How To Choose Your Social Networks

I live in a city where on any given night there are hundreds, if not thousands of cocktail parties I could attend. But even if I had the desire and the invitations to go to every single one, it would be physically impossible.

So I choose where I want to be.

Sometimes it's to learn something.  Sometimes it's to be social. Other times my interest is to network professionally. Sometimes it's solely to avoid doing stuff I should otherwise be doing.  On occasion, I show up somewhere because there is nothing else to do. 

Once I get to where I am going there are more choices to make.

Unless it is a group under ten people, chances are I will not be able to or want to talk to every person in the room. 

So I make decisions. 

Maybe I'll seek someone out because I heard something about them that interested me and wanted to meet them.

Perhaps I already know them and want to reconnect.

A conversation could start over a shared like of that last hors d’oeurve tray with the fabulous crab cakes that just went by. 

Maybe we'll start talking because I overheard their conversation and wanted to join in.  

Sometimes it's just a look across the room that tells me I want to meet that person.  

Other times that person is the one approaching and making the decision. 

But there is a process that involves choice.

The same choices hold true when it comes to online social networks.

Without intention, focus and a set of boundaries, each can be boring and an enormous waste of time. But used properly they both can serve an equally important purpose.

To connect humans with humans. 

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What You Need To Know About Your Social Networking Style

I’ve always been style conscious. It’s the way my mama raised me. I combed fashion magazines and browsed through boutiques from an early age, not just searching for bargains, but for ideas on how to put outfits together.  For me, fashion is an artistic expression of who I am, in that moment, for that occasion. 

I’ve had periods in my life where my style fit a certain category -  classic, edgy, romantic, conservative or trendy - until the day I realized I didn't fit just one label and that my style was a unique and authentic expression of who I am - a part of the statement I make about my personal brand.

So it's no wonder that I approach my social network interactions with the same consideration.

I’m not talking posting pictures of my newest shoe purchase - although there might be a moment when I do exactly that. I’m talking the style in which I choose to interact on social networks. In an age when 74% of online Adults use social networking sites and 87% of all US Adults are online, this deserves some thought. 

So I ask you - do any of these styles sound like you or someone you know?

The Traditionalist - They engage - but not too much. They share without comment so we don't really know what they think - but what they share tends to be useful. They know they have to have some digital presence but secretly wish this social networking thing would all go away. They definitely put thought behind their posts - perhaps at times, too much.   

The Lurker - The Lurker has a social profile, most likely limited to Facebook to stay connected to family and friends and LinkedIn for professional reasons - but they don’t engage. They observe. They know everything every one of their friends does online. They'll tell you at a cocktail party how they read all your blogs and how much they enjoy them but never once liked or shared any. They're the person who comes to the dance but never dances.

The Trendsetter - The Trendsetter is not afraid to speak their mind. They share their own ideas and they share others ideas. They seek to influence. They look to see what is trending on Twitter but they also harbor a deep seated desire that one day a hashtag they create will trend worldwide. 

The Spewer - This is the person that any little thing that pops into their heads they feel obligated to share - like what they had for breakfast that morning or what they think of that car that just cut them off. There is no thought nor any concern for how something might land or what the repercussions might be. They tend to shoot from their hip which appears to be connected 24/7 to their Facebook feed. It’s never once crossed their mind that what they are saying now lives for eternity on the Internet. 

The Erratic - You might at first glance confuse the Erratic with the Spewer. This is because while there is no consistency in their social presence, when they do decide to interact they try to make up for lost time by posting a dozen links, one after the other, without coming up for air and usually unrelated to each other. There might be something really terrific in there they are sharing - but you'll never find it because it is resembling the Spewer, who you stopped paying attention to a long time ago. 

The Attention-Getter - Like the Spewer it might at first glance seem as if there was absolutely no thought whatsoever in that seemingly inconsiderate or irreverent comment they just posted or outlandish picture they put up on Instagram - but the truth is - there probably was. Think Miley Cyrus. Her social network interactions may seem to have occurred in a moment of haste, but my personal belief is that they are part of a grander marketing plan created with intention.

 

The Non-Responder - They post. Constantly. All day long. They may even have a huge following - in the hundreds of thousands. But they never acknowledge a comment. They want to be heard. But they are not interested in listening. They seem to not understand that what has made  social networking grow exponentially is that it is about engagement and conversation - not simply pushing messages. Think the big corporation who is using new digital tools and old marketing methods.

The Eclectic -  The Eclectic mixes it all up. They interact differently on different social networks. They are more likely to press pause and think before hitting publish. They understand that engaging as a two-way street is what makes social networking so powerful. They think. They understand their personal brand now lives online - forever and that they are in a position to take control. They know their digital selves might very well be the first impression someone has of them and that there is no delete button on the Internet.

