I admit it. I watched the Whitney Houston funeral Saturday afternoon. I even hit record in case I missed something. I'm not sure what drove me to turn it on. Probably the same thing that has driven me to watch other televised memorials. A morbid curiosity to uncover how a life filled with so much potential could end so soon. Or perhaps just the writer in me that never tires of story, true or fiction.
In any case there I found myself. Lying on the couch with a cup of coffee tuned to CNN.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who was surprised that Kevin Costner was invited to speak. What surprised me even more was the depth of what he said and the clues he gave to what went wrong.
Whitney, he told us, was worried about being good enough. Which upon first hearing makes me laugh. Inarguably she had one of the most legendary voices of our time. How could she not know that she was good enough? How could she even worry about it?
But she did. With all of her fame and her celebrity status she worried about the same things we all do. Doubt and fear transcend race and socio-economic status as does that question of being good enough.
Smart enough, thin enough, fast enough, strong enough, talented enough, lovable enough, to be deserving. The prize could be the record contract, the book deal, the guy, you fill in the blank.
Her fears of being enough seemed to lead her to a dependence on alcohol and drugs as a way of coping and that led to her untimely death. For many of us, our fears of being good enough lead us to not even try for our prize.
We all saw her genius and talent, yet she worried it wasn't enough. Maybe in her reflection we can see our own.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
The First Step
The first step is so @##**/ #\ hard. Anyone who tells you it's not, is lying. Especially when it comes to the really important stuff. The stuff that is going to make the big differences in your life. The stuff that you know is for your own good.
I've taken a lot of first steps so I speak from what I know. Historically before those first steps, there is seemingly never-ending talk about whatever it is I want to change. Sometimes to the point where even I can't listen to me anymore. I've become so miserable and so repetitive going on about what is not right and what I want to change and that I am going to do something, someday soon, that I've bored myself. It's usually just about this point that I make a move. That is, when I haven't waited long enough for the Universe to intercede.
That's what happened when I was downsized in 2008. I knew I was done with 9 to 5 corporate life long before the pink slip, but I was too scared to do anything about it. I didn't like where I was but it felt awfully safe and comfortable to sit still and not take that first step down an unknown road.
Intellectually I knew that once I pointed my toes in the new direction and lifted a foot I wouldn't be able to stop moving. That's what happens when you are on the right path. It is as though a great gale force of wind is at your back propelling you forward and there is no stopping you.
Think about what happens when a baby takes their first steps. They struggle, they fall, they lose their balance as they attempt to do what they were born to do. But once they get going there is no turning back. They are, literally, on their path.
2012 will be a year of big change for us all. According to the numerologists, it is a 5 year which translates into fearlessness, change, joy and freedom. So my questions to you:
What will your change be this year?
What will you take your first step towards?
And because I am so passionate about change and about people living lives they love, and because I know from my own experience how hard it is to move towards that, I have created something brand spanking new. I am offering a 75-minute, one-time consultation in which we will explore what exactly is stopping you from taking your first step to whatever is next for you.
Is it your fear of success or failure, of money or lack of time?
Do you think its too late to make a change in your life?
Do you believe you don't really deserve to earn money and be happy at the same time?
Do you know you want to do something different but haven't a clue what that is?
It's what I like to think of a baby step before a big adult step.
I've taken a lot of first steps so I speak from what I know. Historically before those first steps, there is seemingly never-ending talk about whatever it is I want to change. Sometimes to the point where even I can't listen to me anymore. I've become so miserable and so repetitive going on about what is not right and what I want to change and that I am going to do something, someday soon, that I've bored myself. It's usually just about this point that I make a move. That is, when I haven't waited long enough for the Universe to intercede.
That's what happened when I was downsized in 2008. I knew I was done with 9 to 5 corporate life long before the pink slip, but I was too scared to do anything about it. I didn't like where I was but it felt awfully safe and comfortable to sit still and not take that first step down an unknown road.
Intellectually I knew that once I pointed my toes in the new direction and lifted a foot I wouldn't be able to stop moving. That's what happens when you are on the right path. It is as though a great gale force of wind is at your back propelling you forward and there is no stopping you.
Think about what happens when a baby takes their first steps. They struggle, they fall, they lose their balance as they attempt to do what they were born to do. But once they get going there is no turning back. They are, literally, on their path.
2012 will be a year of big change for us all. According to the numerologists, it is a 5 year which translates into fearlessness, change, joy and freedom. So my questions to you:
What will your change be this year?
What will you take your first step towards?
