How To Choose Your Social Networks

I live in a city where on any given night there are hundreds, if not thousands of cocktail parties I could attend. But even if I had the desire and the invitations to go to every single one, it would be physically impossible.

So I choose where I want to be.

Sometimes it's to learn something.  Sometimes it's to be social. Other times my interest is to network professionally. Sometimes it's solely to avoid doing stuff I should otherwise be doing.  On occasion, I show up somewhere because there is nothing else to do. 

Once I get to where I am going there are more choices to make.

Unless it is a group under ten people, chances are I will not be able to or want to talk to every person in the room. 

So I make decisions. 

Maybe I'll seek someone out because I heard something about them that interested me and wanted to meet them.

Perhaps I already know them and want to reconnect.

A conversation could start over a shared like of that last hors d’oeurve tray with the fabulous crab cakes that just went by. 

Maybe we'll start talking because I overheard their conversation and wanted to join in.  

Sometimes it's just a look across the room that tells me I want to meet that person.  

Other times that person is the one approaching and making the decision. 

But there is a process that involves choice.

The same choices hold true when it comes to online social networks.

Without intention, focus and a set of boundaries, each can be boring and an enormous waste of time. But used properly they both can serve an equally important purpose.

To connect humans with humans. 

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The 9 Reasons I Might Ignore That LinkedIn Invitation You Sent

A few weeks ago I spoke with a group  at a New York Women in Communications Digital Salon on the subject of digital profiles, their importance and how best to use them to our advantage. One of the questions I was asked was whether I accept every invitation to connect I get on LinkedIn.

My answer was a complicated no.

My general rule of thumb is that if our paths have crossed, I've met you at a function, worked with you, went to school with you, or are connected because of blood lines I will say yes.

But what if I don't? What if you are a complete stranger reaching out?  What do I do then?

There is no hard and fast rule. And while I generally do not like to ignore anyone, (I think it's rude and bad karma) in the digital world I sometimes do.

The question is, how do I make that decision?
The answer is, it's really pretty easy.

If I've ignored an invitation you sent to me the reasons are most likely one or a combination of those on this list:

1. I've never met you.
2. We have no connections in common.
3. You don't have a picture in your profile.
4. Your profile says nothing about you.
5. You lied to me and to LinkedIn and said we were friends and then admitted to me you lied.
6. You did not personalize your invitation.
7. You personalized it with something to the tune of "I think it would be good to connect" without a reason why it might be good to connect.
8. We share nothing in common. Not a group. Not a person. Not an industry.
9. It's looking like the only reason you want to connect is to sell me something.

LinkedIn is about my business. I'm there to expand it, to network, to share useful information and to find information I might find useful. Which means I am going to be thoughtful - maybe even a bit choosy at times - about who I want in my circles.

So if you want me to connect with you and you're a stranger give me a reason to want to engage with you. Tell me who you are. Show me your face. Let me know why you think connecting will be a good thing. For both of us.

The Art Of Networking: A Checklist

For some people the idea of going to a function to network makes them break out in a rash. They might even prefer a dentist drill to the idea. I'm not one of them. I think it's fun to go into a crowded room and see who new I might meet that might help me, or me them, not to mention the chance to reconnect with someone I haven't seen in a long time. I admit to once being rather fearful and yes, even a tad shy of such situations. I obviously outgrew that.  If I hadn't I doubt I would have achieved much success in my career.

I believe networking is not an option for professional success. In fact I think it might be more critical than ever. Not only does one need to hone the skills of in-person networking, today one needs to navigate it on-line as well.

But it is the in-person opportunities that I think the most fun and the most beneficial in the long run. As humans, people still want to be in the company of other humans. We network on-line in the hopes of an in-person meeting. My first year blogging I met Colette Martin on-line. We were both ex-corporate types on a reinvention path. We connected via our blogs. But it was when we met in-person our friendship was solidified.

This past weekend I attended the BlogHer12 Conference. BlogHer is the largest on-line community of women who blog.  There were reputed to be almost 5000 attendees, mostly women meandering the conference rooms at the New York Hilton. So I guess like me, given the chance to meet face to face, one takes it.

Even a seasoned networker, like myself plans for such events.

Here's the list I consulted ahead of time, what I call my networking checklist:

1. Be prepared. Have business cards, lots of them ready and easily accessible. I like to slip mine behind my name tag so I don't need to fish around my purse too much. This year in addition to my business cards which I like to call my official coaching cards,  I also had postcards touting my books.
2. Set your intentions in advance. Are there specific people you want to meet? Or is it more general in what you want for your business? Get clear on your intentions and write down the two or three most important ones. One of the things I always include is learning at least one new thing. This year it was the art of iPhonography.
3. Know what you want to say. Some people call it the "elevator speech." I prefer the concept of "log line" which is the term screenwriters use to pitch their scripts to the studios. Whatever it is, you need to speak it clearly, concisely and with passion. In today's world you have less time then it takes me to get a regular coffee at Starbucks to get my attention. Plan for it.
4. Be authentic. As soon as people hear the word "pitch" they think canned and too often speak it as though someone just hit the play button. You are one of the most important aspects of whatever you are presenting. Let you show through.
5. Be bold. Don't be afraid to introduce yourself. Look for an entre. It could be as simple as a compliment on someone's shoes (if you really like them!) or as rehearsed as why you were seeking them out. One woman I met who has a really cool DIY website, made sure she was front and center to connect to Martha Stewart. Martha was on her intention list for the conference.
6. Be confident. Own who you are and what you are up to. Don't be afraid to shake someone's hand or look them in the eye. Confidence attracts. 
7. Dress to Impress. I dress mostly to impress myself. I know I will work a room better when I like the way I look because for me that instantly makes me feel better. Above all go for clean, pressed and well-fitting clothes that say you care enough to care about you.
8. Use your intuition. As you get more seasoned at networking you will find you will be able to gravitate to exactly who you need to meet and they to you. The clearer you are on the intentions you set the easier it will be for you to "work the room." 
9. Take Notes. Especially at a 2-day event like BlogHer. You will NEVER remember it all. I don't care how young your brain is!
10. Follow-up. This is a picture of all I accumulated over the weekend. My follow-up includes the sorting of the piles. Who do I want to follow-up with on Twitter and/or LinkedIn? Who gets added to my mailing list? Who gets a direct email from me suggesting next steps? What am I going to do with twenty yards of yellow Duck tape and why did I think it important to take?

        Bonus Tip: It is most fun and productive to attend these events with someone like minded who knows your intentions as well as their own and keeps an eye out for something or someone you might miss. A special shout out to my friend and cohort, Nancy Moon of MoonPR! It would not have been the same without you!

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