What I Don't Do Enough Of

There are a lot of things I do not do enough of. I don't exercise enough. I don't pick up the phone enough to call my friends as much as I text or email. I don't visit museums enough. 

Most importantly I don’t write and read enough.

The definition of enough is nebulous -  “as much or as many as required.” What is enough for someone  is too much for someone else and too little for yet another. Which means that while I may think I don't do something enough - from where you sit it may look like exactly enough.

Enough is a judgment call. While I like to think I don't judge, I do. Mostly myself, for not doing enough.

Over time I've learned to recognize the symptoms of not enough for me.

I know I am not writing enough when my soul feels hollow. When there are words caught in my throat and my energy wanes. When I feel I am not being heard and I know it is because I am not  saying anything. When all I want to do is lay on the couch and watch something mindless on television - including the commercials.

I know I am not reading enough when I am left uninspired and disconnected and when I can't or don't  write. Reading used to hex me into not writing until one day it began to inspire me to write more - to be as good as the author whose book I finished and sometimes to recognize that - yes - my writing is just as good as theirs. 

My writing does not yet garner enough income to pay all the bills. Yet being the operative word. But when I am busy with my other stuff -  the stuff that does pay the bills, I label reading to be a luxury I have no time for. Writing is something I start fitting in as opposed to prioritizing.  While I am aware on some level that I am not feeding myself enough of the fuel I need to be my best and most passionate self, the dance sustains itself. 

Until something happens to break the pattern.

I read. 

And when I say read, I don't mean Facebook posts or Tweets. I mean books. Fiction. Non-fiction. Like the one I just finished by Claire Cook. 

I mean reading something that matters.

I've followed Claire's path since I left corporate. For a long time I wanted to be Claire. Even though Claire’s married with two grown children and living in Atlanta life and writing is nothing like my own. 

I wanted to have Claire's success. I aspired to have my novel made into a movie and walk the red carpet. 

I no longer want to be Claire. I want to be me. But I would still like that success. Yet it won't happen - it won't have a shot in hell - if I am not writing.

Every time I read Claire’s very simple formula for turning out as many novels as she has (which she very wisely repeats throughout the book in case you are not paying attention) I heard the little aHa in the back of my brain.  Two pages, every morning before anything else. Times Roman. 12pt. Double spaced. Seven days a week.That’s roughly 500 words of which I have already exceeded here.  Not that hard to accomplish if one is disciplined enough not to let Twitter get in the way.

It's not like I had never heard that before. I have. I've done morning pages. I read The Artist’s Way. I know the power of discipline. In fact I have written about it in my own book on creating time. I also know that discipline to what is most important to fuel our souls - requires discipline.

Claire's book did not tell me anything I did not know already. Yet that did not make it any less worthwhile to read. Books like this one are meant to inspire and remind you of the things you've let yourself forget. Just like the characters in her novels do - the easy, breezy beach reads that transport, make you smile and just when you least expect it make you go aHa!

Claire inspired me to start today writing first - before anything else. Right here in this Starbucks on Broadway and 63rd Street, as the morning crowd forms around me.  She reminded me that reinvention - like just about everything else in life is not a destination but an ongoing process of tweaks and turns and is not for the faint of heart. Most importantly she made me see that somehow in this crazy, circuitous path of reinvention I have created these last years, of late I have not been doing enough of the things I love and crave and need to sustain myself the most. 

It may not yet be enough (there goes that word again) to pay the bills, but it is necessary to fuel my soul and free me for what does. 

Claire's latest book and first non-fiction is Never Too Late: Your Roadmap To Reinvention. An inspiring and anecdotal account of her own and continuing journey of reinvention, complete with good advice and useful tools. #recommendedreading

The Experiment

I am about to celebrate the five year anniversary of my divorce from nine to five corporate life. Yes, you read that right. Five years!

It’s causing me to reflect. On many things. Including this blog which has not been getting the attention it needs and deserves.

While I aspire to be as prolific as Seth Godin and share something here every day - I don’t.  It seems as though while my life has expanded exponentially to include teaching and coaching and consulting, my energies have been dispersed. For a reason I cannot yet explain, it’s taken me away from what my initial intention was when creating this blog. To write. About what I see, what I think and what I feel. And to share it.

So I have decided in honor of this upcoming landmark event to launch an experiment. Beginning today for thirty days, I am going to post every day. It’s something I’ve never done but have always wanted to.

Thirty was a number I chose, for no other reason than it felt right. I’ve since been informed that thirty days is the amount of time needed to commit to something in order for a shift to occur.

A shift. That’s what I’m after.

You should know I’m doing this for very selfish reasons. The most important being a desire for clarity. You see everything feels like it’s falling into place - but I’m still not sure. And for me writing is about more than the joy I feel from the possibility I might entertain my readers, offer some insight or inspire them to try something new. It’s about me being able to breathe. I write because I have to. Because I need to. Because it is my passion at the core of all my other passions.

Like the very first post I wrote here on November 18, 2008 - I have no idea exactly what I will be writing for the next month. It might stay on target with what I have been writing - but there are no promises. I may lose readers. I may gain some. But again - the person I am doing this for the most is me. Which as a marketer might sound contrary to what I “should” do. But like I said - this is merely an experiment.

p.s I’ll be looking for inspiration. So if you have a question for me that you’d like answered, leave it in the comments section and I’ll do my best to serve something up.

pps. If you don’t already subscribe to my blog and would like all thirty days of blogging to be delivered by email, you can sign up here. 

pps. If it’s not doing it for you, feel free to unsubscribe whenever you are so moved.

The Basic Principles Of Using An Egg Timer

The egg timer as a time management tool works on a basic principle. In order to create anything in your life, whether it is writing a book or winning new clients for your business, you need to create a container for that. This requires time and a space within which you can take the steps to effect your change.

