One Woman's Eye

What Your Email Habits May Be Saying About You

2012-02-01T05:30:00.000-05:00

I write a lot of emails. Every day. Sometimes they areto complete strangers I’d like to do business with. Sometimes they are topeople I know really well. Sometimes people I know not so well. Sometimes I amresponding to a reader of my blog or someone who wrote me a note just to sayhow much they loved my novel. Sometimes I am asking for something.

I’m not one to let my inbox pile up. It goes back to myearly days in sales when I was taught to act on a phone call or letterimmediately because it could mean money. It was a way to build relationships.My response time made the statement that I cared, enough to not let them wait.It was a chance to make an impression. Like the clothes you wear, the choicesyou make in hairstyle and eyeglasses, the way you shake someone’s hand when youmeet them for the first time, I was taught this was a window to my personalityand a barometer for whether they might want to do business with me.

We don’t have a lot of chances to make impressions intotoday’s virtual world. Email is one of those opportunities and yet so many throw it away. They use it carelessly, never considering the message they are sending is also one about who they are. Think about it.

We use texting symbols like u instead of spelling outthe whole word and forget that spell check does not know if you meant here orhear.
We ignore people we have never met as though they are something that gotcaught in the spam filter.
We ignore people we know because we are too busy todeal with them or their issue. We accidentally hit reply all when we onlywanted one person to receive our message.
We write like we speak, often off thecuff and without forethought, forgetting we are putting this in writing withoutany idea on whose desk it might ultimately land. Then we wonder how we got intoso much trouble.
We let it pile up until we really are too busy to get throughit all.
We lie and say we never got it, underestimating the sender who hasalready started to notice that you are the only one who never gets anythingthey send.
We wait just long enough to answer to imply to the sender they arereally not that important.

Before email, we relied on the telephone or perhaps aletter typed on real paper that was proofread for typos and put into anenvelope with a stamp on it. Of course now we worry about killing trees, and the telephone, well that is so yesterday. But making an impression is not.

How you respond to my email tell me about whoyou are and how you do business.

A high level executive for a major corporation whoemails me back the same day or even forwards my email to one of herlieutenants with a copy to me,tells me that person stays on top of their business and probably their life. Italso insinuates that they really care enough about their company to know that Imight have something worthwhile to share. I might be wanting them to buysomething from me, but I am also a potential customer for them.
The newly minted best-selling author whose talk Iattend and write a complimentary follow-up email who takes exactly one year toreply thank-you to me says scattered and thoughtless and makes me wonder whythey are even bothering now. They missed their opportunity to gain a repeatcustomer for their next book.(this is a true story!)
The friend who takes days to reply to my email, butthen harasses me with texts and phone calls when I don’t immediately respondto theirs implies self-importance.
There is the person who disappears in the middle of theemail thread. That’s like hanging up the phone on me in the middle of aconversation.

I could go on but, I have email to answer. Just remember whether this is business you or personal you, youremail habits are a statement of who you are. The question is, what impression do you want to leave?

Tomorrow: 9 Tips for Using Email

A Dose Of Agapi

2012-01-26T13:14:00.000-05:00

I am biased. No doubt. You'll find most Greeks are. There is an affinity we hold for each other. Meet someone and find out they too share your heritage and you are already friends. As a child it drove me crazy. My father would point out this person and that person who had achieved some notoriety and add with great pride, a wink and a smile, "You know, Joanne, he's Greek." As if no matter what they had to say, whether I agreed with their view or not, it didn't matter, because now we were bound.

I didn't understand it. I found it lacking in judgment. Shouldn't we know more about the person than just that their last name is equally difficult to pronounce much less spell for the average person? But now I get it. In these last months since I released my novel, I have reached out to Greeks as far and wide as Australia and have felt that bond and connection that I chastised my father about. As an adult, I too have fallen into his rhythm. I meet someone who I discover has genetic ties to Greece and I do as my friend Agapi would say, unbind my heart a little more easily.

I'm not sure the reason, because in all honesty, just being Greek is not enough to want to call someone your friend. But I do think there is something different for Greeks. Maybe it goes back to the long illustrious history, the philosophers and astronomers and great mathematicians of ancient Greece or my favorite, the Greek Gods and Goddesses. It is different to be Greek. A flavor that is more unique than just the combination of nuts and honey and cinnamon that create a baklava. It's a different brand of wisdom influenced by a culture that has stood the test of time.

Which brings me back to my friend Agapi Stassinopoulous. I met Agapi this past summer in San Diego at a conference I attended where Agapi spoke. I liked her immediately. Not just because she was Greek, although there is no doubt that was our immediate point of connection, but because it was obvious from how she spoke and her energy that this was a woman who lived authentically and joyously and with an open heart. I learned of her new book which would soon be published and was honored when she asked me to read a galley copy.

When you read another's writing, whether it is fiction, or in the case of Unbinding the Heart, A Dose of Greek Wisdom, Generosity and Unconditional Love, a memoir, you learn a lot about the person. You can tell authentic writing from pretending to be authentic. You can tell the difference from someone who walks from what they speak or who prefers to merely point you on the path they think you should travel.

