How To Own Your Story

One of the perks of teaching a graduate class at NYU is that I get to interact with students who come from all over the world with the most fascinating backgrounds. I encourage them to share their stories. As I see it their stories are part of what makes up their personal brand and it's important to get clear on what that is - especially in today's world where your digital footprint means so much. 

This always proves a challenge. 

Even more so than the telling of the story is in the owning of it. 

By owning it I mean really standing in it. 
Liking it.
Every inch of it.
The good and the not so good.
All the twists and turns.  
The bumps and detours along the way. 
The stuff that might embarrass us if we allow it to. 

It sounds easier than it is. 
Which is why most of us don't do it.
This lack of ownership is not limited to my grad students.

We trivialize our achievements.
We ignore the parts of us that others see as assets.
We think our stories aren't interesting enough.
We compare our stories and see ourselves falling short.

We don't see our own value.
We lack belief in who we are and what we are doing.
We forget that what makes a story good is all those twists and turns we've taken.

As someone who has reinvented three times my story has evolved over time. Each time I stumbled a bit before I got going. But when I started to own the place I was in my story - my authentic self took over and that's when it all started to flow.

When we own our stories we become a magnet. People want to know who we are. Read our stuff. Buy our products. Hire us. Maybe even take us on a date.


So how does one own their story?

You start by learning to like it. To see all the steps you took to get you to now as having purpose and value. 

It might require a mild out of body experience in which you step back and look at yourself as if you are someone you have never met - just some stranger you struck up a conversation with at a cocktail party.

Or simply an hour with a pen and paper writing down all those things you're good at, have experience with, the places you've lived, the adventures you've embarked on, the mark you want to make on the world, what makes you smile.

The more convinced you allow yourself to become that your story matters - the more you own it. And when we own our stories - everything changes.

So tell me - are you owning your story?


psst...the Big Countdown to Spring Sale continues over at Amazon! 

Not Business As Usual

Tuesday, April 16, 2013 and it is not business as usual. Nor should it be.

I don’t want to see your cheery tweet about the recap to the Fashion for PAWS runway show or the agony and ecstasy of book reviews. I am not interested in your ability to tune out tragedy and get on with what is most important to you. Whether you are an individual doing that or a brand not smart enough to pull those scheduled social media messages for just a little bit, I lose respect for you. You’ve shown me another side of who you really are and I don’t like it. PS. When given a choice, you won’t be getting my money anytime soon.

Don’t misunderstand me. I believe in moving on. I believe in moving past. I believe in getting on with life. And I understand the mentality behind such acts of terror is for us to not do that. Whoever was behind this wants to instill fear. Deep, abiding fear that makes us not want to leave our house and to alter our way of life. But that does not mean its okay to inundate me with Tweets asking me what books I like to read or taking me to articles on how to fire someone in a respectful manner. Not today.

Today is not about business as usual. Not just yet. Victims are lying in Mass General fighting for their lives. Men and women who were running a race with two legs yesterday are now being told they are missing a limb. And children. At the moment we know of at least one little boy who lost his life. 

The sun is shining today. Even brighter than yesterday but the world is much different.

I know that feeling. I know what it’s like to wake up one bright sunny morning when all seems right with the world and go to sleep knowing your city will never be the same place again. I am after all, a New Yorker. I was here on 9/11.  And while I have gone on and so has the city, I will never forget.

So I let my heart ache today. I let the tears well in my eyes when I listen to the accounts of horror mixed with the acts of heroics by those who raced to help. I am struck as I always am by the inherent spirit of humans to pull together in community in the face of such adversity.  I feel the pain of that city and remember that of my own.

Yes, I will be working today. I will make progress on projects in the cue and keep my business meetings. I will break to get an update. To see if they have found whoever was responsible for all this. I will pray and send love and light to those who need it.  But I will not fill my social networks with solicitations for business. I will not be sharing tips on digital strategy. Not today.

It’s not business as usual. Not yet. Not for me.

Yes, there are other tragedies that happen every day. Shootings and killings and acts of violence all over the world. But for me, this is not just any place.

This is Boston.

This is where my cousin JoJo and Ted grew up. The first city I visited outside of New York when I was a kid. A city that did not have a Central Park but a Boston Commons complete with Swan Boat rides that my Aunt Helen took us on. It is where I watched my best friend from college get married in a ceremony overlooking the Charles River. It is where a waiter at a restaurant in the North End  adamantly told me I was ruining my seafood pasta for asking him to put cheese on it.  It’s a city whose people I know. Good, solid people proud of their town and of their world famous marathon.  I’ve wandered up and down those shops on Newbury and Boylston Streets. I’ve traveled there for pleasure and for work. It’s a city with character, with soul and with a heart.