The job of the egg timer is to create that space, uninterrupted and without distractions.

The rules are simple:

1. Turn off your email
2. Do not answer the phone
3. Set the timer
4. Do not get up until it rings

Now go to it!

On The Radio

One of my most favorite parts of the journey I've taken in the last several years is all the great new people I've gotten to meet, on-line and off-line, who share similar interests.

One of those people is Lori Randall Stradtman who I heard speak last year at BlogWorld. Lori is an expert on social media and is currently writing a book entitled, Online Reputation Management for Dummies. Who won't want to read that?

I was honored when Lori invited me to be on her radio show, Literary Social.  Which is where I am today. So stop over and listen for a bit. I get to dish with Lori about self-publishing, selling, The Secrets They Kept and going for what makes you happy.

p.s  I dare you to be able to figure out which voice is from New York City and which from Georgia!

http://literallysocial.net/2012/02/28/author-joanne-tombrakos-dishes-on-the-secrets-they-kept/

The First Step

The first step is so @##**/ #\ hard. Anyone who tells you it's not, is lying. Especially when it comes to the really important stuff. The stuff that is going to make the big differences in your life. The stuff that you know is for your own good.

I've taken a lot of first steps so I speak from what I know.  Historically before those first steps, there is seemingly never-ending talk about whatever it is I want to change. Sometimes to the point where even I can't listen to me anymore. I've become so miserable and so repetitive going on about what is not right and what I want to change and that I am going to do something, someday soon,  that I've bored myself. It's usually just about this point that I make a move. That is, when I haven't waited long enough for the Universe to intercede.

That's what happened when I was downsized in 2008.  I knew I was done with 9 to 5 corporate life long before the pink slip, but I was too scared to do anything about it. I didn't like where I was but it felt awfully safe and comfortable to sit still and not take that first step down an unknown road.

Intellectually I knew that once I pointed my toes in the new direction and lifted a foot I wouldn't be able to stop moving. That's what happens when you are on the right path. It is as though a great gale force of wind is at your back propelling you forward and there is no stopping you.

Think about what happens when a baby takes their first steps. They struggle, they fall, they lose their balance as they attempt to do what they were born to do.  But once they get going there is no turning back. They are, literally, on their path.

2012 will be a year of big change for us all. According to the numerologists, it is a 5 year which translates into fearlessness, change, joy and freedom. So my questions to you:
What will your change be this year?
What will you take your first step towards?

And because I am so passionate about change and about people living lives they love, and because I know from my own experience how hard it is to move towards that,  I have created something brand spanking new.  I am offering a  75-minute, one-time consultation  in which we will explore what exactly is stopping you from taking your first step to whatever is next for you. 


Is it your fear of success or failure, of money or lack of time?
Do you think its too late to make a change in your life?
Do you believe you don't really deserve to earn money and be happy at the same time?
Do you know you want to do something different but haven't a clue what that is?

It's what I like to think of a baby step before a big adult step.

Take a first step. 
click here now

Burlap to Cashmere

You all know how I love stories of reinvention. Well, I love them even more when I have personal acquaintance with the people involved.

Today's story is one of reinvention and second chances. It is about a band, Burlap to Cashmere. If the name sounds familiar you may remember them from their first album, Anybody Out There which was released in the late 90s. The band had a unique sound, a loyal following and a touring schedule that got the better of them. In 2001 they went on hiatus.

In 2005 guitarist Johnny Philippidis made the news, not for his music but for the beating he took within an inch of his life. Johnny was the victim of a road rage incident in which two ex-Marines and a female accomplice left him for dead just miles from his home in Brooklyn. It was one of those moments in life where you are given a choice. You can continue to play the role of victim or you can choose to revel in the fact you are still alive and recreate.

Johnny was lucky. He had a lot of family and friends surrounding him with love and support. One of which is lead singer and songwriter, Steven Delopoulus,who also happens to be his cousin. No one was sure, including the doctors whether Johnny would ever be able to play guitar again because of the damages he suffered. But Steven would visit him almost every weekend testing out new songs. At some point Johnny found the courage to pick up the guitar and see what happened. Turns out his talent did not need the 13 titanium implants  his face did.

The grandsons of two first generation Greek American brothers decided that it was time to start playing music together again.

Enter, drummer Theodore Pagano at his own crossroads going through a divorce and a subsequent decision to leave his job as an interior designer in London. He provided the organizational skills and drive to land the band another major-label record deal. That album, self titled, Burlap to Cashmere is available today wherever music is sold.

Their sound has a huge 70's influence that is reminiscent of Cat Stevens, Van Morrison and Simon and Garfunkel spiced with Johnny and Steven's Mediterranean roots. It's that sound that is rare today and so badly needed. The kind of music that just makes you want to sit and escape into it, get away from the incessant obsession with where Casey Anthony is and how deep Rupert Murduch's scandal goes and watch a sunset, drink a glass of wine and surround yourself with people you love.

Now, in full disclosure, I have more than personal acquaintance with this band. Johnny is my cousin by blood which makes his cousin Steven, by Greek standards, my cousin too. Johnny's grandmother was not just my father's sister and his grandfather my dad's best man but my godparents as well. And Steven's grandparents? I considered them as much my aunt and uncle as any of my blood relations. It is all very tangled in the most Greek of ways. So if I seem biased in how I feel about their music it might be my personal connection.

But I will let you decide that yourself. Here's is a sample from the new release. And it you like, I invite you not just to buy a copy but to spread the word through Facebook, Twitter or whatever your on line and off line social networks of choice happen to be.