Agapi in Greek means unconditional love, and that is what you will feel when you read this memoir. Her love for life, and for helping others jumps off the pages as she entertains and enlightens with her insight and subtle humor. Agapi is the real deal. She writes of living with an open heart and she demonstrates it, never negating how the world wants to make that difficult. Reading this memoir you will feel like she has invited you to sit with her awhile under the shade of an umbrella at one of those beautiful outdoor cafes in Santorini, nibbling on fresh feta and tomatoes, sipping a glass of wine, with that magical blue of the Aegean as a backdrop for the stories she shares of her journey thus far.

So yes, if this sounds biased it is. But my bias is supported by this captivating read. Unbinding The Heart, A Dose of Greek Wisdom, Generosity and Love, is now available for sale. I encourage you to pick up a copy. You will not be disappointed.

Why I Hate Goal Writing

2012-01-19T22:00:00.000-05:00

I hate goals.

There I said it. January is almost over and the airwaves, newspapers, magazines and blogs have been flooded with conversation about setting this goal or that goal. Every time I hear the word I cringe. It's not that I don't like or believe in the practice of getting clear on what you want to create and setting time frames. I do. I advocate it. I've written about it many times. It's the word goal I detest. Which is why I avoid it.

I hear goal and I think of a football field or a soccer game in which all sights are set on one ball making it across a goal post. At any and all costs. With a clock ticking. It's a win or lose proposition. You either get there or you don't, in a specified period of time. And if you don't, you've suffered defeat.

While that may work this Sunday when the Giants play the 49ers, it does not sound very appealing when planning what you want to accomplish or what you want to change in your life. In fact I think it sets most of us up for failure. Life, while it may be a game of sorts, is not as clear cut in rules as a NFC playoff game. Things happen along the way. Often you get to where you want to go by veering outside of the safety zone. And trust me, if you think there is only one way or one set of rules to get you to your heart's desire, chances are you won't.

I'm not sure why the word goal is so overused but I suspect it has everything to do with a business model steeped in the patriarchy. Until the last few decades it was run by and for men. And guys like to talk about sports. Endlessly. And in great detail. They are comfortable with the word goal. If I were coaching a man and asked him to write his Top Ten Desire List for me in all likelihood his thought process would shoot right to the bedroom which would take him off focus. Men don't create well when they are off focus.

As a woman the word goal just doesn't work for me. My preference when planning what I want to create in my life is to use the words desire and intention. Call it semantics, but those words conjure up a space in which I can envision and set the steps I will need to take to manifest what I want.

For example I have two lists I keep side by side for 2012. One is my Top Ten Desires and the other is my 101 Intentions. Don't ask me why 101. It is a number that just sounded right to me last year and I am sticking with it in the new year.

The Top Ten Desire list combines aspects of my personal and professional life, because really, how do we draw the line between the two anymore? This list forces me to really think and get creative about what I would like to manifest in the coming year, with no restrictions applied and without a timeline. And with the belief that all the stars will align so it is all indeed possible.

The 101 Intentions List is where I get more specific. This includes my intention to take specific steps towards those desires. It might even include a timeline or time frame within which I want to do this.

For instance on the Top Ten list one of those items is publishing my second novel. On my intention list I am more specific. I intend to make this happen by summer. Another item on my intention list is to have it in my editor's hands by mid- January. I'm ahead of schedule on that one. Based on my conversation with her last week, she will have her critique back to me in 8, maybe 10 weeks. Which can keep me right on schedule. But if it is 10 weeks and needs a lot of work, I may or may not be able to have it up for sale by July 4.

By using the word intention I have allowed myself flexibility, opened a space that will still create what I want, but will not set me back with disappointment and feelings of failure if the dates don't match. Which I have found is what happens for most of us. If we don't get that ball across the end zone in the specified amount of time, playing by someone else's rules, we deem ourselves a loser. On the football field it makes sense. But in life and in business, especially entrepreneurial business, I think not.

Intentions are not hard and fast like goals. But they still work toward a desired outcome. Usually more pleasurably and with less made up stress to beat the clock.

Try it. If you've put off writing your goals this year and you haven't been able to figure out what is stopping you, get out a fresh piece of paper, make a cup of tea, find a quiet space and try calling them desires. And then follow up with a list of intentions that are more specific. Then let me know what happens. And save the goals for Sunday's game.

The Toll Booth On The Information Highway

2012-01-18T09:22:00.000-05:00

Change will always occur, whether we want it to or not. Sometimes it is for the betterment of the world and other times we question it. We seek it in our lives, for we know without change things can get boring. Change is borne of desire for something different and so is what keeps us alive.

Yet so many of us avoid change. We hold on to what is, convinced the devil we know is better than the devil we don't. Or we worry that the change will affect our little acre of land in this world. So we resist it, holding on tight until our knuckles turn white trying to stop it.

Right now there is legislation in Washington trying to pull the reins in on change. It is funded by those who fear they have the most to lose. Financially. It has been written by those who don't fully understand the infrastructure much less the implications of what they are trying to control. What they do understand is the Internet is basically free. And while we say we are the "land of the free" we prefer to figure out ways to charge everyone for everything. Ironically, it is one of the few pieces of legislation that has bi-partisan support.

The interesting thing is the same people trying to curtail the change are the ones who dismissed it early on. They thought things like the Internet and the free exchange of information were a passing fad that would have no effect on their brick and mortar establishments. Turns out they were wrong and now they want to try and stop it. Without really understanding what they are doing.

Should there be rules of the Internet highway? Of course. But don't try to push through ones like SOPA and PIPA whose primary interest is to erect a toll booth on what was a freeway.

