Gratitude Needs No Holiday

Don't get me wrong. As far as holidays go, Thanksgiving ranks among my favorite. There is no pressure to buy gifts. No religious affiliation. No preparation besides the actual meal.

Thanksgiving is easy. It's about sitting around watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, pretending football is of any importance and eating more food than you usually do - without guilt. Not that I usually sit around or watch football. But that's beside the point. The point of this holiday is about giving thanks.

It dates back to 1621 when the Plymouth colonists and the Wampanoag Indians shared an autumn harvest feast but it was not until 1863 in the midst of the Civil War that President Abraham Lincoln declared a national day of Thanksgiving to be held each November.

My point is that we shouldn't need the excuse of a holiday that comes but once a year to express our gratitude.  

It seems to me this should be an every day occurrence. We should listen to the wisdom of Deepak Chopra who advises that gratitude is the doorway to abundance. Or listen to Regena Thomashauer who will tell you unacknowledged good turns to shit.

We shouldn't need an excuse but apparently we do. 

We've gotten so conditioned to always look for what's missing that we forget to acknowledge what is sitting right in front of us. From the big stuff like the generous pay raise to the little stuff - like holding the hand of someone we love.

We forget.

So we need the reminder. We need to force ourselves to sit still long enough, our bellies stuffed full of turkey, mashed potatoes and pecan pie and say Thank-You.

I am grateful.
For all I have been blessed with.

For my friends and my family
For the work I get to do
For wonderful clients
For fabulous students that keep me on my toes
For my readers
For this incredible city I get to call my home
For the gift of waking this morning to a new day full of possibilities
For sunshine and blue skies
For rain pelting against my window pane
For....

See - this is what happens when you take the time to be grateful. Once you get started it feels so good - it's hard to stop!

Gratitude does not need a holiday nor should it. But I am most grateful it has one. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Mark your calendar! I'll be reading my essay from An Anthology of Babes: 36 Women Give Voice To Motherhood along with the editor and creatix of this wonderful book, Suzi Banks Baum on December 5, 2013 on the UES. Hope to see you there!!


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The Practice of Gratitude

I believe in the practice of gratitude. I believe if you don't make time to acknowledge what you have, you're never going to make room for all that you would like. Which is pretty contradictory to the Greek superstition I grew up with where you were encouraged not to acknowledge your good fortune. The folklore invoked a fear that if you did, you'd put the curse of the evil eye on it, and you'd be left with nothing.

That gives you an idea of why it took me so long, not to mention a lot of work, to get through my thick Greek head the importance of taking time on a daily basis to be grateful. I'm talking about getting specific. Finding ten gratefuls in your life and writing them down. Better yet, sharing them with someone else.

Some days it's easier than others. But I've learned that it's when the challenges are the greatest, and we have to really dig within to find them, that we surprise ourselves with what we come up with. I've also learned that the more we practice it, the easier it is to find what in our lives we have to be grateful for.

May Your Thanksgiving Be Stuffed With Gratitude! 

Please note that you, my readers are listed in the list below.

My Gratefuls: Thanksgiving 2012

To create your own word cloud visit Wordle. It's really easy and a lot of fun!

The Pause After The Storm

This morning I got an email from Bloomingdale’s with the eye catching header, “ Just In: Coats You Can’t Live Without.” I’m aware enough to know that email was preplanned and already in the cue to be sent. That whoever prepared it had no idea that it would go out and be received at 9:30AM, the Tuesday morning after Sandy brutally wrecked havoc through the Northeast, hitting among others, three different states I have lived in.

Still, I couldn’t help but wince. I couldn’t stop thinking of all the people without electricity or running water, whose homes had been destroyed, some of whom the storm cost them their lives.  Who at the moment are living without so much of what we consider in 2012 to be modern day necessities. People, who if they had power and access to a computer right now, might like me, find such a solicitation a bit offensive.

Bloomingdale's was not alone. There was more in my inbox. News of the Kardashian sisters enjoying a sunny outing in Miami, an invitation to treat myself to a new skin cleanser, and one who knowingly sidestepped the storm and offered a cooking lesson and promoted a new cookbook.

Did they really think that while the winds were howling past my window last night and I worried about the crane next door swinging into my building and when my mother would get her electricity back, I was also thinking I needed a new skin cleanser and maybe a new recipe? 

I know. Life goes on after the storm. There is money to be made. Let’s move on. Get past it. Blah, blah, blah. I was once a sales director and now an entrepreneur. I know the lingo. But seriously, even the NYSE took a break today!