Tales of Reinvention: Joanne Lekas

Joanne Lekas is a certified professional dog trainer and the owner of Happy Dog Behavior Training.  She offers private, in home training sessions as well as group classes throughout the Greater Boston and Cape Cod area. 


On January 28 she, in partnership with Alan Grazioso launched Puppy Coach 101 a quick and easy video based dog training reference App now available through iTunes. 

Once a successful IT sales consultant, now the owner of a thriving new business, Joanne is a Reinventor. 




Sometimes we choose to reinvent ourselves and sometimes it chooses us. What was the defining moment that made you take the leap?

I knew for a while I was done with IT software sales but wasn't doing anything about it. Then I was laid off.  At that moment I didn't know what I wanted to do. Only that I wanted it to be something I loved, was good at, interesting, and flexible. The one thing I knew for sure was that it wasn't going to be another job selling software. I wanted it to be totally different,

How did you get to dog training?
People knew I loved dogs. Many suggested I become a dog walker. But that did not appeal to me. Then in a passing conversation someone suggested dog training.  I'm not sure exactly what made me but I jumped in with no master plan and no research. I was lucky to land a job as an apprentice. But it didn't click right away and I wasn't initially convinced that this was for me.

But something kept pulling me to continue.

I found this five day teacher training workshop in upstate New York. That was when  it all changed. I came back enthused and certain that I was on my path. I had a moment that week where I realized that I had always wanted to be a teacher, it had always been in the back of my mind. I just never knew what I wanted to teach. It was that workshop that got me clear. I wanted to teach dogs and their owners.

Tell me about your business.
About  75% of my business is private in home training for the new puppy, from general obedience  to specific behavior issues. The rest is group classes. Essentially what I am doing is  teaching the owners to communicate more effectively with their dogs. If the owner and their dog  have clear consistent communication  their relationship is a good one.

I like to use the analogy  that it's like teaching a dog English as a second language. When I was a kid my grandparents did not speak English. Because we couldn't communicate that well,  my relationship with them was never close. For an owner and their dog to have a good relationship there has to be clear, consistent, positive communication.


How has or hasn't your work and education experience prepared you?
My background has helped on many levels!

The kind of sales I did involved educating. I had to present to large groups and capture their attention, not unlike what I do running a puppy class. It was also a consultant sell which involved asking a lot of questions, which is exactly what I need to do when a there is a real behavioral issue with a dog. Then there is the marketing of myself and my business to the pet store owners, the veterinarians, dog groomers and boarders. This is a big referral business.  Lastly, there is the follow up which is inherent in any good sales person. It is also very helpful after a session for both the owner and the puppy.

What has been the biggest surprise concerning your reinvention?
How natural this is for me, how easily I get the behavior I want. How quickly my confidence grew. Overall how good I am with the dogs!

What has been the biggest obstacle? 
The biggest was the learning curve.  I read everything I could get my hands on, attended every workshop and seminar I could find. It's a fun business but also serious. If not done properly a dog could develop serious behavioral issues. Early on I referred out the most serious cases until I felt more confident in my knowledge. I continue to learn. Understanding what goes on inside of a dog's mind and how they think is a fascinating and on going process.

As for the business itself, I think more of a challenge than a obstacle was getting a steady stream of clients. Now that I have developed a good, solid reputation that is much easier.

What has come the easiest transitioning out of corporate life?
I'd say one of the most enjoyable parts is getting up in the morning and not having to rush out the door. Being able to set my own schedule because I am my own boss.

Any regrets?
Zero.

What do you love most?
That I am making a difference with people and their dogs.  I know it might sound corny but when I get an email back from an owner telling me how much they learned and enjoyed the session and what a difference I made with their dog, that really makes my day.

What do you miss most about the Corporate world?
Back when the business was still fun there was a thrill to closing a big deal.
Plus knowing when the next check was showing up.

Do you think anyone can reinvent their life?
In theory yes.  But you need the conviction, determination and passion of your desires.  Sometimes this is part of a master plan, sometimes not, but these qualities are essential.  Then you need the means to begin.  So in practice this is not always easy.  Sometimes financial constraints and family obligations make this more than challenging.  But there is always a way to pursue your dreams on a small scale
to start.  The first step is to explore your options.  A life change can seem so daunting and unrealistic.  But with technology today you can go online and start to research and explore and this can often open the door as to where to start.


You mentioned conviction, determination and passion as necessary qualities. Can you elaborate?
Of course.  Passion is key because you have to love and want something enough to
motivate you to take the first step.  This is where a lot of people get stuck.  They don't know what they want, they just know what they don't want. This is where professional coaching can help provide guidance!


Thanks for the coaching plug!  Can you tell us what are you most proud of to date?
Besides the difference I am making with owners and dogs, it would be the launch of Puppy Coach 101, an App for iPad, iPhone and iTouch.

An App for dog training?
Yes, it's designed for the new puppy or dog owner. The App is very easy to navigate and gives the basics of dog training. While it is by no means a substitute for a professional trainer it does allow for easy, portable, reference.

How did that come to be?
Another random meeting. I was at my Yoga class in the fall of 2009 talking passionately about dog training and this guy overheard me. Alan turned out to be a filmmaker and wanted to talk to me about a project. There was talk of a TV project which then turned into this video based App.  It took almost a year to get to our January 28, 2011 launch.

What advice would you give others contemplating shaking up their lives?
Don't wait forever. It you are passionate about something find a way to pursue it even it's part time for awhile. You want to be doing something that makes you want to wake up in the morning !

Happy Dog Behavior Training serves the Greater Boston and Cape Cod area.  The Puppy Coach 101 App is available anywhere you are iTunes accessible.  



Note: In the interest of full disclosure Joanne Lekas is a member of my big fat Greek family. She is my cousin, my friend and as close to a real blood sister as I have.  And yes, we have the same first name. It's a Greek thing!    