Today that heart has big crack in it. It deserves deference and respect.

I consider myself a digital evalengist of sorts. Which means I understand that our 24/7 world never really shuts down and trying to get it to is near impossible.

But it can slow a bit. It can pause. It can take some time to feel instead of spew. It can exercise sensibility. It can spread a conversation fitting of the day after such a horrific event.  

Not one soliciting me to sign up for your new five week class on how to build a better website or informing me  that Game of Thrones has slipped in their social rankings. Not today.

Today is not business as usual.  

Six Things You Should Know About Blogging

The other day a friend who is relatively new to blogging asked me if my blog had helped me professionally.  I could tell by the look on her face that she still wasn't sold on the idea of blogging, nor were her posts flowing freely. I could also tell that she was wondering just exactly how a blog equated to paying the rent.

The thing is, there is no direct line to the cash. Which is the dirty truth that no one wants to speak about for most marketing.  But that doesn't make it any less important. In a digital age, a blog can serve as an interactive platform for who you are or who your business is. If you approach it right, a blog can lay the groundwork that will eventually translate into revenue for whatever products or services you offer. But if you think that every time you post an article, a new client will appear, think again.

I like to think of blogging as I do most social media. It's free marketing. I'll repeat that. FREE. And because I like to write. No, slash that,  LOVE to write, blogging for me is fun. Which is very important to mention if you are of the ilke that believe there is no reason to do anything if you are not making money. Fun is a reason to do a lot of things. Carol Burnett was recently interviewed on The View. She was asked if she had any idea in 1967, the first year it aired,  the impact The Carol Burnett Show would have on television. Her answer was no. All that had been agreed upon with the cast was that no matter what, they were going to have fun with each other. See what can happen when you're having fun!

If you are having fun, chances are the voice you are writing in will be much more authentic. Authenticity is how you build your following, your audience or in the words of Seth Godin, your tribe. And by authentic, I mean authentic. Not artificially authentic.

I started this blog almost four years ago. It hasn't made me rich. At least not yet. But it has worked for me. This is what I know that might help you.

1. It's a stake in the ground that says who or what you are. I launched this blog on November 18, 2008,  just three months into my non-corporate life. I was on unsteady feet, not sure exactly what my life moving forward was going to look like. Creating this blog was symbolic for me. It was a place for me to come to, every day, to evaluate, to think and to shout to the world that I was on a new adventure. No, I did not blog every day, but I did hang out here quite a bit when I was trying to figure out what to write.

2. A blog is a platform, a calling card, a giant billboard if you will, of who you are. Whether you are a CEO or an entrepreneur, a blog that you consistently contribute to is part of your digital platform. It is a chance for you to share expertise, ideas and information. Somedays, but never every day, it will include shameless self-promotion.  When I meet someone new,  I invite them to stop by.  It's a chance for them to get a better idea of who I am, how I think and what I have to offer that they might need.

3. Blog because you have something to say that you think is worth sharing. A lot of people  approach blogging as a chore. Something they should be doing instead of wanting to do.  Many start blogging with the intention of getting attention. Or new customers. Or people to sign up for their latest  class or buy their latest widget. Yes, I have that fantasy that the next blog I write might be the one that goes viral or soars my books to the #1 spot on the New York Times Best Seller List. But trust me, when I have tried to make that happen, it's a disaster.  What I have found works best is to blog when I have an idea that I think might be helpful and shareworthy. (and yes, I do try and have those ideas at least once a week!)

4. Write for you first. If you write to please others, that's exactly how you will come across.  Don't over think. As a writer, I consider my blog writing practice unleashed. I never think it my best writing, because I don't give it as much time as I would a full length article or book. But it is my writing. And I try to make it good writing. Plus it does give me the thrill of hitting that publish button as often as I like.

5. Blog because you can. Less than one hundred years ago women were not allowed to vote in this country. Today not only can I vote, but blogging has given me the freedom to voice whatever I am thinking without censure. I don't need a big corporation behind me to fund my writing (although I am always opening to funding ;))  My blog is my contribution to the greater good. Hopefully. A place where I can say what I want and trust that at least one other person, somewhere, benefits from that.

6. Sometimes my blog goes on vacation.  Like these last few weeks. It gets tired. It needs a break from all this on-line interaction. The writer in me gets involved in other writing projects, not to mention coaching.  Sometimes I can get so in the writing flow of that project, that I can't stop.  Even though I know consistency is important in the care and feeding of a blog, I take the gamble that I won't lose too many readers in its absence.

I hope I didn't lose too many while I was gone.

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