And because I am so passionate about change and about people living lives they love, and because I know from my own experience how hard it is to move towards that, I have created something brand spanking new. I am offering a 75-minute, one-time consultation in which we will explore what exactly is stopping you from taking your first step to whatever is next for you.
Is it your fear of success or failure, of money or lack of time?
Do you think its too late to make a change in your life?
Do you believe you don't really deserve to earn money and be happy at the same time?
Do you know you want to do something different but haven't a clue what that is?
It's what I like to think of a baby step before a big adult step.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
A Different Kind Of Giving Birth
When I first read my dear friend, artist and fellow writer, Suzi Banks Baum's request for guest posts for her "Out of the Mouths of Babes" project I felt ill equipped to write anything having to do with mothering. Mostly because I am not one. But something called to me that particular Saturday morning and when a writer finds words flowing, she must put them to paper, or in today's day and age, open a new Word document and get to it. Besides, Suzi reminded me I had a mother, and that was enough to get me in the conversation.
So I invite you to click this link and stop over to her beautiful website, Laundry Line Divine and read what I have to say about a A Different Kind of Giving Birth. But be forewarned, she has so much good stuff going on, you may linger there for a while. In fact you just might be inspired to submit a guest post of your own.
So I invite you to click this link and stop over to her beautiful website, Laundry Line Divine and read what I have to say about a A Different Kind of Giving Birth. But be forewarned, she has so much good stuff going on, you may linger there for a while. In fact you just might be inspired to submit a guest post of your own.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
They Won't All Love You
One of the hardest adjustments I had when I first became a manager was adjusting to the fact that not everyone was going to love me. In fact they may not even like me.
Up until then that is what I strived for. As a salesperson, one learned to go out of their way to make sure they were liked. After all no one was going to buy your wares if they didn't like you first. Even back then, in the late eighties, when the world was less cluttered, there were still a lot of media choices. Being likable helped.
Now that I was a manager, I was told not to worry about whether I was liked, as long as I was respected. I was going to make decisions or be responsible for enforcing someone else's decisions. To think that every single person affected by my choices was going to be happy, was not just unrealistic, it was impossible. It took adjusting, but I got used to it. And the stronger I felt in myself as a professional and as a woman, the easier it became.
That is not to say that I wasn't tested. That young girl inside of me who just wanted a sense of approval by making everyone her friend could still make an appearance. She still does. I am still tested.
Sometimes it is on a sales consulting project. Sometimes with a potential new coaching client. But the times that really test me are when it comes to reviews for my novel.
I've been lucky. Most of the reviews so far have been beyond favorable, enough to make me certain I am indeed a writer. But every now and again I get what I consider a mediocre review, 3 stars instead of 4 or 5. Or a few days go by and the Like button on Amazon hasn't moved. And I am back there. Not understanding. Unsure of my self-worth in this new place I've chosen to stand. Longing to feel the approval of being liked. Being tested. Remembering what I was taught. Remembering what I would tell a client.
They won't all love you. They won't all like you. Strive for respect.
The Kindle edition of The Secrets They Kept is on sale for just $.99, now through Valentine's Day.
Up until then that is what I strived for. As a salesperson, one learned to go out of their way to make sure they were liked. After all no one was going to buy your wares if they didn't like you first. Even back then, in the late eighties, when the world was less cluttered, there were still a lot of media choices. Being likable helped.
Now that I was a manager, I was told not to worry about whether I was liked, as long as I was respected. I was going to make decisions or be responsible for enforcing someone else's decisions. To think that every single person affected by my choices was going to be happy, was not just unrealistic, it was impossible. It took adjusting, but I got used to it. And the stronger I felt in myself as a professional and as a woman, the easier it became.
That is not to say that I wasn't tested. That young girl inside of me who just wanted a sense of approval by making everyone her friend could still make an appearance. She still does. I am still tested.
Sometimes it is on a sales consulting project. Sometimes with a potential new coaching client. But the times that really test me are when it comes to reviews for my novel.
I've been lucky. Most of the reviews so far have been beyond favorable, enough to make me certain I am indeed a writer. But every now and again I get what I consider a mediocre review, 3 stars instead of 4 or 5. Or a few days go by and the Like button on Amazon hasn't moved. And I am back there. Not understanding. Unsure of my self-worth in this new place I've chosen to stand. Longing to feel the approval of being liked. Being tested. Remembering what I was taught. Remembering what I would tell a client.
They won't all love you. They won't all like you. Strive for respect.
The Kindle edition of The Secrets They Kept is on sale for just $.99, now through Valentine's Day.
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