Tales of Reinvention: Shauna Mei

Shauna Mei is the CEO and Founder of ahalife, a  new and innovative on line shopping concept. I had the pleasure of hearing Shauna speak at a recent 85Broads breakfast held at The 21 Club.


Shauna Mei's story caught me off guard. My first glimpse had me writing my own version. She was strikingly attractive, well dressed with what I consider enviable glossy and straight Asian hair. Her poise walking to the podium in the upstairs dining room of the 21 Club suggested she had been raised by affluent and caring parents in a well provided for environment. Since she was speaking to a group of 85Broads women there was no doubt in my mind that she was also smart so learning she was a MIT graduate was hardly a surprise.  It never occurred to me that her journey had any challenges or that at the young age of 26 she was already a seasoned reinventor. Seriously, at 26, how much reinvention has there been time for yet ?

It turns out I was completely wrong. Shauna has been reinventing herself and the way things are done since birth.

She was born in Inner Mongolia in China to a culture that believes it is better to give birth to boys than girls. Her mother was advised to terminate the pregnancy for two reasons. Shauna was a girl and she had a hole in her heart. Fortunately for all of us, her mother stood up to the social convention and community telling her otherwise and brought Shauna into the world.

A series of circumstances allowed the family to immigrate to the United States around the time of the Tiananmen Square Massacre. In 1990 at the age of 6, Shauna was on her second reinvention.

Shauna's first job after graduating MIT was at Goldman Sachs where she quickly became a rising star. Her work in the retail sector introduced her to many influential people in the fashion industry, one of whom was Jeffry Aronsson who she would later launch the Aronsson Group with. Three years later she was Stockholm bound as CEO of the Casall group. For many the lack of daylight in Sweden might not prove inspirational. Yet it was during this time that the light first sparked for Ahalife.

Now as I said Shauna is smart. She is also wise. She believes in women supporting women and is savvy enough to know to ask for that support when needed. Once back in the states, the first person she went to with the idea was Janet Hanson, founder of 85Broads. Not only did she get advice and encouragement, she also got one of her investors.

Ahalife combines on line shopping with social networking. They look for unique products that inspire and feature one each day to its members along with the story behind it. They also invite their members to participate in the selection as a curator. I for one, find this refreshing.

I am, always have been and always will be a shopper. I've made a sport out of searching for what you don't see a lot of. Which used to be much easier before every store known to peoplekind had a location in every city imaginable. I miss the days when you could find those little shops that did not carry a lot of any one thing but a little of something that really stood out and could purchase not just an item, but something with a story behind it. Ahalife brings that joy right to your desktop.

And about that hole in her heart? It disappeared. When in the United States and finally able to get the medical care to repair it, Shauna's parents were able to schedule the surgery she needed. But once on the operating table the doctors were no longer able to find it.

Shauna told us her life has always been about believing. Her advice to others launching new ideas?
Ignore the market. If you believe in it. Go for it. Identify your failures quickly and move on. Momentum is everything. There is no time to not believe in yourself. Fake it until you make it.

A lot of wisdom for one so young. A lot to take in at a breakfast meeting. I was both moved and inspired and yes  brought to tears many times. But as a good friend of mine always says, tears mean you are on to something good. And I do believe Shauna Mei and ahalife are on to something very good.

For more about ahalife or to request an invitation to join please visit www.ahalife.com

Tales of Reinvention: Janine Francolini

Janine Francolini is the founder and Board Chair of The Flawless Foundation. With a background in education and a passion for children and service Janine turned a move to Portland, Oregon and a volunteer job into a rapidly growing non profit organization dedicated to taking a stand for children and adolescents with special needs.  


I had the opportunity to chat with Janine and find out more about her tale of reinvention. Here's what she had to say.

Sometimes we choose to reinvent and sometimes it chooses us. What was the defining event that made you take the leap?
I think its both. 
I have always been passionate about my work in education. But I found increasingly when I was still living back East that what I was doing was not the reason I entered the profession. We moved to Portland on a whim.  So here I was in a new city. I took a job volunteering with children with severe behavioral issues. I was shocked at the lack of resources.  I  had one of those moments when it just hit me that I had to do something to change that. 
Plus, I think I have always been drawn to these types of children from my own childhood.  I was the behavior problem. I was fortunate that I turned out OK but that did not have to happen that way. And I wanted to do something so that others could be as fortunate.


Tell me about The Flawless Foundation.
Our vision is to see the perfection in every child. We're a non profit organization dedicated to more humane, compassionate care for children and adolescents living with mental health and neurodevelopmental challenges. We do that through a variety of different programs in the arts, gardening, yoga, meditation and Collaborative Problem Solving.
We also do a lot of training for parents and educators and are very fortunate to be working with Dr. Stuart Ablon who is the Director of Think:Kids in the Department of Psychiatry at Mass General Hospital. Our next big event with Dr. Ablon is October 19-20 in New York.


How has or hasn't your work and education experience prepared you?
I have fifteen years of experience as a teacher, administrator and consultant in private schools in New York City. It has all proved invaluable. The classroom time is obvious, but also my last position in Education was as Director of Admissions taught me so much about sales and marketing which is so helpful now in raising the awareness and the funds we need to grow The Flawless Foundation.

What has been the biggest surprise concerning your reinvention?
It was two years in May and I am still astounded by how easy it has been. It is 24/7 work and involvement but it has been effortless in coming together

What has been the biggest obstacle?
Like any working mom, managing work and family life is always a challenge

What has come the easiest?
Everything.
Everything?
I really stand by that. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't. More has come to me and the organization than I ever dreamed. It holds true that if you are truly following your passion everything you need and then some shows up.

