Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Letting Go

I recently got rid of the television in my bedroom. I had been looking at it for a long time wondering why I still kept it there. I know enough about energy and Feng Shui that bedrooms are for sleeping and sex and not for television. But still this small, old and cumbersome model sat in its corner on top of a high dresser.

I never watched it. I used to in the morning while I was getting ready before I headed downtown to the office, switching from Pat Kiernan to the Today Show to GMA. But my mornings are not so rushed anymore and if I watch the news shows, I'd rather on the flat screen in the living room.

Every month when I got my Time Warner bill and saw the $12.95 fee for the box I remembered I needed to do something about this. Not only was it sitting unused and taking up space  but what I was paying could be better spent on a manicure.

I don't know what made me finally unplug it and carry it to the trash room a few weeks ago. The last couple of years have been alot about letting go. And I suspect I was in one of my moods where I needed to let go of something concrete as a gesture to the Universe that I was making more room for the new.

When that happens I have to act right then and there which is why  the next thing I did was  get on the bus  and return the box to 96th Street instead of waiting for someone to pick it up.  I may procrastinate and think things through for a very long time before letting go but when I make the decision I do it immediately.

I thought it would be a clean and easy break between me and the television.  What I didn't anticipate was all the soot on the wall behind where it had lived all these years. I might not have been turning it on, but it had been collecting dirt in places that were not obvious to me.  Dark grey soot.

After getting over my horror that I had been sleeping with that much dust, I took a damp sponge to the wall. That only made the mess worse, not to mention made me second guess the whole idea of getting rid of it.

After trying an array of products and googling ways to clean up soot, it was a box of  Mr. Clean Magic Erasers that did the trick. Why they may not be considered 'green friendly' they are definitely magic!

I was thinking about this letting go thing this morning as I lay in bed looking at the spot.  Some days it looks a little empty, all that new space. As if something more than the books and orchid that now occupy it is needed. Today I was sure I could see one more streak that needed my magic eraser.

But then that is the thing about letting go. It's always hard even when you know it is the right thing to do. Even the anticipation of what new will take its place doesn't necessarily make you miss it any less. Whether it is a thing like my television, that bulky black and white turtle neck sweater I have not worn in five years but I still make room for in my closet every winter, a job or a relationship, it's never easy. Something always lingers behind. Sometimes a memory, sometimes a grey streak on the wall.

Do you have trouble letting go?
Is it as hard to let go of things as it is people?
Is there anything you are letting go of today to make room for more?

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