This is where I strive to live. 

But no matter which style category I fall into on a particular day, the one constant is that in the same manner that I pause to check the weather before I choose the shoes I wear, I take a moment to think before I post. 

What about you?

A Message For Facebook

Dear Facebook, 

We've been friends for awhile. According to your records, since May 8, 2008. For a long time you were a lot of fun and I genuinely believed that you really were interested in working to improve my experience on your network.

But then you went public and as things work in our world, needed to get to the business of making serious money. I can't blame you. Money pays the bills.

Unfortunately the valuation of your business far exceeded the reality. That's a lot of internal pressure. A lot of creative thinking on new revenue models. Particularly challenging in a world that no longer wants to feel "sold to" or "marketed to" or "pushed."

Again - as a businesswoman I get it. As a digital strategist and former advertising salesperson I get it. And as an adjunct professor in digital marketing I get it.

But it's starting to get out of hand. You are starting to not  listen to me, your customer.

For weeks you have been annoying me - trying to get me to download your Messenger App. I assumed you understood my closing the pop-up meant I was not interested. But apparently you didn't get it. It continued to appear - which annoyed me even more.

Now I get an email from you telling me if I want to continue messaging from my iPhone, I have to download your App. Since you have not been listening to date -  I will repeat - I am annoyed. In fact, now I am REALLY annoyed.

I don't like anyone telling me what I "have to do" much less a social network that - to put it bluntly - is just not as much fun as it used to be.

My newsfeed is cluttered with stuff I didn't ask for.
Sponsored posts outweigh those from my "friends."
Every time you change an algorithm I have to go into my privacy settings to make sure you have not defaulted them back to what you want them to be. 
And, I'm tired that every time I take a peek at a new pair of shoes they follow me around like a lost puppy. 

I don't want your new Messenger App. And I won't be downloading it. Today or anytime soon. Truth be told, I don't even like to use it on my desktop. You already have more information about what I am doing and who I am connecting with than I would like. You can call it "private" messaging but I know the truth - someone over at FB headquarters is mining that text for data that you can use to make more money. I am not interested in adding to that stockpile. 

So if one of my Facebook "friends" happens to private message me - they'll have to wait until I am in front of my computer to hear back. I am okay with that. Because really - if it's so important to reach me - they have other choices.

Email. Text message. Other social networks we are connected on - the ones that are still fun and/or useful - like Twitter and LinkedIn. Besides, if it's really critical - they can do something decidedly retro - pick up the phone and call me.

My guess is the reason you are forcing this issue now is because there are a lot more people like me who have been refusing to download the Messenger App and you have sold this through already to clients and need to deliver.

I get that. 

But I don't care.

However, you should. 

The way I see it - new social networks will continue to proliferate in much the same way that cable networks did, going after niche markets or in this case - like-minded people. Some will be more successful and others not so. But in every case they will mirror what cable did - continue to pull share away from the broadcast networks - all because they did a better job of listening to what people really want. 

So Facebook, we are not through.  At least not yet. As I said earlier, I teach this stuff - so I like to keep my hands in it. But if you thought trying to force an unwanted App at me was going to increase my engagement - it is doing just the opposite.  You see - I still watch broadcast television - just less of it. 

The Front Desk

On Valentine’s Day I learned that a former colleague had passed. A woman who made everyone smile from the Senior Vice President to the Fed Ex delivery person.  She had an infectious laugh and a bright smile. She possessed the kind of dedication to her job and loyalty to the company that you wish you could bottle. It wasn’t because she was paid a lot of money. She wasn’t. She didn’t hold a senior position at the company. She was the receptionist. The person who sat at the front desk, greeted visitors  and answered the phones.

I was sad when I learned of the news. Anyone who had ever met Edie Strong would say the same thing. She made every one feel special, greeting you by name when you arrived in the morning and asking you when you would be back if you were going on an appointment and then writing the answer down in case she forgot.  She came in early even when she didn’t get paid anything extra and would personally deliver everyone’s newspapers to their office.

Her job may not have ranked high in an organizational chart, but she treated it as though she was the Chairwoman of the Board. Even when she did not agree with the way something was being communicated internally, she never let her feelings be known.

The clients knew her by name. They knew if they could not get a hold of whoever they were looking for all they had to do was press O for the Operator and she would help them however she could. Sometimes that meant getting up from her desk and tracking you down in the bathroom.  

She kept lists of all the answers to the possible questions she might get in the course of a day as well as the phone numbers to refer people to. She was pleasant to everyone but she kept close tabs on who was doing their job and who wasn’t. Her radar was impeccable.

She answered the phones in a distinct, pleasant and articulate voice. “Time Warner CityCable, NY1 News, may I help you?”  that somehow managed to stay calm and reassuring to our families on 9/11 when the phones went crazy. That voice became such a recognizable touchpoint for customers it was used as the voice over for the companies television and radio ads.