Do you have any regrets?
If I had any idea how big this would get and how quickly, I would have had more of a plan going in. I would have secured funding in advance and had more of an infrastructure set up and ready. At times I think I started this like a bake sale.

What do you love most?
Those moments when I see the kids eyes light up, when I hear them call out to me, Miss Janine.
I love working in the garden with the kids. And my volunteers are the best!

What do you miss most?
Not having to pay for health insurance.

What are you most proud of?
The number of children's lives and adult's we've changed. In just two years we have touched thousands.
We even won an award! The 2009-2010 Excellence in Special Education Award from the National Association of Special Education Teachers' for making a commitment to educate and/or advocate for children with disabilities and their families.

What advice would you give others contemplating shaking up their lives?
Just do it. Jump in. Don't hesitate. Everything you need will be there. 


Please note:  The Flawless Foundation will be holding their Annual Perfection Party on April 9,  2011. For tickets to the Panel Discussion, Champagne Reception and/or Dinner please visit http://www.flawlessfoundation.org/2011/02/join-us-for-the-2011-perfection-party-in-nyc/


For more information on The Flawless Foundation or to donate please visit www.flawlessfoundation.org
You can follow Janine and the wonderful work this group is doing  on Facebook  or Twitter@flawlessgrats.

Me Coaching Me

My list is long today. Perhaps too long and that is why I have been accomplishing nothing. Not knowing how else to center my thoughts I started writing. Morning pages a la The Artist's Way. Three pages of nothing. Writing without purpose. Writing just to practice. Writing to try and make sense of the many computer programs open simultaneously in my head.

The first thing I wrote was what would I say to one of my coaching clients? If this was not about me, if I had the luxury of perspective and could pull myself back from where I was, if I could look at my little circle of chaos this morning with a clear and not self involved head, what advice would I give?

Five things. I would tell myself to glance at the big list and then make a small one with five things I wanted to do this morning. They could be prioritized by urgency, obviously anything with a deadline showing up first. But they don't all have to be the  big things. Include some small things too. Maybe a mindless yet necessary task or two that I know can get checked off quickly. Something that will bring me a sense of accomplishment quickly.

I think one of the biggest challenges for any reinventor or entrepreneur is feeling progress is being made. We have our sights set on the big goal and anything less feels like no movement has been made. When in fact that is not true. And how better to feel the sense of movement than by checking off a list that includes all the little steps you are taking?

Five items on a list. A deadline in which to finish them. The day, the morning, whichever feels best.  That is what I would tell myself if I were coaching me this morning. The reason? Because the sense of accomplishment breeds the desire to accomplish more. Because when the small list is completed the next question is what's next?

BTW,  I decided to listen to myself today. Number one on my morning list was writing a blog.
Check!


What would you say to you today if you were coaching you?
Do you have a list of five?
What's on your list?

Tales of Reinvention: Vince Rocco

Vince Rocco is a Vice President for Halstead Property. But Real Estate has not always been his business. In fact when when I first met Vince years ago the running joke was that Vince was either buying or selling his current residence. At one point he moved seven times in seven years. What started as a hobby became his passion. In 2002 Vince decided to make Real Estate his work. 




I believe that sometimes we choose to reinvent and sometimes it choose us.  
What made you take the leap?
I had been thinking of transitioning for a while. But I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I had a great job in network consulting with a big title, Vice President of Sales, making good money with lots of perks. It was not easy to give up. But then 9/11 happened. I had just started a new job that August. My office was near the Towers. I remember being covered with ash from head to toe and just running. Something snapped in me.  I knew something had to change.  It took a few months but then one morning that winter I woke up. I still remember just laying there and deciding it was time. A few days later I called my boss and said I'm resigning. That was February of 2002.

Where did you get the idea? 
I was always buying real estate. But I'm not really sure when I got the idea. I think it was just there. I believe everything happens for a reason and with a purpose. Who knew that when I bought my very first Manhattan apartment it would lead to this?

You came to this with a sales background. Has that made it easier to transition?
Real Estate is more marketing than sales. You don't get schooled in Real Estate. Yes, you have to take classes to get your license, but I have found that the most successful brokers are that way from life experiences. If you've walked the earth long enough and you have good people and communication skills  then you are prepared. I have and I do.

What has been the biggest surprise concerning your reinvention?
My comfort level with being free and not being on a salary. It took me two years to get over the shock of not having a paycheck every two weeks. But I think that has made me a better person, stronger, more confident. It's taught me to work, to breath, to relax and trust the compensation will follow.

What has been the biggest obstacle?
Well, we can go back to the steady pay thing. But also trying to keep everything fresh. It's up to me to come up with inventive ideas every day, every week, to stay current. Essentially being a broker is being in business for yourself. So it's all up to me.

What has come the easiest?
The confidence.  Knowing what to do to make it happen. Wisdom I have now that I am in my fifties. My father used to tell me "Just wait until you're my age. You'll know." He's right. The older I've gotten the smarter I've gotten.

What do you love most?
The freedom that comes with this is overwhelming. I don't have to wear a tie, much less that perfect tie that is the latest style at the moment. I love the flexibility in my day. I got a dog, Jett. I couldn't do  that before because I couldn't devote that much time to taking care of her. Now I can.

What do you miss the most?
Expense accounts. Having my cell phone bill paid for.

I always say my biggest regrets have to do with Manhattan Real Estate. Do you have any regrets?
Absolutely not.

What are you most proud of?
I was made a VP after 5 years. And I am a soon to be a Senior VP. I'm proud that with all the drama, the ups and downs that go with a reinvention I did it and I did it successfully.

What advice would you give others shaking up their lives?
Put the fear on the table and just do it. Stop thinking. Until you do it, you don't know.

