Thursday, July 4, 2013

Doubt - You Devil - Day 3

Doubt is the devil in disguise. No matter how certain you are that what you are doing is the right thing,  that where you are is where you are supposed to be, that who you’ve chosen to keep close personally are the right people, doubt will find you. It will test you. Some days it will get its hands around your neck and try to choke the life out of you.

At least that’s been my experience.

I have met doubt head on countless times in these last five years. Often it came disguised in the form of a person who I thought was a supporter. Who questioned  my choices. Who waited anxiously for me to do what they predicted. Give up. Go back to working in a job that had lost its juice for me. Who believed and still does that there is no other way than the corporate way.

Those people tested me. They tested my resolve. Forced me to acknowledge my truth.  And for that I am grateful. 

They also reminded me. My worst fear was and has been - having to go  back to living a life pretending that it was okay to rationalize my not being happy in exchange for a guaranteed paycheck every two weeks.

So why is doubt on my mind today?

Because it's the 4th of July!

Our ancestors pushed past their doubts - and I am sure there were many - to pursue their dreams of a better life and to fight for what they believed in. 

It’s also the first anniversary of the death of my friend Joe.

I was in the midst of one of those attacks of doubt when the phone rang and it was his cousin calling to tell me the news of his passing. It didn't take long for my tears to wash away my uncertainties.

Death has this way of reminding us just how short life really  is and how important it is to do what you want to do, what you are meant to do and with whom. Without a doubt.

I would have preferred another reminder that day not to doubt myself,  but Joe always liked to make his point in a big way - this time with fireworks as his exclamation point. 

Happy 4th of July!

note: This is Day #3 of a 30 Day Experiment. Here are the details on how it all started.

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