I'd like to send you to other websites for more information on what is going on. But according to the pending legislation I may no longer be able to do that. Parts of these laws would curtail bloggers like myself from linking to anything without express permission and in fact possibly shut me down if I linked to something, somewhere that was not in full compliance with the new rules. Their justification? That someone, somewhere is not getting their nickels worth of royalty on possibly copyrighted material.

So to give you a taste of what that world might be like, I'll leave you to fend for yourselves if you are interested in more details. Turn on the TV. Buy a newspaper. Spend some more money. Imagine a world without Google.

I Had A Dream

2012-01-16T10:52:00.000-05:00

I had a dream that one day I would no longer work for someone else. In that dream I imagined being more generous and benevolent to myself when it came to things like taking days off. I imagined that I would be able to shut off my work brain in much the same manner I had learned to do when I had my corporate job, letting it rest just long enough to refresh itself before the wheels started turning again.

Turns out that part of my dream isn't so true. The wheels never stop, government holiday or not.

They don't necessarily take a break on the weekends either. In fact, it is not that rare an event where I get my best work done on a Sunday. This is not to say I now work 24/7. I don't. But I will own up to the fact that it is often a Tuesday or Thursday when I get the least amount of work done. It's just what happens when you work independently.

Some days you are up before the sun and others find yourself in your pajamas at noon. Some days you are planning and in my case always writing....sometimes at 11PM, and others you are hard pressed to check two things off your to-do list. Somedays it is back to life before you left the corporate world like tomorrow, when I have a networking lunch that will involve wearing stockings and heels. It's just what happens when you are your own boss. It's something you learn to relax into but always struggle with. Especially if like me you spent A LOT of years working for "the man."

I had plans to be generous to me and to sleep in today. Mostly because for some reason that I will not even try to explain, I was up before the sun on Saturday and Sunday and consequently had a very productive weekend. But the jackhammers on the construction site next door to my building had other ideas. They started working at 7AM as they have been for months. Apparently, whatever union they work for doesn't know that Martin Luther King's Birthday is now a federal holiday. Or perhaps they are just happy to be getting time and a half.

I have learned that the dream as Martin Luther King so eloquently demonstrated is the vision. What manifests doesn't always necessarily look exactly as the picture you had in mind, and that is okay. It's a first step. The key is to keep dreaming and to keep dreaming big.

As for me, I have decided to work until Noon today and then play this afternoon, or what I like to think of as the best of both worlds.

I've Got A Feeling

2012-01-04T11:48:00.000-05:00

This may not be a particularly popular viewpoint or very trendy, but I have a good feeling about 2012. I think it is going to be an exceptional year.

I realize the prevailing thought patterns like to believe otherwise. Our culture seems to prefer to obsess over all that is not right with the world. The media is convinced we respond better to bad news than good. and so inundate us with headlines designed to make us tune in, turn on, and click through by boasting how bad things are and how much worse they will get. They feed on our obsessions, sometimes forcing us to pay attention to what we don't want to. We have 24/7 News that repeats the same handful of sad stories while ignoring the multitudes of good that never get reported. And because we do watch and listen and read on-line and off-line what they serve up, we get more of it.

I am as guilty as the next person when it comes to wanting to know the details behind that doomsday promotional tease. But I find more and more, especially when I follow the story through to the end, it has little substance. Or it gives me no new news or insight. It lacks adequate factual research. Plus it makes me feel bad. And rather helpless.

And I am not helpless, nor are any of us. I have a good feeling about 2012 because I know I can make a difference, I can create my own change in my little corner of the world. I can have a positive effect on the direction things are going. It doesn't have to be launching a new campaign to end world hunger or writing another book, although it can be. It can also be as simple as behavioral changes.

Like making an effort to say please and thank-you more often. Telling someone you love them on a day that isn't Valentine's Day. Smiling at a stranger. Saying I'm sorry when you bump me not once, not twice but three times in an aisle at Whole Foods. Not supporting a product or media outlet whose approach you find offensive. Supporting the ones whose direction you like. Voting. Look for the good in the world. Yes, there is good to be found. Believing you can change the world.

I'm immersed in the Steve Jobs biography at the moment. One of the things Walter Isaacson constantly refer to is what was termed Jobs "reality distortion field." When Steve was looking through that lens people didn't know what to do. They didn't have the ability to see as he did. They saw what they thought was reality which was usually synonymous with "that's impossible". But Jobs saw what he would make his reality or what I like to call the "why not?" option.

So that is how I am going to approach this year. At times you may think I am living in my own "reality distortion field." And I may be. But the only way to change what is, is by seeing what can be and then taking those steps to make the "distortion" real.

Change in your own world will have an effect on the larger world. As long as you believe.

What are you feeling about 2012?
What changes do you want to make?

Ready to make some big changes? Stay tuned for details on what I have up my sleeve to help coach you to change in 2012. And if you are not already signed up to receive my newsletter or blog, do so now!

Put A Big Red Ribbon Around The Year...Or Not

2011-12-29T17:00:00.000-05:00

I’ve always been one who likes to put things in boxes. Seal them up with a ribbon and put them on a shelf. From projects to relationships that have run their course. My friend Moon refers to it as cleaning things up. Others call it closure or ending cycle. So as the last days of 2011 are upon us that is what I am drawn to do with this year. Put it in a box, tie a big red ribbon around it and because I am that organized, label it. 2011: Evolving.