I don't believe Reinvention is a destination, but an ongoing process. 
What's next for you?
I'm ready to do more. I love sharing what I know about sales, about life, and about real estate. I'd like to take that to a broader audience, possibly with a radio or television show. I'm just starting to investigate that. So stay tuned.

Vince's latest properties are  at 505 West 47th Street. 
You can contact Vince at www.vincerocco.com  
You can also follow his inside the Real Estate market tips on Facebook at The Rocco Group.

Tales of Reinvention: Daniel Mancini

Daniel Mancini spent twenty five years in the garment industry. Two years ago he turned his back on it all and followed his dream of creating a business  based on his  grandmother's secret meatball recipe. Yes, that would make him part of the growing group of Corporate expatriates in search of a more meaningful work life. Mama Mancini's, packaged for modern day life, was born of  Daniel's love of his grandmother's sauce and the Sunday dinner.

I discovered Daniel in today's New York Times, but apparently the meatballs are available in a food store near you or can be delivered right to your door.

On his blog Daniel writes:
"The secret to making an amazing meatball: 1% is the ingredients and 99% is love."
I think it's also the secret to an amazing life.

Cracking The Code On Business Casual

If you are like me the phrase "business casual" conjures a picture of pleated khakis and a golf shirt, neither of which I would  be caught dead in. That term cropped up often in my corporate life, whether  on a memo for "casual Friday" or an off site meeting.  If was followed by "Jeans OK" I relaxed a bit. But mostly it caused me to break out in a sweat over what I was going to wear.

The definition is pretty clear if you are a man.  No tie, the dreaded khakis, sports coat, and for those really daring men, perhaps sockless as long as those feet are tucked inside an expensive pair of loafers. Definitely no sneakers and a pressed, pulled together look. But how does this translate for women?

I'll tell you it doesn't. In the post Mad Man era, this to me has always been one of those unspoken reminders that we women are relative newcomers to the business world and femininity has little place.

My closet never contained  "business casual" mostly because I never really figured out what that meant for women.  I had my work clothes, the suits and dresses that I collected that fit into my fashion mantra of look good and feel good with style. Then I had my play clothes, that for the most part would be looked upon as too distracting at a conference table.  So when "business casual" cropped up on the menu I mixed and matched some concoction that fit in with my mantra and made me feel  "casual".  There is no doubt that the longer my seniority and the higher up I went on that corporate ladder, the more I pushed the conventional envelope. I had, after all earned it.

When  I saw "Attire: Business Casual" on the agenda for a seminar I attended yesterday I felt that old famaliar twisting angst in my stomach. If I didn't have a lot in my closet that fit the bill when I was in the corporate world I have less now. And as a Personal Coach, Author and Blogger who works from her home "business causal' might mean yoga pants and flip flops.

I struggled until I found something that would work with temperatures hovering near 90 in NYC and worries about how high the air conditioning might get. I read a feature in  The Times on how New York women dressed to deal with the heat, but none of the suggestions would be deemed appropriate in any office I worked in, business casual or not.  I went with my fashion mantra, what I felt good in, was comfortable, looked pulled together and stylish and perhaps stretched the limit of what others might deem appropriate. If I am reinventing my business life, I can reinvent how I dress for it.

But I did giggle when I saw the speaker hit the stage, the same one who had written in the clothing attire suggestion, a self made millionaire, stood in a sleeveless magenta dress with a plunging neckline and strappy sandals that would be deemed worthy of Carrie Bradshaw. Clearly she too has struggled with what the term "business casual" means for women.

The bigger issue is that even in a new century  what women should or should not wear in business remains unclear and controversial, something that is not true for men.  For me what I wear is a statement of who I am, how I am feeling on a given day and where I am off to, business or otherwise. I dress  to please only myself with the caveat that I am pulled together and wearing clothes that fit well. Or as my friend Lori Sutherland,  soul stylist and founder of Dame Lori Ltd  says in a way that taps into "the essential life force spirit within each of us." 

Tales of Reinvention: Karen Fitzgerald

Karen Fitzgerald has been an actress and singer for twenty five years. Her tale of  reinvention includes launching her own company, Flying Free Productions and adding writer to her list of credits. Six years ago she left the New England suburbs for the island of Manhattan to begin her life anew after a twenty five year marriage. I had the pleasure of seeing Karen perform her one woman show Hot Mama Mahatma at the Midtown International Theater Festival on Tuesday. We caught up after the show and I got to ask her some questions about her reinvention journey.

Did you choose reinvention or did it choose you?
I have been reinventing my whole life. I was born  to reinvent, literally.  November 2  is  astrologically the day of transformation. But the defining event in this reinvention was my divorce. I had a lot of fear at that point. As I talk about in my show, I did alot of prayer, a lot of journaling. I found the quieter I got, the more my own intuition kicked in. First it said sell your house, then it said you would move someplace bigger. I got an invitation to a birthday party in NYC just around the time I needed to decide where I would move to. Turns out I was staying in the apartment across the hall from where I now live! The woman who lived here just happened to be at that party and her move coincided with my need for a new residence. Things like that happen to me all the time.

Where did you get the idea for your scripts?
The quieter I got the louder my inner voice got. It said write, the film script, the TV pilot and of course Hot Mama Mahatma which is my story, or as I like to say, Eat Pray Love, run amok!

Has your past experience prepared you for this?
Everything I have ever done is tied to my writing. My acting gave me a sense of story sequence.  Both shows have to do with recovery. I was nineteen when I took my father to AA.  I believe that when you get to your destiny you start to see how everything you have ever done before is linked. Life is like a tapestry. You look at the backside and it is a mess, odd colors, totally random strings, all chaotic, makes no sense. Then you turn it over and see this beautiful design, all planned, every color and every string woven perfectly to create this intricate, beautiful image, your life!

