Humbled

When you've been doing the same thing for a long time, you think you know a lot. Sometimes you think you know it all. Until that moment you decide to do something different. And you discover there is an awful lot you have yet to learn. That is the moment you become humbled.

Witness what happens on my guilty pleasure, Dancing With The Stars. Accomplished athletes are my favorite example. They excel in their particular sport. Now asked to move their body in a new manner and it doesn't look like they are as accomplished as they were. Or take the models. Stunningly beautiful when standing still, but asked to stretch their arms and legs while moving in rhythm to music and their image alters. They are beginners again,  faced with a new challenge, and if they are like me, humbled at all they didn't know.

I spent years selling and marketing other people's stuff. I  can make that look easy.  I always knew I could write, I just avoided it. But when I set my mind to really creating story, it came naturally. Yes, I was challenging myself but it was not borne of humility but of the fear of letting my voice be heard to more than my circle of friends.

But now, as I have learned the mechanics and pitfalls of digital files, upload my novel to the various outlets where The Secrets They Kept will be sold, try and figure out when it will be available in all places at the same time, as I start to tackle these new frontiers of letting people know it is there, I am humbled.
There is no other word. Humbled. Like a first grader who knows they are ready for more, but can't help but reflect back how easy Kindergarten was. I am in virgin territory.  And from that new humility I am challenged in a way that is at once terrifying and as alive as one can feel.

Do you think you know it all?
Or are you taking on new challenges that humble you, yet push you forward?

The Secret: Remembering to Have Fun

I admitted it publicly here back in March when the season first started, but unless you've been following my Twitter stream you don't know the whole truth. I never stopped watching. The whole season. Every week. I knew how hooked I was when  I  logged in to http://abc.go.com/ and  started voting. I couldn't help myself. I was addicted, all over again.

And now the morning after the season finale of Dancing with the Stars  I want to avoid the inevitable withdrawal and I know no other way than to digest with you here.

Kirstie Alley was the reason I started watching again and Kirstie was the reason I stayed. Yes, I developed a crush on Hines Ward. Who wouldn't? His enthusiasm was contagious. I mean how could you not smile when Hines was dancing. His energy was palpable.  Besides, the transformation of a wide receiver for the Pittsburgh Steelers into graceful dancer is what the show is all about. Not to mention the chemistry with Hines and Kym.

It wasn't Chelsea Kane that kept me hooked.  As good a dancer as she was, as clean and crisp and studied her steps, Chelsea never really looked like she was enjoying what she was doing, nor for that matter did her equally talented partner.  They took it all a bit too seriously to captivate the masses. 

And then there was their obsession with how young they were compared to everyone else. Chelsea would refer to the demographics of the show while waiting for her scores as though your average DWTS viewer knew what she was referrring to or cared. It seemed an attempt to justify just in case she and Mark did not make it to the next week. I never quite got how they didn't see their youth was an asset if only in stamina and flexibility and that an older person (that would be me) would vote for someone younger if they felt them deserving.

I've no doubt that as Chelsea is trying to figure out what she did wrong, not only losing, but coming in third to Kirstie's second, she is still not getting it. So I'm going to let her in on the secret.

This competition is not about doing it right or wrong. It is not just about the steps being perfect, the choreography detailed and learning the dances. It is about having fun. It is about transformation. It is about stretching your being to do something you never did before or thought you could do. It is about inspiring the viewers that maybe they too might want to try something they never thought possible for them. It is about enjoying yourself and letting it show.

Kirstie was my hero this season. There were many who thought she was just one more over fifty woman who would hang out for a while, entertain the audience  with her star presence but never really learn how to dance. Wrong!  Kirstie did learn how to dance. She fell and picked herself up with grace. She lost her shoe and did not miss a step. She did not use her age or excess weight as excuses but rather challenges only she could get past.  She captivated Max to want to show her how, tough Max, known for his impatience and getting angry at his partners. No one could possibly argue that she earned her place in the finals last night. 

Above all she had fun. She took her pleasure in every moment. And she communicated it to the audience as did Hines who took home the Mirrorball trophy with Kym.  

That's my lesson for Chelsea. It is not enough to be really good at what you do if you take yourself too seriously and don't look like you're having fun. And you can do that at any age. 

Are you having fun and enjoying your challenges?

Does it show?

My Confession

It wasn't something I was planning on. I had resolved myself that I was done, in fact publicly admitting that I was over it on this very blog. But I knew I might be tempted. From the moment the previews featured her, a real star chosen as part of the cast I knew I could  be broken from my resolve.

She was after all Kirstie Alley. She was funny, she was a celebrity in the traditional sense, she was hardly athletic and she was a woman well over the age of fifty.