That was the word I chose back in January. It was what I wanted this year to be about. Evolving. And that has held true. I evolved from writer to published author. I learned how to take a manuscript to book form, both electronically and in print. In that process I rediscovered the parts of my corporate career I still enjoyed, like selling and marketing. I could still experience the thrill of looking for markets that might buy what I have to peddle and the rush when the right ones are linked. I evolved enough to be able to go back and take a look inside the box I had been refusing to, the one labeled corporate life and see what was inside I still could use. I discovered there were still aspects of that I had not lost my passion for and I was good at.

I realized that in addition to being a writer and a business coach, I am a connector of people, and a wealth of information. I am an agent of change who loves to share what she knows and help others to create their own change. I evolved to a new version of myself, hopefully combining the best of what was with what has changed.

Some of you may have known all this already. Some of you may have been on to my shift for a while. But part of my evolution in 2011, was me owning it.

So the question, with just a few days left of the year of evolving becomes, do I pack it all away in a box, tie another ribbon and shelve this year as I have done so many times before ?

I think not.

I think it is time to evolve my thought process on that as well. Instead I will sort through the events and the lessons, the ups and the downs, the successes and the blips of 2011 and decide what needs to be put in the shredder, what needs to be saved and what I take with me moving forward.

Among the many lessons I have learned this year is that while we can bring closure and “clean things up” on chapters of our lives, those boxes that house those scenes can never be completely sealed shut. They hold lessons that we need to remember and parts of us that we will build upon moving forward. Even information we can use again on another day in another year. Or people we might at some point want to or need to invite back in.

Perhaps the thing is not to put a ribbon on the year and store it away but to organize the box that is 2011.
Ask ourselves questions.
What did you learn?
What will you take moving forward?
What parts are you letting go of freely and completely?
Did the year live up to your word?
And what will your new word be for 2012?

I have a preference for verbs here. Mostly because they imply action. And as a change catalyst I know words are not enough without steps. My word for 2012 is being seen, which technically is two words. But perhaps that is what I have evolved to. Perhaps one word is just not enough anymore.

Happy New Year!

What is your word for 2012? Is one enough?

Plans. Big Plans. A Sneak Preview

2011-12-19T18:40:00.000-05:00

It’s that time in December, midway through the month and close enough to New Year's, when I start to reflect back over the year.

At first glance 2011 is one big blur. But then, that is why I take the time to do this. So I can get into focus, remember, acknowledge and hopefully get some idea of where I want to go next.

My big mark in 2011, by far, was publishing my novel. As a writer, I am an observer. You can't write very well when you are not taking notice of the world around you and people's reactions to it. And so I've watched the responses to my achievement. I've listened to questions which range from Are the characters in The Secret They Kept true? to How did you do that?

My answer to the first question is no. The characters are fictional and yes I grew up Greek but no one character is anybody I ever knew. The second question has proven much harder. My response is I just did, like I've done everything else in my life from leaving teaching in 1983 to take that first radio sales job to baking Greek sweet bread for Christmas. I’m organized, driven, and really good at self-imposing deadlines and sticking to it. I like research and discovery and figuring out parts of the puzzle. I have a vast network of resources and connections that I have curated over time. I read and can follow directions and make up the parts that don't make sense. And I’m really good at figuring out how to maintain my sense of humor and thus insert some fun into the process, even at the most stressful of times. And when someone says no, I say why not?

I assume that's what everyone does.

But of course that is not true. That's why people stand in awe that I published my story in much the same way they do when they recognize that three years after forsaking that supposedly "safe, secure corporate world" I am not rummaging through the trash looking for recyclables to turn into cash. That's why I hear over and over again how inspiring I am. That's why it took until now for me finally to get it.

Which brings me to a sneak preview of my plans. Big plans. On my docket for 2012.

Yes, yes there will be another novel. But that's not all.

I want to share my knowledge, experiences and wisdom with more of you. I want to show you how the skills and perspective I learned selling and working with large and small businesses will help you whether you are a start-up greeting card company, ready to publish your own work or plotting your next career move within your current industry. I want to inspire, guide you, connect you and give you direct access to the wealth of information I hold.
So I will be opening 12 new slots for coaching, of which at least one will be a group opportunity.
12 slots. 12-week programs. In 2012.

According to the Mayan calendar this is a big year that will bring planetary changes. Are you ready to create yours? Because if you are I want to help!

More details will be forthcoming. So stay tuned. And if you are not already signed up for my newsletter, click here to do so now!

And one more thing....don't forget that books make great gifts!

Birthdays and Smiles

2011-12-18T09:31:00.000-05:00

Today would have been my father's 90th birthday. And as I write this I am thinking of him and smiling. Because that is what my father would have wanted. He liked to make people laugh. Frowns were not allowed in his presence and if you dared to offer one, he would do his best to figure out a way to make it go away.

Yet even as I smile, it is hard to fight off the tears. One would think 25 years after someone has died the tears would have run out. There would be no more to cry. But there always seems to be one more, hidden away, just waiting for it's moment to appear.

His birthday is hardly the only time I think of him. He intersects my thoughts at some point, if only for a minute, every day. And while his physical form has passed, I still feel his presence.