What has been the biggest surprise?
I think in one of your blogs you wrote that magic is underrated.  Magic for me is really miracles. I used to worry all the time, but prayer showed me how to surrender. And when I learned how to do that one miracle after another unfolded.

What has been the biggest obstacle?
To remember to pay attention and notice the guidance when it shows up.

What has come the easiest?
To do the work, take the actions. Learning to release the worry and learning to trust.

Do you have any regrets?
I sometimes wish I had been wilder when I was younger but then I see that is what propels me forward now.

What do you love the most?
I love transformation. I like watching other people get there. That is why I wrote this show.  I have also been a keynote motivational speaker. I like showing people  that if I can do this, then you can too.
Besides that I love my children Chris and Lauren the most.

What do you miss the most?
My life now is amorphous. Then it was more structured, there was an expectation that each day would be the same in a good way, a comfort in the perceived stability. Now I feel like I am walking on trust. I think it was Edwene Gaines who said you walk out on a branch and you hope the tree is going to grow under you.

What advice would you give others shaking up their lives?
To do it!. Get really quiet whether through prayer, meditation, reading, journaling, whatever works for you. Ask for guidance and then listen for the answers. And seek out support.


You can follow Karen Fitzgerald on Facebook 


Tickets are still available to see Hot Mama Mahatma! this Saturday July 24 @2:30
 and Sunday July 25 @7.  For tickets https://www.ovationtix.com/trs/pr/756855  
I highly recommend it! It is laugh out loud funny, and it will also make you pause and get quiet for a little bit, just in case you're planning on doing some reinvention soon!

Do You Believe In Magic?

Magic is underrated. We don't put much weight on it. Magic does not seem to have as much rhyme or reason to us as a spreadsheet does. It requires surrender to the unseen as well as faith. You can't touch or see magic and you certainly can't download it onto your computer screen. Or can you? If you believe in magic that might be possible.

Our information on overload world drums it  into our head that we must look at the facts, we must do the research, and base  our plans on what we come up with. It's gotten worse since the computer invaded the desktop. There are now a dozen ways to look at the same information with the click of a key.  We take the elaborate conclusions reached from  a software program that someone designed to do a calculation to be the corporate bible. We point and say, there it is! That must be the way! We discount magic but we never discount what the machine told us. We forget to think and we forget to believe.

I am not advocating not doing the work. If I don't write I don't get published.

I am not suggesting to forgo research and data. If I don't know my market, no one will buy my services.

But I am suggesting that we have to remember to look at the forest and not just the trees. The trees themselves are important. Without them there is no forest. But it is the forest in its entirety that emanates the magic, those patches of  fresh grass and pink and yellow flowers in between that popped up out of nowhere, even when someone told us the ground was not suitable.

If you want to shake up your life, whether a minor renovation or a complete overhaul, in the words of Tug McGraw, "Ya Gotta Believe." When he coined that phrase in the 1973 baseball season no one imagined that the  New York Mets would go from last place to first and win not only the division title but the National League pennant. For Tug and the Mets it was about believing they could become champs. The statistics were against them, but it didn't matter. They created magic because they believed.

This might sound too supernatural for many of you but I recommend pondering it a while. Choose to believe in some force bigger than yourself,  besides your computer and the non stop bad news emanating from the Internet, the newspaper and television. Do the work and surrender to the magic. And let me know what happens.

The Art Of Pressing Pause

Breakdowns are inevitable. They are more than just a bump in the road. They usually occur when the journey has gotten so bumpy that you're starting to get nauseous. However they can also happen when you think there is only smooth sailing ahead, when out of nowhere a giant pothole  looms in front  and before you can swerve the car, you are inside of it with no clue how to get out.

A breakdown can be the signal for a Reinvention. But they are also part of Reinvention's journey. You don't get to go for your passion without having to pull off the side of the road to take a moment every now and then.

There are those who advocate never slamming on the brakes. They prefer to muddle on, without clarity of thought and  thick with the exhaustion the breakdown caused. They believe there is no gain without pain. For them the work is only about pushing ahead.

I'm not one of them.  My experience has been pushing forward when you can't see straight  only results in  walking in circles. Sometimes you have to press  pause  and take a moment to get clear.

What do you do with that moment?

Breathing is always a good start. It is very underrated but it is amazing how a few simple deep breaths can bring you back from the edge. Writing out my rage and frustration also benefits as does a particularly strenuous workout at the gym. A manicure or a silly TV show that makes me laugh or a call to a member of my cheering squad is a great antidote.  I am a big fan of trying to find not only the humor in the mess, but how you can turn it around to serve your purpose.  That doesn't work for everyone. The trick is to find what it is  that lifts you up and away from the situation so you can gain perspective.

How long to pause?

That depends on the severity of the breakdown and how well you learn to hone this skill. I recommend setting the timer, twenty minutes, an hour, the afternoon. But once you get the hang of it, the gift of the pause button is that it gives you a perspective and a chance to remember the reason you have chosen the path you did, it clears the energy, and allows you to look at something from a new angle. Then you can dive back into the work, only this time instead of trying to push that car out of a sinkhole, you are pulling it from above with the aide of a tow truck. And pulling is so much easier than pushing. Except of course when its the pause button.

Tales of Reinvention: Karen Quinn

Karen Nedler Quinn is another of the growing group of Corporate Expatriates. Karen's first novel, The Ivy Chronicles was published in January 2005. That was followed by three more, Wife in the Fast Lane, Holly Would Dream and The Sister Diaries.  This July is the debut of Karen's first work of non-fiction, Testing for Kindergarten. I had the opportunity to sit down recently and ask Karen a few questions about her latest project as well as the process of Reinvention.

