Plans. Big Plans. A Sneak Preview

It’s that time in December, midway through the month and close enough to New Year's, when I start to reflect back over the year. 

At first glance 2011 is one big blur.  But then, that is why I take the time to do this. So I can get into focus, remember, acknowledge and hopefully get some idea of where I want to go next.

My big mark in 2011, by far, was publishing my novel. As a writer, I am an observer. You can't write very well when you are not taking notice of the world around you and people's reactions to it. And so I've watched the responses to my achievement. I've listened to questions which range from Are the characters in The Secret They Kept true? to How did you do that? 

My answer to the first question is no. The characters are fictional and yes I grew up Greek but no one character is anybody I ever knew. The second question has proven much harder. My response is I just did, like I've done everything else in my life from leaving teaching in 1983 to take that first radio sales job to baking Greek sweet  bread for Christmas. I’m organized, driven, and really good at self-imposing deadlines and sticking to it. I like research and discovery and figuring out parts of the puzzle. I have a vast network of resources and connections that I have curated over time.  I read and can follow directions and make up the parts that don't make sense. And I’m really good at figuring out how to maintain my sense of humor and thus insert some fun into the process, even at the most stressful of times. And when someone says no, I say why not?

I assume that's what everyone does.

But of course that is not true. That's why people stand in awe that I published my story in much the same way they do when they recognize that three years after forsaking that supposedly "safe, secure corporate world" I am not rummaging through the trash looking for recyclables to turn into cash. That's why I hear over and over again how inspiring I am. That's why it took until now for me finally to get it.

Which brings me to a sneak preview of my plans. Big plans. On my docket for 2012.


Yes, yes there will be another novel. But that's not all.


I want to share my knowledge, experiences and wisdom with more of you. I want to show you how the skills and perspective I learned selling and working with large and small businesses will help you whether you are a start-up greeting card company, ready to publish your own work or plotting your next career move within your current industry. I want to inspire, guide you, connect you and give you direct access to the wealth of information I hold. 
So I will be opening 12 new slots for coaching, of which at least one will be a group opportunity.
12 slots. 12-week programs. In 2012. 

According to the Mayan calendar this is a big year that will bring planetary changes. Are you ready to create yours? Because if you are I want to help!


More details will be forthcoming. So stay tuned. And if you are not already signed up for my newsletter, click here to do so now! 

And one more thing....don't forget that books make great gifts!

Birthdays and Smiles

Today would have been my father's 90th birthday. And as I write this I am thinking of him and smiling. Because that is what my father would have wanted. He liked to make people laugh. Frowns were not allowed in his presence and if you dared to offer one, he would do his best to figure out a way to make it go away.

Yet even as I smile, it is hard to fight off the tears. One would think 25 years after someone has died the tears would have run out. There would be no more to cry. But there always seems to be one more, hidden away, just waiting for it's moment to appear.

His birthday is hardly the only time I think of him. He intersects my thoughts at some point, if only for a minute, every day. And while his physical form has passed, I still feel his presence.

Like last week when I was putting the lights on the tree. I tested the two sets and they both worked. Yet somehow, once up, only one was working. My mother gave me an extra set she had, which I added on, never taking down the broken one. And suddenly, as if by a miracle, when  all three were in place, that middle set started working. I felt him right then and there, his big smile, hearty laugh and mischievous nature, letting me know he didn't think there were enough lights to start out with and this was his way of interceding.

I wonder sometimes what he would look like now, if he had been given the gift my mother has, of getting to live a long and healthy life. Would he have kept his sense of humor through it all or would he have become a curmudgeonly old man watching Fox News all day and getting angry? Would he be proud I have become a writer and published author or would he have fallen into that camp of people who think I am crazy to try something new at this point in my life?

The world has changed so much since he left it. And as people we change too. But the one thing I am sure he never would have forsaken was his big smile, his hearty laugh, and the way he would fill a room with his energy when he walked in.

Dad in 1964 with the only two things he loved more than his family, cigarettes and a beer.
I'm not sure where he was, but being the Brooklyn boy he was,
I'll guess Coney Island or Sheepshead Bay.