Like last week when I was putting the lights on the tree. I tested the two sets and they both worked. Yet somehow, once up, only one was working. My mother gave me an extra set she had, which I added on, never taking down the broken one. And suddenly, as if by a miracle, when all three were in place, that middle set started working. I felt him right then and there, his big smile, hearty laugh and mischievous nature, letting me know he didn't think there were enough lights to start out with and this was his way of interceding.

I wonder sometimes what he would look like now, if he had been given the gift my mother has, of getting to live a long and healthy life. Would he have kept his sense of humor through it all or would he have become a curmudgeonly old man watching Fox News all day and getting angry? Would he be proud I have become a writer and published author or would he have fallen into that camp of people who think I am crazy to try something new at this point in my life?

The world has changed so much since he left it. And as people we change too. But the one thing I am sure he never would have forsaken was his big smile, his hearty laugh, and the way he would fill a room with his energy when he walked in.

Dad in 1964 with the only two things he loved more than his family, cigarettes and a beer.
I'm not sure where he was, but being the Brooklyn boy he was,
I'll guess Coney Island or Sheepshead Bay.

Books Make Great Gifts

2011-12-16T06:30:00.000-05:00

'Twas the week before Christmas and the last thing you feel like doing is shopping for gifts. So here is my list of suggestions that in most cases with free shipping and expedited delivery you can order from the comfort of your home while sipping a glass of wine, baking cookies and watching your favorite holiday movie classic. (note: these gifts also work if your holiday season is Hanukkah or Kwanzaa)

You'll notice that they are all books. Yes, books make great gifts. You can give the good old fashioned kind printed on paper or gift an e-version to the person in your life who reads electronically. Note that the option for e-gifting on Amazon works for iPad readers as well that have a Kindle app. You'll also notice that this is not as self-serving as it might seem. Yes, I suggest The Secrets They Kept for the fiction lover in your life, but I also have others to share. I really do believe books make great gifts. These are a few of my favorites, all of which I am proud to say have a spot on my bookshelf.

Shoe Are You
for the shoe lover
This delightful book, complete with illustration, is the first of its kind, offering advice for your life, your wardrobe and career -- all based on your footwear. If you are a stiletto girl, ballet flat girl, cowboy boot girl or even a barefoot girl, you will find out what your shoes say about you. Written by shoe expert and TV personality Meghan Cleary.

Using the Power of Pleasure To Have Your Way in the World
for the woman who is looking for more pleasure, every day, every where
Relationship expert Regena Thomashauer teaches the "womanly arts" of identifying your desires, having fun no matter where you are, owning sensual pleasure, befriending your inner bitch, and flirting. It's no secret that this book changed my life.

No Excuses: 9 Ways Women Can Change How We Think About Power
for the woman who wants to know not just how to make change, but why it is needed
More on women and power, this time from feminist icon Gloria Feldt. What I love about this is not just the very useful tools she shares but the historical perspective and anecdotes that point to the elephant in the room that too many pretend doesn't exist anymore, that as far as we have come, inequality for women still exists.

Secrets of Six-Figure Women
for the woman who is looking to create a new world order around her finances
Yes, I seem a bit obsessed with secrets. I also have a bit of an obsession for the wisdom of financial expert Barbara Stanny. This is is just one of her many books in which she helps women develop a better relationship with their money. This one gives you the skinny on what the high earning women she interviewed know that you don't.

The Secret Pleasures of Menopause
for the woman who is near or at "that age" and is looking for the rainbow
There is that secret thing again, not to mention pleasure. Mmm. Is there a theme here? I digress. I realize that for some of you the idea that menopause might bring anything more than hot flashes seems like a very cruel joke. But joke it is not. Dr. Christiane Northrup will show you that this can indeed be the best time of your life. Also by the enlightened and brilliant Dr. Northrup, Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom, and The Wisdom of Menopause.

Testing for Kindergarten
for the mother of young children in your life
First, let's set the record straight. This is not just a book that will help you get your child into private school. Karen Quinn has written a primer that every parent should read on how to make learning fun for your kids. And when learning is fun, those school applications, from kindergarten to college will be a lot easier to take.

The Secrets They Kept
for the fiction lover looking to discover new writing voices
Can you blame me for inserting one more self-serving plug here before I wrap this up? This engaging story about the long kept secrets of a Greek-American family has been called "a true page turner", "an excellent debut novel", "a telling lesson in honesty, or how the lack of it can disrupt our entire lives", " a roller coaster ride of intrigue" and a story in which "Women-strong women- take center stage....distinguishing it from your run of mill novel."

In closing and in full disclosure I have the distinct honor and yes, pleasure of knowing each of these authors on a first name basis. Each has contributed to my personal journey over the last several years. Their wisdom has added to my wisdom. And that is the greatest gift of all.

What's your favorite book to give as a gift?

The Silent Epidemic

2011-12-15T17:14:00.000-05:00

The Dali Lama has said that it is Western women who will heal the world. Judging from the group of women I had the good fortune to meet and talk with last week, he is on to something.

My reason for being there was a bit circuitous. It started several weeks prior when I met Marcella Goheen and heard her tell her story of The Maria Project, a solo theatre performance in which she tells the story of her family's experience with domestic violence. There were parallels to her true to life story of family secrets and my made up one. Not to mention both of us had grandmothers named Maria. While my novel does not address domestic violence, it does tackle secrecy, the reasons we withhold our truths, what it does to individuals and their relationships and the shame the secrets are enshrouded in, all subjects that revolve around this bigger issue. I was intrigued.

