The Real Truth About Privacy

Back in the late seventies and early eighties I spent my summers sharing beach houses with friends in Avalon, New Jersey. They were lazy, crazy days filled with parties from happy hour to bar closings, excessive drinking, missed meals, and late night hook-ups hastened to the tune of Donna Summer singing "Last Dance."  

There was no Internet then, no cell phones, no text messaging or email. If you wanted to take a picture you needed a camera, not a smartphone. Making movies was reserved for filmmakers. If you were doing something you shouldn't be doing or with someone you shouldn't be with - it was alot easier to not get caught. 

Or so we wanted to believe. 

The truth is people got found out all the time. 

Your constitutional right to privacy meant nothing if that stolen kiss on the beach with the hot guy who was not your boyfriend was witnessed by your guy's best friend. And that joint you swore you didn't inhale? It was shared with someone who would be sure to give you away for the right price.

Which back then, prompted these words of advice from a slightly older and wiser friend.

"If you don't want to get caught - don't do it."

Mmm. So if I thought I might be embarrassed, mortified, ashamed, horrified, humiliated, appalled or any combination there of for something that has my name attached, I shouldn't worry about my privacy. Maybe - just maybe I should just think twice before doing it. 


Of course, today you don't have to be doing much to have your privacy breached. In the world of big data, what I order each time I visit  Starbucks is recorded for all posterity on my rewards App. I can't pretend I went to the gym three times this week because Equinox is tracking the proof. If I pin those cute jeans on Pinterest, thanks to remarketing (also known as stalking) those pants will haunt me until I buy them. Or disable the cookies. Facebook likes to say you get to pick your privacy settings, but really - who are they kidding? Someone at Facebook can surely see through whatever you blocked.

Unless you choose to live in the backwoods without an Internet connection or cell service or Duane Reade on the corner - real privacy in 2013 just does not exist.

I'm not sure it ever really has. But what I do know for sure is that when yours is comprised it spreads faster and quicker than any of us ever imagined back in those glory day summers, whiling away the afternoon in a sand chair admiring the hobie cats lined up on the beach. 

Which leads me back to that wise advice. If you're worried about who is listening in, what people will think if they find out your stuff or that you will get caught doing something you shouldn't be, like ordering one of those cinnamon chip scones made with real sugar, make a choice. 

Own it or just don't do it.

Drawing A Line

I am a big fan of technology. Not without its flaws I do believe it offers us more positive than not. For example yesterday  sitting with my financial planner, the fact that  he could pull up my portfolio in real time, something that we couldn't have done ten years ago is pretty cool.  Or the miracle that I can talk via Skype to my friend Jane in Australia and it not cost either of us a penny.  I can sit in my home office and write about whatever I choose and with the tap of the publish button allow whoever is so inclined  the access to read it. These are all good things.

But then there is the down side. The noise factor. The overload of information. The things that inspired my Tech Detox Diet last year. When is it too much?

Exactly where do we draw the lines about that which we want to make public?

I got to thinking about this as I was reading a recent post on Penelope Trunk's blog. I have followed her since I started blogging, not because I am necessarily a fan of her perspective on the workplace but because she has without a doubt carved a niche for herself. She has a very successful blog and a growing business as a result. I follow her to learn.

She does quite often, go off the topic of the workplace and focus on her personal life, her kids, her divorce, her new marriage. The post I read the other day disturbed me for a lot of reasons. But my point  here is not about the specifics of those circumstances. It is the question it raised for me.

In our 24/7 easy global access world where is the line between sharing an authentic voice and true transparency and  information that is better kept private?

As a writer and a blogger, I am well aware that the more honest and transparent my writing the more it resonates with my readers. I can tell in the comments I get and the emails I receive. But I do have a line. That I will not cross.  Just don't ask me to describe it, because it is more a gut feeling, common sense type of thing that I just know.

My question here is not just relegated to bloggers. Take a look at some of status updates people post on Facebook. If the FCC was monitoring they would be fined. Or your Twitter feed. It can be horrifying to see what parts of their lives people choose to make public for everyone and anyone to see anywhere.  And the thing is once posted this stuff never really goes away. It resides somewhere on some giant server, someplace.

Then there is the issue of cell phone use in public venues. I listened in on a conversation while waiting in line at Starbucks yesterday. I was not eavesdropping. The only way I could avoid listening would be to cover my ears. The woman was angry and animated. Apparently because the friend she was talking to and another woman had made what she considered disparaging comments concerning her therapy and her children. This she announced so all of us on line could hear was "private" and not "up for discussion".  This woman had drawn her line but what I found interesting is how crooked it appeared.  While waiting for my morning fix I learned she had one kid, was in therapy, the friend in question was named Jennifer and she was not particularly fond of how Jennifer and her husband were raising their own two children. She was interested in her privacy but not concerned with the dozen or so people waiting for lattes who had been given no choice but to hear these details of her life.

I'm glad I have my line even if I can't describe it to you. I will always strive to write in an authentic and transparent voice but there will always be parts of my life that will stay private. I'll continue to subscribe to Seth Godin's advice that we should live our life on line as though we are on Candid Camera.



Do you have a line you draw?
Where is it?
How public are you willing to make your private life in a world of social networks?

Privacy And The Cross Town Bus

When I was a kid  gas was  cheap and cars were still new enough that going for a "ride" with no where particular in mind was considered an afternoon out. A road trip vacation that piled  our family in the car for hours on end was exciting. Since there were no portable DVD players to keep kids occupied and I for one got nauseous if I tried to read, my brother and I  would invent road games. Sometimes it was as simple as counting license plates from different states.

I created a new version of a road game the other day sitting on the Crosstown bus on 57th Street. It's called counting how many people have their eyes glued and their hands locked around their cell phone.  Let's just say I ran out of fingers to keep track with.

The profile of the people engaged with their hand held was pretty interesting. It was as ethnically, chronologically and economically diverse as the city is with shopping bags ranging from Daffy's to Bergdorf's.  Apparently television can no longer reach the masses but hand held devices can.

I was distracted from my counting by the woman two seats behind me who made three phone calls between 8th Avenue and Madison. It was hard not to be. Her voice was loud enough that I now know her phone number, that she has not been feeling well for several days and thinks she should have a blood test. I also learned  the flight dates of an advertising campaign she was booking for a client. She probably didn't think anyone would understand  the business transaction she was engaging in but I recognize words like ratings, three stations combined and presenting sponsorships. That was my business for twenty five years.

In a world in which people are in an uproar when FaceBook changes its privacy policy it is fascinating that no one seems to care who hears their conversation when they are on the phone.  Or that they worry about that seldom spoken but very common phenomenon called six degrees of separation.

I found myself traveling in a time warp remembering the days when I too would be frantic to get business booked no matter where I was. Although I don't recall ever conducting it on a bus full of strangers in a loud voice. I was trained at an early pre cell phone age not to use last names in public and speak in a whisper, because you just never knew who might be listening in.

I amused myself trying to figure out whether the three stations she was talking about were radio or television and if I knew who she worked for but my stop came.

I stole a good look at her before I got off. It was met with disdain. Apparently she found me rude.