But I still didn't seek it out. I just turned on the television last night, ready to head over to Showtime on Demand and watch Sunday's episode of Californication and there it was. Dancing with the Stars. About forty minutes in.  I thought I'd watch for just a few minutes, to see if she had danced yet but she hadn't. So I kept watching. I told myself it would just be until Kirstie performed, then I would change the channel. They must have known because they saved her for last, an hour and twenty minutes after I had first tuned in.

I'd forgotten how addictive the show can be.  Once you start watching, its hard to stop. And now there is Kirstie. Real star entertainment.

I haven't set my DVR yet. It's too soon to tell. I'm thinking maybe I'll watch as long as Kirstie lasts. But if last night's performance was any indication, that could be most of the season. She had the second highest score of the evening, totally rocking, owning her beauty and dancing like the star she is!

DWTS: Live Or Staged?

Tonight is the finale of Dancing With The Stars.  This used to be appointment television for me. But as you know DWTS and I parted ways at the beginning of the season over a difference in the definition of what being a star means.

Of course even without having once turned on the show all Fall,  I would have to be living under a rock not to know that somehow Bristol Palin has managed to get herself into the final three.  Bristol Palin's weekly scores  are apparently more significant and warrant more media attention than the Start Treaty.

As a seasoned viewer I can tell you that she is  hardly  the first not so great dancer that should have been voted off weeks earlier but managed to survive longer than she should.  She has one of those fan bases that is more dedicated to the interactive voter aspect than your average viewer. But usually by this, the season finale what you are left with are truly the best dancers.

Not so this time. Two really good dancers and Bristol. Or so I am told by the press and  the few people I know who still watch the show.

The Palins and their fan posse will tell you it is all fair and honest and there is no truth to the questionable methods being tauted by the coalition of conservatives rallying to see her win. That people can relate to "poor Bristol" because she is like them, that this is harder for her than it is for the other contestants because she has never been on a stage before, that she is an unwed teenage mother just trying to put food on the table for her child.

To which my answer is  that is  why you are supposed to be a real "star" to participate, so  being the center of attention is not foreign or uncomfortable for you.

I for one do not relate to Bristol or her family. I was too terrified at her age to have unprotected sex for fear of getting pregnant and the repercussion from my father, not to mention moose hunting is not, has never been or is likely to make it to my bucket list. And my mom never reneged on a commitment to a job halfway through. Overall I find their "authenticity" feigned and staged in much the way a dance is choreographed.

As for the economics, has anyone seen the money her mother is raking in since quitting her job as Governor of Alaska?

But I digress.

The bigger question, is it possible that she might win tonight?

I think it is.

And if it happens what message are we sending out there? Are we telling teenagers that it is OK if you get pregnant because you too might turn your life around and get a contract for a reality show? Have we completely denigrated the word "star"?  Or has what was once a fun reality show filled with entertainment become yet another political platform for Bristol's "stage" mother?

What do you think?

Vote for Claire Cook

I wrote off my love affair with Dancing with the Stars at the beginning of this season. Their definition of star and mine no longer jived. It was all just too much for me to bear and so I deleted the DVR setting for Monday and Tuesday evenings and found other things to occupy my time.

But there just might be a way for the show to win me back. A petition is underway that started through Media Bistro and GalleyCat to include an author in the next season's lineup. Yes, Author.  In my book an author is a celebrity. Especially one with several publications to her credit, one of which has been made into a major motion picture.

If we can call Bristol Palin and The Situation "stars" why has not  one successful author ever  been given a chance to win the Mirror Ball trophy? Why are we not celebrating good writers who entertain us with words and story as "stars"?  If Dancing with the Stars is redefining "star" and "celebrity" why are authors not included in the mix?

With that I invite you to visit the Facebook petition and cast your vote for my friend, reinventor and author Claire Cook.  Claire has written seven books, her most famous, Must Love Dogs made it to the silver screen. She is totally up for this ride. All we have to do is convince  those casting folks over at ABC and Dancing with the Stars!

Give her a thumbs up and encourage your friends to do the same !

The Last Dance

Dear Dancing with the Stars,

I didn't want it to end. I loved spending my Monday and Tuesday evenings with you. I set my DVR just in case of an emergency and I had to be away, because I never wanted to miss an episode. I was one of your true, loyal fans. I voted every week. I encouraged my friends to do so too. I tweeted and posted on Facebook my anticipation for another season. I blogged about you, my guilty pleasure. I was not a casual admirer. I even went so far as to drive to New Jersey to the Prudential Center and see the show when it went on tour!  I've missed you so, all summer long. But now it's over. Done. I know we can't go on.

It is so very hard to write this. But we're through. You're just not the same show you used to be. You've changed.  I thought you were different than all those other reality shows.  But it turns out I was wrong.

I could see it coming. For a long time I questioned your definition of the word Star. For me  it means someone who has become famous because they earned it. They are an accomplished artist in film or song, a professional athlete, a master of their craft. For you, it has been someone who you hope will garner great free publicity and thus draw good ratings.