Just a few days later I received an invitation from Liz Claiborne to attend the 8th Annual, It's Time To Talk, a national day of dialogue and awareness on domestic violence, sexual assault and teen dating abuse.

Mmm. There was that issue again, the one that until that week I had not been paying much attention to.

And then I discovered that the VP of Global Issues at Ruder Finn, the PR firm who coordinates this event was not only a former client from my corporate life but one who I held a great deal of respect for.

And that is how it happened that last Thursday I sat in the NYC showroom headquarters of Liz Claiborne talking with a handful of the many impassioned women who work towards reversing this trend; Stephanie Piston of the LINA(love is not abuse) Coalition, a survivor who uses her story in an effort to educate our youth to the potential warning signs of a violent relationship as well as what a healthy relationship looks like; Alison Hall of PARR( Pittsburgh Action Against Rape), a recipient of the Gail-Burns Smith Award for being the driving force behind establishing the first Sex Offender Court in Pennsylvania; Binta Vann-Joseph of the Verizon Foundation, who supports HopeLine which donates pre-paid phones to victims trying to reclaim their life and is now partnering with the NFL Players Association in a program called Training Camps for Life, where teens are educated as to what a healthy relationship looks like; and Karen Cheeks-Lomax, the executive director of My Sister's Place which works to end violence in intimate relationships and combat the effects of domestic violence and human trafficking on individuals throughout Westchester County and the surrounding areas. One of their initiatives is The Next Generation, designed to educate our youth and create a new paradigm of what respect and dignity is supposed to look like.

My head started to spin as I tried to get some clarity about what I was going to write, what I was supposed to write. There was so much to tell. So much that isn't being said. I wasn't sure I could do justice to it. But if I didn't write something I would only contribute to the silence.

There it was. The silence. That is what I needed to address. No one wants to talk enough about this. The victims are reticent to come forth. There is shame and stigma attached, and that lingering thought that maybe they did something to cause it. The abusers harbor such low levels of self-respect they think there is no other way for them to gain power and control than to exercise it over someone else. We try and pretend this is not really the epidemic in our society it has become and we think if we don't talk about it the issue might disappear. Like eating doughnuts at night when no one is watching and thinking you will still lose weight.

But that is not how disease works. It needs a cure. In this case it needs conversation, like the ones that occurred last Thursday. It needs education. Victims need to know there are safe place for them to go. Our youth needs to be taught self-esteem, respect for themselves and others and what a healthy relationship looks like. We need to model healthy behavior in how we treat each other, publicly and in private. And that can't be done in silence.

While there is no doubt that women are more often the victims than men, this is a social issue, one that transcends gender, race and economic levels. Victims are as likely to be affluent as they are to be poor. This is not something limited to third world countries but something that happens in this country as well. And at its core is a lack of respect for how we treat each other.

Those of us who are neither victims or abusers take part in this issue. We perpetuate this lack of respect by offering no role models or poor role models of what is an acceptable way to treat one another. We see it in our national leaders who have forgotten how to engage in honest discourse, can barely have a conversation with each other, stretch the truth to fit their aim, publicly calling each other names, sending the message it is okay to be disrespectful. In essence we are accomplices to the crime.

The rooms at Liz Claiborne last week were full of women engaged in healing this epidemic. I asked each of the women I spoke to what the ordinary citizen can do to help. And they all said the same thing. Take a stand against violence. Every day. It can be as simple as being a role model for our youth. Demonstrate self-respect by knowing and stating your boundaries. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Show respect for the person sitting next to you. Learn what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like and then model it. Get men involved in the process. Women can heal the world but we need men to help. Make it clear that violence is never appropriate.

How you modeling respectful behavior?

Want to get more involved? Donate time or money? Check out these websites!
Love is Not Abuse
My Sister's Place
Training Camps for Life
Pittsburgh Action Against Rape
Violence Unsilenced
The Maria Project
Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE or 1-800-787-3224

The Elixir of Youth

2011-12-12T18:12:00.002-05:00

I'm over at Endless Beauty today, writing about the elixir of youth according to moi.

Here's a little preview....

The search for the great elixir of youth runs rampant. And the older you get the more desperate it seems people are in their quest to find it. Face creams professing to erase wrinkles, vitamins promising to restore the vitality of youth, serums that just might reverse the aging process. Lasers for every body part including those designed for vaginal rejuvenation. And for those who think this pursuit is a female obsession, think again and think Viagra.

But the one elixir that doesn’t get talked about so much, the one that goes overlooked by so many and yet is so very easy to get your hands on is ......

To keep on reading click here...

All I Want For Christmas

2011-12-08T07:00:00.000-05:00

Okay, so maybe this isn't all I want for Christmas. My list is long and among other things includes falling in love again and Oprah reading and recommending my book. But high on Santa's list are reviews for The Secrets They Kept. Lots of them. Preferably with 4 or more stars. On Amazon although Barnes and Noble and Goodreads work well. But Amazon is definitely the first stop.

As an Indie author I am hot in pursuit of reviews from Santa or anyone else interested in reading and reviewing my work.