Now I'm about to suggest something radical here. So make sure you are sitting down.

Instead of starting to pretend a history making storm is not a big deal and start peddling our wares again before the last drop of rain falls, perhaps we all just take a moment to express some gratitude and put the sales pitch on hold. If you're feeling really wild and crazy, give it the whole day!

I know. Really drastic, right?  To suggest, to stop worrying about the money, albeit briefly, and say thank-you for what you got? 

I, personally, am humbled with gratitude today. For a safe, warm home that is not knee deep in water. For a hot shower. For power. For Internet access. For my fail-safe, old-fashioned land line. For my brother going to get my mother today.  Most importantly I am grateful that at this moment everyone I know and love is safe and well. 

We are a nation with short term memories. We like to forget the bad stuff as quick as we can and get back to the business of making money. We are fed the dialogue as marketers to take advantage of every situation, no matter what, not pausing to think, that maybe we should, for just a moment, think and do the right thing. We don't stop enough to appreciate what is. And we have a lot to appreciate.  

If Hurricane Sandy left me any lesson, it was a reminder of just how lucky a girl I am. I’m going to seep in that today, before I start peddling my wares again and or go worrying about a coat I just can’t live without.

In Gratitude For My Mom

When I was younger I lived in fear that my mother would die when I turned 17.  As I grew closer to that age I would lay awake at night, the street light casting its shadow on the shag carpet in my bedroom,  terrified, often counting down the months and days we had left. I never went to my mother to tell her how scared I was.  This was the sixties. It was a rare family that talked about feelings and fears. Most of us had parents who grew up in the Depression and survived WWll. Food, shelter and clothing were their top of mind concerns not a young girl's imagination run wild.

But it was not just something my creative mind pulled from nowhere. Like all good fiction it was based on a kernel of fact. My mother had lost her mother when she was 17.  I grew up thinking that everything that happened to her would happen to me at exactly the same time.

Turns out I had my own life to live and part of that has been the gift of still having my mother by my side at 88 and going strong. Like any relationship that lasts this long, we've had our share of ups and downs. Years of only knowing how to speak to each in a high pitched voice filled with impatience and disagreeing on everything from my new hairstyle to why she insists on frozen broccoli when fresh is so easy to come by.

The big turning point happened within the last decade. It seemed to coincide with me learning to like me more. You see it turns out we are similar in many more ways than a strong physical resemblance. The source of our disagreements over the years were those hot buttons we each had, the things each of us did not like in ourselves was even harder to take in when we saw it mirrored back.

Then I  took my very first class at the School of Womanly Arts with another mama I am in gratitude for, Mama Gena. I had little idea what I was signing up for at the time, but I will tell you the last thing I thought it was going to get me was a better relationship with my mother. But it did.

Something happened as  I learned to love me more. I started to look for what was right and not wrong in me. I started to embrace my imperfections  right along side the stuff I was proud of. So when I saw those qualities in my mom I reacted differently. It didn't anger me. It made me smile.  And in turn she discovered more of her own adorableness.

Mom tells me we started out with her teaching me everything and now she learns from me. That is what happens when you are as lucky as I am, to be a fiftysomething woman who still has her mama to hold her hand. Things change. And as she likes to remind me, these days it is her holding my hand.

To you Mom, I am grateful for your laughter, your warmth, your generosity, your sense of style, the way we can laugh and be silly,  teaching me to cook and bake and the importance of family and connection. Most of all I am grateful for your unconditional and never failing love. Happy Mom's Day!

Me and Mom

Unexpected Acknowledgment

I am a big believer in acknowledgment. I thank people when they do something nice for me, whether it is opening a door or buying me dinner. I try not to take even the most simple kindness for granted and recognize those around me, from the stranger who might offer me his seat to those closest to me for their generous and unwavering support. I even thank my Twitter followers when they like my post enough to retweet it to their friends.

I think it is good karma. You get back what you send out. Yet I am always surprised when I am the one receiving acknowledgment. I rarely expect it.  It took a long time but I've learned how to  gracefully say thank you. Still, as my Aunt Jean remarked to me recently it is much easier to give than to receive.

I was especially caught off guard when I received a note stuck in between all the bills and catalogs in the mail over the Thanksgiving weekend. Yes, there was actually good old fashioned mail in there, the kind in the form of a letter, handwritten with a stamp on it. Nothing  electronic about it.

