How To Choose Your Social Networks

I live in a city where on any given night there are hundreds, if not thousands of cocktail parties I could attend. But even if I had the desire and the invitations to go to every single one, it would be physically impossible.

So I choose where I want to be.

Sometimes it's to learn something.  Sometimes it's to be social. Other times my interest is to network professionally. Sometimes it's solely to avoid doing stuff I should otherwise be doing.  On occasion, I show up somewhere because there is nothing else to do. 

Once I get to where I am going there are more choices to make.

Unless it is a group under ten people, chances are I will not be able to or want to talk to every person in the room. 

So I make decisions. 

Maybe I'll seek someone out because I heard something about them that interested me and wanted to meet them.

Perhaps I already know them and want to reconnect.

A conversation could start over a shared like of that last hors d’oeurve tray with the fabulous crab cakes that just went by. 

Maybe we'll start talking because I overheard their conversation and wanted to join in.  

Sometimes it's just a look across the room that tells me I want to meet that person.  

Other times that person is the one approaching and making the decision. 

But there is a process that involves choice.

The same choices hold true when it comes to online social networks.

Without intention, focus and a set of boundaries, each can be boring and an enormous waste of time. But used properly they both can serve an equally important purpose.

To connect humans with humans. 

Special deal extended through February 14!

Why Desires Are Better Than Resolutions And Goals

I gave up writing resolutions years ago. Apparently I am not alone. Less than half of us make them - just 45% - and of those who do less than 8% achieve them. It seems the odds are that you are doomed before you start.

Goal setting is another thing I am not a proponent of. From where I sit, goals are a masculine term better suited for the football field, the boardroom or the budget review. It implies a win or lose proposition and ignores progress. Maybe my distaste for the word is a hangover from my corporate days when I witnessed teams chastised when they did not make budget, even though they were growing in double digit percentage points from one year to the next. Whatever the reason, I think it’s a term that lacks juice and seeks to motivate from fear.

That’s why when I am starting a new project - or in this case a new year - my list of what I want to create, achieve, and/or do differently is a list of desires.

Yes, desires. 

A distinctively feminine word that is guaranteed to make one smile. Which from where I sit, is a much better way to start creating change than a list of resolutions you made up in your head because you or someone else you know thinks these are things you should be doing.

We don’t hear much about desire lists in mixed company, because our culture equates desire most readily with sex as opposed to creating change in our lives. But if you look at the definition of desire - “a strong feeling of wanting” - it seems to me that is the place to start from if you are really serious about making something happen - professionally or personally.

• Desires are something you can feel in every cell of your body -  not just a lofty goal that you might or might not really believe possible.
• Desires get to the truth of what you want to achieve. If you pay attention your body will let you know if you are on to something  or not.
• Desires imply that you can have fun along the way, a novel concept for task masters, but one that still will lead you to your - here comes that word again - desired outcome.
• Desires invite the Universe to take a part in the co-creation of whatever it is you want to do.
• Desires can still make you feel uneasy and at times a bit uncomfortable - but more likely not out of fear that you will fail, rather that you might succeed.
• Desires force you to believe that what you want is indeed possible. 

This is not to say that I think creating change is as simple as writing a desire on a piece of paper and - poof - just like that it will magically appear.  

Desire requires discipline. In order for a desire to manifest, you still need a strategy and a game plan of specific steps to take towards that desire. Writing those steps down establishes true intention. Action is key. 

For example, if one of my desires is to write and publish two more books this year, that has no chance of happening if I don’t set aside time on my calendar each and every day to write. 

If I desire to be published in The New York Times, I will need to submit articles.
If I desire to make YOUR DIGITAL YOU available as an online course by March 1, I must start by upgrading my website to accommodate that.
If I desire to grow my ONE-on-ONE Consulting, I need more outreach and to make it easier for people to sign up.

See how that works?

Whether it is resolutions, goals or my preferred method of writing desires, if they are not front and center each day, we forget about them. They get lost and we become part of the 92% who never see what they want come true.

So this year I am trying something a little different. I wrote all of my 2015 Desires on scraps of paper. I read each one out loud and allowed myself the luxury of feeling that desire with my whole body before I folded it up and placed it inside of a mason jar that now sits on my desk and will every day this year.  

I might add a few new ones along the way. I will most certainly open that jar from time to time to see how I am doing.  But I will not lose sight of them. 


Special note: I have already taken a step towards one of my desires. It is now easier (and more affordable than ever) to sign up for a ONE-ON-ONE Consultation with me. Details here!

The Art Of The Make-Good

I was raised in a business where the make-good was a vehicle to cultivate relationships. 

When we didn't run your radio schedule in the right dayparts - we never said sorry, that's too bad. We offered make-good spots.

When we ran the wrong ad copy, we never said - oh, how embarrassing for you -  we offered make-goods. 

When we ran your sixty-second commercial spot next to a competitor - after we promised not to - make-goods where what we offered.

It was a rare moment when the radio station suggested a cash refund. In fact, so rare I am not sure we ever did. For a couple of reasons.

We wanted the cash to stay on the books. We were after all - a for profit business. If we suggested make-goods on the next schedule the implication was there would be a next order. We wanted to keep the client relationship moving forward.  

We wanted it known that yes - we acknowledge the fact we screwed up but we care enough to make it right and to do better the next time you picked us to air your ad campaign. We knew that it was a lot easier to renew an existing customer - even a slightly disgruntled one - than to go out and find a new one. And the best way to do that was to let them know we cared enough to own up to our error and right our wrong. 

What we never, ever did was say - Gee, so sorry that happened. Too bad. Here's your money back.  Buh bye!