I know it may not sound like it means a lot, but Indie authors are like small businesses, without large marketing budgets and reliant on word of mouth advertising and recommendations. Which in today's world of social media and algorithms that I won't pretend to fully understand, the more often someone takes the time to write and post a few words about how much they enjoyed my novel the greater my chances are of someone who didn't know about the book finding out. And for the record, this is true of any of your favorite writers or artists you want to do well. You can consider a review an act of kindness contributing to supporting small business everywhere.

If you want clarity on how to do this and more on how it all works I suggest you check out Anne R. Allen's terrific post, A Reader's Guide to Amazon Reviewing.

And if you read my book and told me you liked it, it made you cry, you loved my characters, or whatever else moved you about the story and you want to help see an Indie author like me rise to an Amazon pick, write a review. Or you can buy a copy for a friend. They make great holiday gifts. You can even gift a Kindle edition!

What's on your wish list this holiday season?

The Secrets They Kept is now available for sale on:
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
iTunes

What Good Salespeople Know.....

2011-12-06T06:18:00.000-05:00

Jane Friedman was one of the first people I discovered in the blogosphere when I started blogging over three years ago. Her blog had a different name at the time and was housed over at Writer's Digest. Over the years her following has grown for very simple reasons. She has incredible insight and knowledge of the marketplace and consistently delivers good content. She is what I consider, a daily must read. Which is why it is such an honor for me to be guest blogging there today!

My topic: What Good Salespeople Know That Writers Should.

Click here to read what I have to say. Writer or not, everyone looking to earn a living can benefit from what good salespeople already know.

I Really Am An Author !

2011-12-01T12:23:00.001-05:00

I am really an author! I realize that for those of you who follow this blog regularly you are already bored because you know that. I have written about my journey. You have seen my book for sale on Amazon or Barnes and Noble, perhaps even bought it. But you see the person that doesn't always get it is me. And lately that has been more true than not.

I can't quite pinpoint the reason for not feeling it. Perhaps it has something to what my friend Agapi Stassinopoulos discussed in her blog today, comparing oneself to others instead of focusing on yourself. I have been so consumed with seeking out reviewers, pitching different publications to write about me or my book and wondering why it seems so easy for others, that the fact I am an author has gotten a bit lost on me.

And then there was the day after Thanksgiving when I decided I had already I had enough of the holiday season. With December 1 looming ahead, my already congested head was trying to make sense of the year about to close. Just what exactly had I accomplished? I avoided taking out that list of 101 intentions I had trumpeted here last January for fear there was too little to check off.

Yes, I know you are thinking....WTF*#!!* is she talking about it? She published a novel. She found a fabulous editor, a talented cover designer and a genius interior designer. She learned about KDP, Smashwords and Create Space and hit the publish button. She IS an author AND a publisher. That's a lot to check off!

But you see, I still wasn't feeling it.
Until last night when I drove to Denville, New Jersey to attend my first book club event.

As I navigated roads of the Garden State I don't usually travel, I felt a small panic unleash. I had never done this before. Just what exactly was I going to say? What if the thirteen women who had read my book, of which I only knew one, had no questions for me? What if they hated it? Why did I say I would do this? Oh, yes, my old college buddy Sandy had been so excited when the book came out, she had purchased 13 copies and given them to her book club and asked me if I would attend their next event. I had been so moved that I said yes, of course I would.

The panic quelled when I remembered I used to sell radio and television commercials. I never met a question I couldn't come up with an answer to. I had been trained to think on my feet. Besides, my fear was better left for how I would ever find my way back to Manhattan in the dark.

And then a funny thing happened. I sat down in the circle of chairs that had been set up in the kind of family room with a fireplace that is not to be found on the Upper West Side and I got my first question. Don't ask me what it was. My memory span doesn't last that long, but I know I answered it easily. As I did the next and the next. And in that room with this group of bright, engaged and might I add well prepared with their questions women, I got it. I really was an author. This is what authors do when not begging for publicity. They interact with their readers, the ones most important to the process. The people they are writing for. They learn things about their story they didn't even know was in there. They get excited when someone tells them their book made them cry and they never cry. They feel joy when they are told their readers loved the characters they created. They know they have done their job when they are told the family dynamics transcend ethnicity, in essence, you don't have to be Greek to like the book.

I remembered I really was an author and this time I felt it.

In Gratitude

2011-11-23T05:30:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!!

This word cloud is a sampler platter of what

I am most grateful for this Thanksgiving.

What are you grateful for this year?

Artwork by moi with a handy new tool I discovered called Wordle.

I am grateful for the geniuses there!

My Monday Morning Aha

2011-11-21T13:02:00.001-05:00

This is what happens when you go for it. There are periods of intense work. When you feel like you are accomplishing so much, there is just not enough time in the day to get it all done.

Then you stop to stand still because of course you must take a break. Everyone needs a break. I advocate taking a break. But when you try to get going again, it seems you have forgotten where exactly that gas pedal is. You look at your to-do list for the week and it looks remarkably similar to your to-do list for the week before and the one before that. Nothing is getting crossed off. And suddenly you forget all the progress you have made and think that maybe you have accomplished nothing. And you start to sweat. Because of course it is almost December. This year is almost over.

That is where I was this morning. With two feet stuck in wet cement, worrying that if I didn't pull myself out quickly I would be forever stuck in hardened concrete.