Sometimes we choose to reinvent and sometimes it chooses us.  You've been reinventing for a while now. What was the defining moment that made you take this turn towards non fiction?
Testing for Kindergarten was unfinished business. When my son Sam was three we discovered that his problems in school were not due to capability but to an ear problem. He could not hear properly. He did terribly on his IQ test and we were told he would never get into private school. Fortunately for us my mother had a PhD in Early Childhood Education and knew what to do. She was able to give me exercises to work with Sam every night. A year later he took the test again and got the highest score in the class!

That experience inspired me to co found Smart City Kids, a company dedicated to improving every child's chance of acceptance to the school of their choice. I left Smart City Kids  and used my experience with Sam to write my first novel, The Ivy Chronicles. But always in the back of my mind I wanted to take what I had learned and make this information available to other parents. The resources I write about are more than just prepping for a test, they are about getting your child ready for Kindergarten.

Where did you get the idea for the board game for Testing for Kindergarten?
I had a desire to create a workbook to go with the book. However my publisher was not ready to commit to that so I came up with the idea of a board game. I wanted to make this a fun learning experience for kids. I took all the things Sam loved when I was working with him  and made it into play. It's an IQ Fun Park complete with the beach, the farm, the toy store and space babies.

Is there an on line or video version?
I get that question alot and the answer is no. Part of what makes this work is the time a parent takes with their child plus you cannot assess IQ without hearing a child talk.

How has your work experience and education prepared you for this?
It actually inspired it. I tutored children at one time, although I do not recommend tutors. I think it puts too much stress on the child.

What has been the biggest surprise concerning your reinvention?
The biggest surprise is that I am still reinventing. Smart City Kids was the first phase which took me to The Ivy Chronicles. I thought being a novelist was it, but the reinvention just never stops.

What has come the easiest for you?
The gift of leaving Corporate America is that I get to pursue projects I am truly, passionately interested in. That's the easiest. This book was easy, because I was in my pleasure the whole time.

Do you have any regrets?
Only ones that have to do with buying New York real estate!

What do you love the most?
That every morning I do not have to take a subway or drive to an office. I waste no time in commuting and I don't have to get dressed up every day.

What do you miss the most?
A regular paycheck. That everything I do depends on me. I miss having people around to talk to although I do not miss the politics.

What are you most proud of?
That I turned myself into someone I never expected or thought I could be. I never thought my novels would be considered for movies. I surprise myself with all the cool things I get to do and discover all the things I never knew I could do. It's fun to recreate.

What advice would you give to others contemplating shaking up their lives?
If you have an idea, just sit down and do it. Even if you don't know how, don't think, just do the work. If you're still working full time and only have an hour a day, use it. Create a community of like minded people. Attitude is very important. You need to surround yourself with your cheerleaders.

Testing for Kindergarten is available today. The game version would be out next month. Karen invites parents of young children to come to her website and sign up to get a free test prep Question delivered to their email boxes every day and/or sign up to follow her new blog, The Baby Ivy Chronicles.
You can follow Karen on Twitter at http://twitter.com/karenquinnnyc.

Note: In the interest of full disclosure Karen Quinn and I are members of the same community of six cheerleaders. We  check in on each other formally once every two weeks and never hesitate to reach out for an emergency 911.  Karen's path inspires my own. I am very excited for her newest project to hit the marketplace!

To Read, Perchance To Smile

I was practicing my elevator pitch for my book on a former colleague today. When I was done he asked me if the book has a happy ending.  My reply was easy. Of course it does. I believe in happy endings. In a world that seems overly consumed with the negative and the idea that doomsday is just a breath away I have no interest in reading a book or watching a movie that leaves me feeling worse than when I started. I have 24/7 news for that.

Which is just one of the reasons why I love Claire Cook's books. Claire's books entertain me. They make me laugh and they make me think.

I first blogged about Claire Cook last July.  In that blog I told the story of how we met via Twitter after a woman who turned out to be her book editor read a blog I wrote and suggested we connect. Since that time  we've remained cyberspace friends. I love being around women like Claire who remind me that my dream can and will be realized as hers has.

Claire is a reinventor. She wrote her first book at 45 and just this month published her seventh book, aptly titled Seven Year Switch. I finished it last night.  The characters she creates are hard not to like, so much so, you're sorry when you get to the last page that you have to leave them. The good news is if you  discovering her writing for the first time, there are six other novels that came before this one to lose yourself in and no doubt more to come. Now that's what I call a happy ending!

Pink Slippers On The Reinvention Runway

Last August I wrote a series of posts on my advice to those receiving the dreaded "Pink Slip." It's almost a year later and while I believe the economy is starting to turn for the positive, I also think those pink slips will continue for a while longer.  Corporations like to use difficult economic times as a justification to restructure, reorganize and weed out those they couldn't see a way to get rid of before. They're not quite done yet.

The question is what to do if one comes your way.

I, as always, have contended that the "Pink Slip" does not have to be dreaded. It can be the beginning of something much better if you allow it.

And if you follow my advice # 4  and  #8 you may want to check out this free discussion at NYU Stern on June 9,  "Seeing the Silver Lining in the Pink Slip- From Pink-slipper to Entrepreneur."  According to the event details this panel believes as I do, that the pink slip can open the door to doing what you really want.

Whether you are fearing the pink slip, hoping for one or just interested in hearing how others have taken the leap to do something different you might want to check it out. If nothing else you will not only be following my Pink Slip advice #3, you will be surrounding yourself with like minded individuals.

Time To Reinvent: Warning Sign #5

You hide all the sharp, pointed objects in your office.
You are afraid you might use them on someone.