Books Make Great Gifts

'Twas the week before Christmas and the last thing you feel like doing is shopping for gifts. So here is my list of suggestions that in most cases with free shipping and expedited delivery you can order from the comfort of your home while sipping a glass of wine, baking cookies and watching your favorite holiday movie classic. (note: these gifts also work if your holiday season is Hanukkah or Kwanzaa)

You'll notice that they are all books. Yes, books make great gifts. You can give the good old fashioned kind printed on paper or gift an e-version to the person in your life who reads electronically. Note that the option for e-gifting on Amazon works for iPad readers as well that have a Kindle app. You'll also notice that this is not as self-serving as it might seem. Yes, I suggest The Secrets They Kept for the fiction lover in your life,  but I also have others to share. I really do believe books make great gifts. These are a few of my favorites, all of which I am proud to say have a spot on my bookshelf. 


Shoe Are You
for the shoe lover 
This delightful book, complete with illustration, is the first of its kind, offering  advice for your life, your wardrobe and career -- all based on your footwear. If you are a stiletto girl, ballet flat girl, cowboy boot girl or even a barefoot girl, you will find out what your shoes say about you. Written by shoe expert and TV personality Meghan Cleary.


Using the Power of Pleasure To Have Your Way in the World
for the woman who is looking for more pleasure, every day, every where
Relationship expert Regena Thomashauer teaches the "womanly arts" of identifying your desires, having fun no matter where you are, owning sensual pleasure, befriending your inner bitch, and flirting. It's no secret that this book changed my life.


No Excuses: 9 Ways Women Can Change How We Think About Power
for the woman who wants to know not just how to make change, but why it is needed
More on women and power, this time from feminist icon Gloria Feldt. What I love about this is not just the very useful tools she shares but the historical perspective and anecdotes that point to the elephant in the room that too many pretend doesn't exist anymore, that as far as we have come, inequality for women still exists.


Secrets of Six-Figure Women
for the woman who is looking to create a new world order around her finances
Yes, I seem a bit obsessed with secrets. I also have a bit of an obsession for the wisdom of financial expert  Barbara Stanny. This is is just one of her many books in which she helps women develop a better relationship with their money. This one gives you the skinny on what the high earning women she interviewed know that you don't.


The Secret Pleasures of Menopause
for the woman who is near or at "that age" and is looking for the rainbow
There is that secret thing again, not to mention pleasure. Mmm. Is there a theme here? I digress.  I realize that for some of you the idea that menopause might bring anything more than hot flashes seems like a very cruel joke. But joke it is not. Dr. Christiane Northrup will show you that this can indeed be the best time of your life. Also by the enlightened and brilliant Dr. Northrup, Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom, and The Wisdom of Menopause.


Testing for Kindergarten
for the mother of young children in your life
First, let's set the record straight. This is not just a book that will help you get your child into private school. Karen Quinn has written a primer that every parent should read on how to make learning fun for your kids. And when learning is fun, those school applications, from kindergarten to college will be a lot easier to take.


The Secrets They Kept
for the fiction lover looking to discover new writing voices
Can you blame me for inserting one more self-serving plug here before I wrap this up? This engaging story about the long kept secrets of a Greek-American family has been called "a true page turner", "an excellent debut novel", "a telling lesson in honesty, or how the lack of it can disrupt our entire lives", " a roller coaster ride of intrigue" and a  story in which "Women-strong women- take center stage....distinguishing it from your run of mill novel." 


In closing and in full disclosure I have the distinct honor and yes, pleasure of knowing each of these authors on a first name basis. Each has contributed to my personal journey over the last several years. Their wisdom has added to my wisdom. And that is the greatest gift of all. 




What's your favorite book to give as a gift?

The Silent Epidemic

The Dali Lama has said that it is Western women who will heal the world. Judging from the group of women I had the good fortune to meet and talk with last week, he is on to something.

My reason for being there was a bit circuitous. It started several weeks prior when I met Marcella Goheen and heard her tell her story of The Maria Project, a solo theatre performance in which she tells the story of her family's experience with domestic violence. There were parallels to her true to life story of family secrets and my made up one. Not to mention both of us had grandmothers named Maria. While my novel does not address domestic violence, it does tackle secrecy, the reasons we withhold our truths, what it does to individuals and their relationships and the shame the secrets are enshrouded in, all subjects that  revolve around this bigger issue. I was intrigued.