Edie Strong was one of a kind in so many respects. More than just a colleague, friend and good employee, she was a true Brand Ambassador. From where she sat she saw that part of her responsibility was to represent the company. While she might not have ever said it aloud she knew she had an impact on the impression someone formed.

Today organizations everywhere are on the search for people like her. They seek to cultivate the loyalists who will spread their message on the social networks and increase their exposure and hopefully form the opinions they would like created. Yet too few even think to look internally. Most have foregone a human to answer phones in lieu of an automated attendant. It seems such obvious customer service but the cost consideration in most organizations comes first. It’s so drilled in our heads that a website today is the first touchpoint for most customers, we forget about the other simpler, more human ones. Worse we forget to train our employees that how they act matters.

I can’t say that anyone trained Edie to be the way she was. She was that rare individual who got it without being told what to do. Most of the rest of us need help. 

She could take her job dedication a bit too far. Like the day she went to the doctor’s at lunch and they suspected her cancer had come back. They wanted her to go for tests immediately but Edie insisted on coming back to work.  I still remember her sitting in my office arguing the point while another colleague got her daughter on the phone to come get her.

One of Edie’s greatest gifts was that not only could she make you smile, no matter how bad your day was going, she could make you laugh. Out. Loud.  In fact, just thinking about that makes me giggle. Which was always her intention.

Not Business As Usual

Tuesday, April 16, 2013 and it is not business as usual. Nor should it be.

I don’t want to see your cheery tweet about the recap to the Fashion for PAWS runway show or the agony and ecstasy of book reviews. I am not interested in your ability to tune out tragedy and get on with what is most important to you. Whether you are an individual doing that or a brand not smart enough to pull those scheduled social media messages for just a little bit, I lose respect for you. You’ve shown me another side of who you really are and I don’t like it. PS. When given a choice, you won’t be getting my money anytime soon.

Don’t misunderstand me. I believe in moving on. I believe in moving past. I believe in getting on with life. And I understand the mentality behind such acts of terror is for us to not do that. Whoever was behind this wants to instill fear. Deep, abiding fear that makes us not want to leave our house and to alter our way of life. But that does not mean its okay to inundate me with Tweets asking me what books I like to read or taking me to articles on how to fire someone in a respectful manner. Not today.

Today is not about business as usual. Not just yet. Victims are lying in Mass General fighting for their lives. Men and women who were running a race with two legs yesterday are now being told they are missing a limb. And children. At the moment we know of at least one little boy who lost his life. 

The sun is shining today. Even brighter than yesterday but the world is much different.

I know that feeling. I know what it’s like to wake up one bright sunny morning when all seems right with the world and go to sleep knowing your city will never be the same place again. I am after all, a New Yorker. I was here on 9/11.  And while I have gone on and so has the city, I will never forget.

So I let my heart ache today. I let the tears well in my eyes when I listen to the accounts of horror mixed with the acts of heroics by those who raced to help. I am struck as I always am by the inherent spirit of humans to pull together in community in the face of such adversity.  I feel the pain of that city and remember that of my own.

Yes, I will be working today. I will make progress on projects in the cue and keep my business meetings. I will break to get an update. To see if they have found whoever was responsible for all this. I will pray and send love and light to those who need it.  But I will not fill my social networks with solicitations for business. I will not be sharing tips on digital strategy. Not today.

It’s not business as usual. Not yet. Not for me.

Yes, there are other tragedies that happen every day. Shootings and killings and acts of violence all over the world. But for me, this is not just any place.

This is Boston.

This is where my cousin JoJo and Ted grew up. The first city I visited outside of New York when I was a kid. A city that did not have a Central Park but a Boston Commons complete with Swan Boat rides that my Aunt Helen took us on. It is where I watched my best friend from college get married in a ceremony overlooking the Charles River. It is where a waiter at a restaurant in the North End  adamantly told me I was ruining my seafood pasta for asking him to put cheese on it.  It’s a city whose people I know. Good, solid people proud of their town and of their world famous marathon.  I’ve wandered up and down those shops on Newbury and Boylston Streets. I’ve traveled there for pleasure and for work. It’s a city with character, with soul and with a heart.

Today that heart has big crack in it. It deserves deference and respect.

I consider myself a digital evalengist of sorts. Which means I understand that our 24/7 world never really shuts down and trying to get it to is near impossible.

But it can slow a bit. It can pause. It can take some time to feel instead of spew. It can exercise sensibility. It can spread a conversation fitting of the day after such a horrific event.  

Not one soliciting me to sign up for your new five week class on how to build a better website or informing me  that Game of Thrones has slipped in their social rankings. Not today.

Today is not business as usual.