We looked for a way to make that client feel heard and special - because we knew at the end of the day that is all any of us really want and that is how relationships are cultivated. We knew the relationships we made were the foundation of our reputation - both personally and as a radio station -  and that would pay itself forward. It was never just about our product and delivery - but how we made that client feel.

We understood market volatility. It was inherent in the radio business. One day they had to buy our station - the next our ratings could sink to the bottom of the heap and we were nothing more than an afterthought. Our relationship was key to getting bought in those downturns. 

So when there was a problem - we looked to make it good. We had no email to hide behind in the eighties. We faced our dissatisfied customers. We picked up the phone and had a real, live human conversation. We didn’t wait 24 hours to respond. We were on it immediately. No matter how big or small the client was. We made it urgent. And those of us who were particularly smart, knew that when there was a really big problem, our best bet was to avoid the phone and get ourselves in front of the person with whom we'd screwed up. Because that is how the best relationships are cultivated and that is how things get mended when torn apart.

I've taken that philosophy to every place I have ever worked and continue to embody it today in all of my business dealings. It’s how I built my reputation as someone people wanted to work with.

So I'm always surprised when I encounter people who don’t.

Especially in a world where it only takes one disconcerted person to take your misstep to soclal media.

10 Plus Reasons You Need A Digital Presence

Friday night I spoke at a career conference. This week I have a new business call. Neither of which would have happened without my digital presence. 

The conference happened because of a Facebook connection who had been following me. It was because she liked what I shared and how I presented myself that I received the invitation to speak.

The second was the result of a Google search for digital profiles that brought up a Forbes article I had written. They liked what they read enough to research a bit more about me  - online - after which they reached out in an email.

That's enough to convince me that the time I spend on my digital self is worthwhile. But perhaps you are not as easily convinced. For you, I offer ten more reasons.

• You are your own brand. Jobs will come and go but the brand that stays with you forever is you. Today the way you, as a brand, show up online is as important as the way you show up in person.
• Your online footprint is a reflection of who you are, what you've done and what you'd like to do.
• If you don’t tell the story you want people to find - Google will.
• 94% of recruiters use or plan to use social media in their recruitment efforts.
• Prospective clients, employers and business opportunities are searching for you - online - in advance of a meeting just as they do with any major purchase.
• The lack of a digital presence sends a signal you may have something to hide.
• Traditional resumes are a formality. They don’t engage - they bore. 
• Sharing is the new currency in a digital world. Your digital presence allows you to share your views and relevant content with like minded people and to position yourself as an expert and influencer. It's an opportunity to grow your business and expand your networks.
• The line is increasingly blurred between professional you and personal you. You may run your company - but your company's brand presence alone is not enough.
• First impressions still count. The difference is now they happen on line.

The reality is - no matter who you are - business professional  to entrepreneur - CEO to salesperson - your digital you opens doors, creates new connections and keeps you marketable and relevant. It deserves your time.

What Not Being On Time Says About You

I have a reputation for being on time. One I am proud of. In fact in the rare occurrences when I am not on time - people who know me tend to worry that something must be wrong. It's helped me to build business relationships and develop trust. But it stresses out some of my friends - especially the ones who are always running late. 

As it should.

There are a lot of people who think it doesn't matter. They have no problem keeping other people waiting. They think it does not mean anything to say they will meet you at 10AM and be a half hour late.

The fact is - not being on time says a lot about who you are - personally and professionally.

It says you are disorganized.
It says your life is in disarray and you don't have enough of a handle on it to keep your appointments.
It says you commit to things and don't follow through.

Most importantly - it says you don't value my time.

It says you don't think I'm significant.
It says you don't care.

It's not a good way to do business.
It's not a good way to make friends.

And in a world in which you have nine seconds to capture someone's attention - you've lost before you started. 


If you need help managing your time - may I suggest It Takes An Egg Timer - A Guide to Creating the Time for Your Life ?
available in paperback and Kindle on Amazon.

6 Reasons Asking Is Risky Business

Asking is not something that comes naturally to me. It wasn't how I was raised. I was raised to stand on my own two feet and to figure it out for myself - whatever "it" was. If you asked you were imposing on the other person. And that just wasn't a nice thing to do.

Which made learning to ask a client for the order that much harder for me when I first started selling.

I learned to get past my reluctance. I had to or my selling career would have been short lived. But it wasn't easy. And the dirty little secret is - I still have moments when asking - for help, for the order, even a question - is the last thing I want to do. 

But I do. Because I know if I don't I'll never know the answer and I'll never move from the spot I'm in.

That doesn't mean it's not risky. For example - 

1. I'm taking the chance I might not like the answer. I've lost track of how many times I have not asked a question because I didn't know if I wanted to hear the answer. 
2. I don't really want to hear a no. No is a tough word. No sounds so final. No. No. No. Yet the truth is a no is so much better than a maybe  - which is the answer you're getting when you don't ask. Maybe is limbo. It's nowhere land. With no at least you know where you stand.
3. I think I'm imposing. Old learning dies hard. I still sometimes think I'm infringing on someone else's space when I ask.
4. I risk being perceived as pushy. No one wants to be thought of as pushy - except of course the person who really is and doesn't care.
5. I think the person knows what I want already. I've made this mistake a thousand times - and whether it's been personally or professionally I've learned that no one can read my mind. If I don't ask I don't get.
6. I think asking is for the weak or ignorant. A strong person doesn't need help. A smart person already knows the answers. When the truth is it takes more courage to ask that not to and smart people get smarter by asking.


While I have learned how to ask - easily and with grace - there are moments when my stomach still does flips, my mouth still goes dry or my hand starts to shake before I make the call. But I do it. Because if I don't I'll just never know what would have happened if I did.



Like this blog? Don't want to miss the next one? Sign up here to have it delivered right to your mailbox!