honesty, or how the lack of it can disrupt our entire lives", " a roller coaster ride of intrigue" and a  story in which "Women-strong women- take center stage....distinguishing it from your run of mill novel." 


In closing and in full disclosure I have the distinct honor and yes, pleasure of knowing each of these authors on a first name basis. Each has contributed to my personal journey over the last several years. Their wisdom has added to my wisdom. And that is the greatest gift of all. 




What's your favorite book to give as a gift?

Community

This past weekend I spent on the beach in Miami in the midst of  a community I  discovered seven and a half years ago. I was pretty resistant to this group when I first stumbled upon them. They were a bit too happy for me, a bit too positive, a bit too believing in the idea they could create anything they wanted.  But I had one of my hunches that I best not dismiss this too quickly. That Regena Thomashauer and her School of Womanly Arts were on to something. So I signed up for one course which led to another and then another and watched as my life changed.

It was there that I first had the courage to say out loud that what I wanted to be doing more than anything else was to write. It was there I started to believe I might actually be good at it.  It was there I began to see a picture not yet in focus of a life that looked different than the one I was living at the time. It was there that I found a community that supported me in whatever I chose to do. And it was there that I learned the foundation that stopped me from getting all crazy and doom and gloomy when I got my pink slip two years ago.

Until I met Regena I did not really understand community.  Yes, I was raised in a large, supportive and loving family, but believing in yourself and going for your dreams and what made you most happy was not part of the culture or the times. Yes, I had many wonderful friends and colleagues that became my friends. But my core believed  that whatever I wanted to achieve in life would be about what I did. I could do it alone. I did not need any help. I had limitations.

I had no idea how wrong I was.

This past weekend amidst pink sunsets and palm trees I was reminded of what I only first started to learn when Regena got her hands on me. That everything happens faster when community supports you. That doubt gets erased when the faces you look into believe in you when you don't. That transparency and authenticity are more scary but a much fulfilling way to live. That dreams do come true if you give them the space and the support they need to manifest and surround yourself in the energy that allows them to breathe.

Community

Regena's curriculum is not for everyone. She is outrageous and courageous and will push you to the edge of your envelope if you dare. I am forever in gratitude that I took and continue to take that challenge.

This weekend I soaked in not only the sun, but the warmth of community. I remembered how essential it is to a life well lived. I remembered that it is critical to not just believe in yourself but to surround yourself with others who remind you of your strengths and who believe in you too. And most of all I was reminded that this thing we call life is a practice and if you want to get good at living a pleasurable one, as Regena would say no matter what falls in your path, you need to keep your community around you. They are the ones who help to light the way and to remind you when your practice needs practice.



Do you have a community that supports you and lifts you or do you have one that holds you back?
Do you believe you can do it all yourself or do you reach out for support?

Shameless Self Promotion

I've always been a good promoter. It comes with the territory when you spend as many years in sales and the advertising world as I did. But it was usually for someone or something else. Rarely myself.

However, things change. As an authorpreneur with a growing coaching practice, I am learning that self promotion is necessary and can actually be fun once you take the shame out of the equation.

I  learned the art of bragging in the first class I ever took with Regena Thomashauer. Regena would use the analogy that you meet a man at a cocktail party and he could brag unashamedly about his golf score to the point you might believe he was ready for the pro circuit.  Ask the woman next to him what she does for work and in a rather small voice she might mention her latest book was just selected for a Pulitzer Price, qualifying  that it's really no big deal.

Women more than men have clung to the idea that we  live in a meritocracy, where good work will be rewarded but more importantly noticed. I learned that to be a myth. That without speaking up and bragging about our achievements, we might never get noticed or worse passed over because someone whose work wasn't as good had a louder voice.

It's more important than ever that we get past what Kelly Watson calls the myths of self promotion in  a recent article at ForbesWoman. There are a lot of big voices out there in our 24/7 world. There can be no shame in self promotion.

It's not an easy thing to do. When my detox tech series was published as a column in ForbesWoman last week I thought nothing of posting it on Facebook and Twitter, but when it came to sending an email to my non social networked group of friends to brag about it, I had to take several deep breaths and wait for the combination of cultural and familial messages that had been embedded in my psyche that this was wrong to do passed  before I could hit send. Old habits, die hard, but they must die.

For anyone who is reinventing, starting their own business or looking for the next move in their current career, shameless self promotion will serve you well.

In this month's Oprah Magazine, Donna Brazile says this on accepting compliments. "I thought acknowledging praise meant you were arrogant, but I've learned that knowing your strengths enables you to make use of them."

And that is what I think is key about self promotion. Learning what you are good at, owning it,  believing it is worth sharing and letting it be known.

Tales of Reinvention: Janne Kouri

My father had his first stroke in October of 1985.  When most of us think stroke we think brain impairment. But our family rarely likes to do anything conventional. While my father had full use of his speech and intellect he was left unable to walk.  The doctors are not particularly encouraging when it comes to anything involving neurological issues. They use words like never, words no one wants to  hear.

At 63 my father was by far the youngest man on the spinal injury floor of Magee Rehabilitation.   Most of the other spinal injury patients were victims of tragic accidents. But they all had one thing in common. Blocking out the word never as they relearned how to  literally  put one foot in front of the other.

I spent a lot of time on that floor. I witnessed courage and fear.  I saw the joy in the eyes of these men when they made the slightest little bit of progress and the frustration when their bodies refused to cooperate with their determination.

I remember the look on my father's face when he took his first steps. A man who stood six foot one and had survived active combat in WWll was now finding  joy shuffling one foot in front of the other and   being able to stand with the help of a walker and a team of therapists behind him.

That memory caused me to burst into tears when I saw the video of Janne Kouri learning to walk again.

I learned of Janne through my friend Regena Thomashauer. Janne was a young, strong man just starting out in life  when a simple dive into the Pacific to cool off after a game of beach volleyball left him paralyzed.

He was told he would never walk again.  There are  a lot of things he could have done with that information. Janne chose to block out the never part and instead reinvent his life from where he now found himself. His experience showed him that there was a need for affordable, community based state of the art fitness facilities for people like him, the physically challenged. He and his wife Susan took a tragic accident and turned it into  a non profit organization called Next Step Fitness .

It has been twenty five years since my father's spinal injury. They are still telling the people this happens to never. I am not a fan of the word never. I believe it holds us back from what is indeed possible. My father did learn to walk again, but for him his heart was not as strong as his will.  Had it been he would have loved to have had a place like Next Step Fitness to go to.

So many of the spinal injuries happen to young people who still want a healthy and active lifestyle.  Next Step Fitness can help them. I invite you to support them with a donation or perhaps a ticket to their fundraiser on May 20 in NYC.  You can go to www.nextstepfitness.org to find out how.

Sometimes we choose to reinvent our lives, other times something happens that forces us to do so.   In either case, there is no place for words like never.