Just a few days later I received an invitation from Liz Claiborne to attend the 8th Annual, It's Time To Talk, a national day of dialogue and awareness on domestic violence, sexual assault and teen dating abuse.

Mmm. There was that issue again, the one that until that week I had not been paying much attention to.

And then I discovered that the VP of Global Issues at Ruder Finn, the PR firm who coordinates this event was not only a former client from my corporate life but one who I held a great deal of respect for.

And that is how it happened that  last Thursday I sat in the NYC showroom headquarters of Liz Claiborne talking with a handful of the many impassioned women who work towards reversing this trend; Stephanie Piston of the LINA(love is not abuse) Coalition, a survivor who uses her story in an effort to educate our youth to the potential warning signs of a violent relationship as well as what a healthy relationship looks like; Alison Hall of PARR( Pittsburgh Action Against Rape), a recipient of the Gail-Burns Smith Award for being the driving force behind establishing the first Sex Offender Court in Pennsylvania;  Binta Vann-Joseph of the Verizon Foundation, who supports HopeLine which donates pre-paid phones to victims trying to reclaim their life and is now partnering with the NFL Players Association in a program called Training Camps for Life, where teens are educated as to what a healthy relationship looks like; and Karen Cheeks-Lomax, the executive director of My Sister's Place which works to end violence in intimate relationships and combat the effects of domestic violence and human trafficking on individuals throughout Westchester County and the surrounding areas. One of their initiatives is The Next Generation, designed to educate our youth and create a new paradigm of what respect and dignity is supposed to look like.

My head started to spin as I tried to get some clarity about what I was going to write, what I was supposed to write. There was so much to tell. So much that isn't being said. I wasn't sure I could do justice to it. But if I didn't write something  I would only contribute to the silence.

There it was. The silence. That is what I needed to address. No one wants to talk enough about this. The victims are reticent to come forth. There is shame and stigma attached, and that lingering thought that maybe they did something to cause it. The abusers harbor such low levels of self-respect they think there is no other way for them to gain power and control than to exercise it over someone else. We try and pretend this is not really the epidemic in our society it has become and we think if we don't talk about it the issue might disappear. Like eating doughnuts at night when no one is watching and thinking you will still lose weight.

But that is not how disease works. It needs a cure. In this case it needs conversation, like the ones that occurred last Thursday. It needs education. Victims need to know there are safe place for them to go. Our youth needs to be taught self-esteem, respect for themselves and others and what a healthy relationship looks like. We need to model healthy behavior in how we treat each other, publicly and in private. And that can't be done in silence.

While there is no doubt that women are more often the victims than men, this is a social issue, one that transcends gender, race and economic levels. Victims are as likely to be affluent as they are to be poor.  This is not something limited to third world countries but something that happens in this country as well.  And at its core is a lack of respect for how we treat each other.

Those of us who are neither victims or abusers take part in this issue. We perpetuate this lack of respect  by offering no role models or poor role models of what is an acceptable way to treat one another. We see it in our national leaders who have forgotten how to engage in honest discourse,  can barely have a conversation with each other, stretch the truth to fit their aim, publicly calling each other names, sending the message it  is okay to be disrespectful. In essence we are accomplices to the crime.

The rooms at Liz Claiborne last week were full of women engaged in healing this epidemic. I asked each of the women I spoke to what the ordinary citizen can do to help. And they all said the same thing. Take a stand against violence. Every day. It can be as simple as being a role model for our youth. Demonstrate self-respect by knowing and stating your boundaries. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Show respect for the person sitting next to you. Learn what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like and then model it. Get men involved in the process. Women can heal the world but we need men to help.  Make it clear that violence is never appropriate. 

How you modeling respectful behavior?

Want to get more involved? Donate time or money? Check out these websites!
Love is Not Abuse
My Sister's Place
Training Camps for Life
Pittsburgh Action Against Rape
Violence Unsilenced
The Maria Project
Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE or 1-800-787-3224