6 Reasons Asking Is Risky Business

Asking is not something that comes naturally to me. It wasn't how I was raised. I was raised to stand on my own two feet and to figure it out for myself - whatever "it" was. If you asked you were imposing on the other person. And that just wasn't a nice thing to do.

Which made learning to ask a client for the order that much harder for me when I first started selling.

I learned to get past my reluctance. I had to or my selling career would have been short lived. But it wasn't easy. And the dirty little secret is - I still have moments when asking - for help, for the order, even a question - is the last thing I want to do. 

But I do. Because I know if I don't I'll never know the answer and I'll never move from the spot I'm in.

That doesn't mean it's not risky. For example - 

1. I'm taking the chance I might not like the answer. I've lost track of how many times I have not asked a question because I didn't know if I wanted to hear the answer. 
2. I don't really want to hear a no. No is a tough word. No sounds so final. No. No. No. Yet the truth is a no is so much better than a maybe  - which is the answer you're getting when you don't ask. Maybe is limbo. It's nowhere land. With no at least you know where you stand.
3. I think I'm imposing. Old learning dies hard. I still sometimes think I'm infringing on someone else's space when I ask.
4. I risk being perceived as pushy. No one wants to be thought of as pushy - except of course the person who really is and doesn't care.
5. I think the person knows what I want already. I've made this mistake a thousand times - and whether it's been personally or professionally I've learned that no one can read my mind. If I don't ask I don't get.
6. I think asking is for the weak or ignorant. A strong person doesn't need help. A smart person already knows the answers. When the truth is it takes more courage to ask that not to and smart people get smarter by asking.


While I have learned how to ask - easily and with grace - there are moments when my stomach still does flips, my mouth still goes dry or my hand starts to shake before I make the call. But I do it. Because if I don't I'll just never know what would have happened if I did.



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Quit The Job. Move To Italy

Perhaps you've had this dream. Of packing it all up. Quitting the job. Selling the house. Moving someplace far, far away. Halfway To Each Other is a story of a couple who did just that.

The author, Susan Pohlman and her husband decided on a whim while vacationing in Italy to leave LA. Maybe not a total whim. Their marriage was uncertain. Something told them to take the kids and just do it. See if they could repair them. The plan was to stay a year.

It was a risky move. Her husband left his corporate job. No one seems to understand that especially when there are children involved. People thought they might be crazy. But doesn't everyone when you want to do something out of the ordinary.

This a memoir. Full of Susan's observations of how this leap of faith repaired their marriage and drew them closer as a family. For me besides the travelogue portion, and my own love of anything Italian, was the bold relief the landscape provided for how crazy we let our own lives get in this country. How much of that is in our ties to our corporate jobs and the lives we are told we should be wanting and living.

I found this book in one of those six degrees of separation scenarios. My friend Michael, who also used to work for me when I lived in DC thought I would enjoy it. Susan and her husband are old friends of his from Ohio. Turns out Susan's husband and I both worked at CBS for a few overlapping years.

If you've ever dreamed of having the courage of the Pohlman family or even if you are just a lover of Italy, this is an enjoyable read.

The Health Insurance Hindrance To Creating New Jobs

Health Insurance is one of the biggest reasons many don't take the risk and create their own dream job. It is a question I got from the minute I decided not to seek another job in Corporate America. What was I going to do about Health insurance? How was I going to afford that big expense without a major company subsidizing me?

I had my Cobra to delay that decision. But now with just a few days before that runs out I understand more those concerns. It's not enough to make me run back to an office of glass and steel. I'm still sticking to my plan. I found a decent policy with its requisite high deductible and high premiums. But it does make me wonder.

If something tangible was actually done in the next day or so at the Obama Health Summit. If the concept of compromise is demonstrated and real steps towards enacting health care reform were achieved. Something that would target the insurance companies and make health care more affordable and more accessible, just how many more people might create their own new jobs and take a leap toward their passion? And if that happened how many of those entrepreneurs might be successful enough that eventually they would hire more people to work for them, creating even more jobs? Could health care reform be its own brand of job stimulus?

If you were not concerned about Health Care, what sort of an entrepreneur might you be?