First there was Melissa Rycroft. No sooner was she dumped on The Bachelor than you decided she was a star. The next season there was Jake Pavelka and horror of horrors,  Kate Gosselin! OK. So I've been in the TV business. I know you did it for ratings because those translate into money and that is what you are all about. But really, she was so bad it was physically painful to watch. I thought you  would have learned your lesson. But I was wrong, wrong, wrong.

Now you have pushed me over the edge.  I kept hearing the rumors but I didn't want to believe they were true. You couldn't possibly be casting Bristol Palin and The Situation as Stars!  But again, I was wrong, wrong, wrong. 

Our definitions of Star are just too different! Bristol Palin, one day the daughter of the woman who did not complete her term as Governor of Alaska, and a teenage unwed mother, the next a Star?  And The Situation. I can't even begin to go there. I didn't even know he had a real name until I saw your list this morning.

Yes Michael Bolton, Margaret Cho, Florence Henderson and all the rest are stars. But Bristol Palin and The Situation? These are not stars!   These are  masqueraders! Perhaps you should consider changing   the name of the show to Dancing with the Masqueraders. After all, you too DWTS,  are not who you professed to be! Alas! Such deception is just too much for me.

And so I have to leave. I have to end our  ten season relationship. I thought you were different, but I was wrong. I thought about trying to continue, to put this aside, hope they are both out in the first few weeks and  pretend this deception was OK.  But I can't. I'm a woman of principle. Your choices perpetuate the message our media obsessed culture continues to put out there. You don't have to work to earn celebrity status.  Just do something, anything that will garner media attention, the more outlandish and controversial the better, and you too will be considered a star. 

I will miss you, DWTS, but I'm sure my absence will go unnoticed. You see I have never  been  asked to participate in a Nielsen survey.  So while my vote for the best dancer might have counted, my viewership does not help you to get that high price you quote for a spot in the live show. Which we know, in the end is what this is all about. It is not about picking true Stars. It is about getting people to tune in so you can charge more money to advertise. Yes, you too are just another corporate sell out.

I'm sure there will be others who feel otherwise, who will ignore this, pretend like it is OK. But not I.
I can't pretend. It will be hard. I won't deny that. I will miss Carrie Anne Inaba, Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli. I will miss Tom Bergeron's entertaining hosting and all my favorite pros, Julianne, Derek, Cheryl, Edyta, Tony, Mak, Kym and Lacey. I will miss getting to see Jennifer Grey dance again. It's been a long time since Dirty Dancing.

But I will find other shows to watch and books to read to fill in your gap. And I will encourage others who are disillusioned to do the same. I've heard about other dancing shows that are good. I was just too loyal a fan to even switch the channel.

While this is painful, I must go now, sign on to Facebook and remove my like button.  Perhaps we will cross each other's  path again. One never knows. Life is like that.  You could change. Or not.

Farewell!
Your once loving and adoring fan



 This blog is being syndicated on BlogHer, Life well said.

Dancing Lessons

I love to dance and I love to watch dancing. That's me before my dance recital in grade school. You can tell by the black and white photo how long my love of dancing has been going on. It didn't matter that my dance teacher told my mother she was wasting her money on my lessons or that my mother listened to her. Life was different than. If a teacher told a parent something like that, the parent rarely questioned. I lived with the image of me being uncoordinated for a long time.

As an adult occasionally someone told me I was a good dancer. I never believed them. In fact, all it did was make me think less of their opinion on anything else.

Then I met Sally and her husband Alex Tchassov and starting taking lessons with him four years ago. I don't think I'm uncoordinated anymore. I learned I can dance. But more than that I learned about life.

Alex is from Russia. He is passionate about dance and full of insight and the parallels of the movement to life. I kept notes. It's one of my things. I like to keep notes.

I took a look at those notes this morning as I sat down to write a blog about my favorite show , Dancing with the Stars. You see I'm one of those people who is bothered by Kate Goslin. I usually cheer on an underdog, but I can't with her. And I haven't been able to figure out why.

Then I read this, paraphrased from Alex without the Russian accent:

Dancing is like life, it throws us off balance and we struggle to keep that balance with grace. We can't stand there and demand our fun. We need to enjoy and dance with our heart and not our brain.

And I got what bothers me about her. Rather than surrender to her situation, she is not merely resisting, but choosing the role of the victim on and off the dance floor, playing to excuses she has no previous dance experience, begging for votes through tears and hoping we will all feel sorry for her.

I'm not one for victims. I'm for taking responsibility. Victims don't get my vote.

I don't expect Kate will last much longer. This is after all a dance competition and there are much better dancers in it. I only hope when she leaves she takes away more than a dance lesson. She learns what I was fortunate enough to learn from Alex. Life is a big dance. We can show up, give it our all, learn to enjoy it no matter what is served up and find out dancing with grace is alot easier than we had thought.