But what amazed me the most was the content. It was a thank you note. For no obvious reason. I had not given the sender a gift or helped with a project. I had not recently hostessed a party or cooked them dinner. It was not from a client happy with the results of our coaching sessions or a reader that really likes my writing.

It was a simple note of gratitude for me and the role I have played in their life.
Wow, huh? 
That's how I felt.
Humbled. Appreciative. And yes, as is par for the course for me, with tears in my eyes.
I was moved.

Because you see, I really didn't know.  Yes, we get along well. Yes, I have offered my advice solicited and unsolicited countless times. It's what I do. Yes, we are family by marriage and so there is connection. But I hadn't really known how they saw me. And it meant something really great to hear it.




Do you acknowledge others in your life for no apparent reason?
What would happen if you did today, if you sent someone a note and let them know?
If you used the phone instead of a text message?
Go ahead, I dare you!
Extra credit if you use snail mail!

The Abundance Challenge

I've been working on creating more abundance in my life. That can be a little challenging in today's world. The media wants me to stay fixed on lack. They can't seem to help themselves from feeding off the fear factor that there just isn't enough to go around anymore.

Our 24/7 information cycle likes to focus on what is missing. Gratitude seems to be absent from their equation. Too many of us get caught up in the spin. I try not to.

You see I believe in Universal law which simply stated is if you want more, whatever more looks like, money, love, relationship, home, a new pair of shoes, you have start from a place of gratitude for what you have now, however small and paltry it might look in someone else's light.

This is not easy. Even for one who practices it as I. Just last week when I sent out my first ever newsletter, I noticed myself mired in the four people who chose to unsubscribe. For a few minutes I sunk into that place of lack, forgetting about the dozens who sent me personal notes of congratulations, not to mention the rest who did not unsubscribe. I caught myself. I let myself be really grateful. I focused not just on saying the words aloud but on feeling it.  And just like that I had more than four new subscribers to replace the others. No kidding!

We forget to be thankful. Especially when life poses those really difficult tests. We forget to express gratitude to ourselves, to others, to whatever power we  might choose to believe in that is greater than us. We often lip sync the words and forget that true gratitude is more than words. It is a feeling.

This isn't easy. It takes work.
But it is the kind of work that can be fun if you let it.

I challenge you this holiday to make a list of what you are grateful for. It doesn't have to be pages long. A short list of ten will do.

I further challenge you to share that list with whomever you are fortunate enough to spend the holiday with. And if by chance you are spending a quiet day at home by yourself with a turkey sandwich and a good book, pick up the phone and call someone. Share that list. See how it feels. Let me know what happens.


In gratitude, for you, my readers and for living in a world where I can have a blog on which I can write and publish whatever I so choose, without fear!


Joanne

In Gratitude For Willis Carrier

If you live in the North East and have not taken a moment this week to thank Willis Carrier you should . He is the man who is credited with inventing the first modern air conditioning system in 1902. The genius behind the cool air blowing through our homes and offices that has made the last few days bearable.

If you're as old as me you remember when air conditioning was considered a luxury. It was an option when you bought a car that you paid extra to get.  Schools had fans, usually near the teacher's desk which most likely she had bought herself.  If you were lucky enough to have an air conditioner at home, chances are it was only in one room of the house. In our case it was my parent's bedroom, a noisy, clunky apparatus protruding from the casement window that I begged to stand in front of. I'd argue that one of the reasons so many of my generation fell in love with the movies was that the price of a  ticket came with air conditioned comfort.

Until the late 1950s  this modern day miracle was limited to the workplace with the goal of increasing productivity. Yes we can thank Corporate America, greed and all,  for the rapid expansion and development.

It's hard to imagine getting along with something we now expect to have and to be working properly no matter what.  Especially this week.  But then  the world moved a lot slower before things like air conditioning. You didn't have to worry about getting so much accomplished in one day, so if the heat slowed you down, it was OK. People understood.

Now we take it for granted. Like so much else in our high tech, fast paced world, in which there is   a constant din of yelling and finger pointing  about all the things we think are so wrong, all the things that need to be fixed,  how bad everything is that we forget to take time to be grateful for something as simple as air conditioning. We lead pretty cushy lives but we forget that many of us had grandparents like I did, who crossed the Atlantic in a crowded ship that did not serve happy meals much less provide air conditioning.

We marvel at the miracle of the Internet and high speed communication yet a little over a hundred years ago something we consider so basic today was just as much a miracle.

So thank you Willis Carrier. My unit has been humming along this week, providing me relief and keeping me cool. I am grateful.