So I forced myself to get to it. I sat at my desk staring at my big shiny iMac, unable to type a word because I had decided I had nothing left to say. I checked Facebook. I rearranged the papers and the folders. I checked Facebook again. I wiped away the dust and discovered my egg timer. That magical little inexpensive time management tool I boast about using. And there it was. My Monday morning aha moment.

I hadn't been using that timer.

It was that simple to get unstuck. Make my list. And time each item. Even if I didn't get to cross it off the list, I could check off my progress. The feeling of accomplishment allows for that sense of progress made and for me breeds more accomplishment. All for the price of an egg-timer.

My First Birthday Published

2011-11-18T00:01:00.000-05:00

It was around the time this picture was taken I wrote myfirst story. It was published in the school paper, The Castlewood Times. Itwasn’t very long, a few sentences strung together but I was quite proud of myaccomplishment.

The little girl in that picture looked at the world withfresh eyes, wanting to know everything about everything, anxious to discover andbursting at the seams with anticipation. She believed there would come a daywhen she would know everything there was to know. There would be nothing leftto learn. She would be that wise. No one told her that wasn’t going to happen.And even if they had, she wouldn’t have believed them.

There are times in our lives when we stagnate, as though wehave reached the pinnacle my little girl self thought she would attain. Then wetry something new, stretch out of our comfort zone and we are in awe of how youngand alive we feel again. And though we may look in the mirror and not see ouryounger self, that aura surrounds our being.

That about sums up how I feel on my first birthday as apublished author.

My learning curve has been steeper than steep these lastmonths as I dove head first into the world of self-publishing. Every day hasserved up something new.

So far I have learned:

A review or personal note from someone who liked your story,loved your characters and thinks you are a talented writer can set one floatingon air for the rest of the day.
Readers discover aspects of your storytelling that willsurprise you.
People find it very inspiring when you actually do what youhave said you were going to do.
Some people want you to fail and will continue to point outall the ways success, as an independent author is more difficult than if youwere published by a legacy house.
More people want you to succeed.
Walking the walk of creating change instead of just talking about it makes me a better coach for my clients.
I really like being interviewed on the radio!
Traditional publishing is trying desperately to hold on toits “elitist” attitude. It trickles down to unexpected places likenon-corporate blogs that won’t review your book because it is “too hard to vetself-published books.”
Everyone is quick to point out all the not great indie stuff being put out into the world, but not soquick to point out all the not greattraditional stuff sitting next to it.
People on the “inside” of the traditional world know verylittle about what is happening in the world of self-publishing. I attended oneevent where a panelist from inside this bubble announced with 100% certaintythat if you published on Kindle you gave them your rights and couldn’t publishanywhere else. (Note: This is SO NOT true.)
People adore their Kindles but they are still buying printcopies too.
Having a sales and marketing background makes this much easier to navigate.
Staring at my revenue data trying to wish a higher numberreminds me of my ad sales day. (Note: this practice does not sell more books)
Amazon and Barnes and Noble reviews, Tweets, Facebook recommendations,PR pitches, and connections do.
That just about everyone says they always wanted to write abook and want to know how I did it. (Hint: First thing is you have to write, every day.)
That help and support comes from unexpected places.

Do I feel differently, onthis, my first birthday officially published?

Yes. Remarkably younger, yet as accomplished as I did that day The Castlewood Times published my story. Maybe even a tad more.

And please, no gifts...okay if you must, then buy a book, or two or three. They make great holiday gifts for your friends and co-workers. Reviews on Amazon and Barnes and Noble are good too, as are Facebook posts and Tweets to your tribe!

The Secrets They Kept is now available for sale on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, iTunes and other on-line booksellers.

Things Happen With Purpose

2011-11-16T05:30:00.000-05:00

"Failure is not the opposite of success,
it's a stepping stone to success."

-Arianna Huffington

I believe things happen with purpose. Even the ugly, awful things. In fact, sometimes it is in those moments of despair and hurt and perceived failure that we are propelled forward to something far better and greater than that for which we are mourning our loss.

Not everyone agrees with me. And I understand why. It's easier not to believe that. It's less painful to take our punches and lay there nursing our wounds, struggling to get past them while we are waiting for the next shoe to drop than to mourn fully and step forward with trust in a power greater than ourselves, that something good, something far better than what we ever could have imagined is just around the corner.

It's a bit of a mind game we have to play with ourselves. Turning around the bad to find the good. But over time when you can look with 20/20 hindsight you can find your proof, if not in your own life, then in the life of someone else.

I caught up with a friend I knew from my early days in the business last week. She's had a streak of not so great things happen that she was trying to make sense of. Of course I could not help myself but to offer that there was a reason for it all, that at the moment did not particularly look clear. She wasn't so sure.

I invited her to watch this clip of Arianna Huffington's acceptance speech at the Glamour Women of the Year Awards last week, her views on failure and a look at what happened when a man wouldn't marry her.

Do you believe things happen for a reason?
What examples can you cite in your life?

Occupy Wall Street Or Laugh At It?

2011-11-14T05:30:00.000-05:00

If you thought this was going to be a blog on my opinion on Occupy Wall Street, flip the page. It's about a book that was sent to me in the hopes of a review with the rather catchy and well-timed title, Laughing at Wall Street, a treatise on how to get your fair share of the wealth generated by following a few simple steps.

I admit to having a cynical eye toward any of the sundry books out there that profess to have all the secrets as to how you can create a fortune, find true love, write a book, blah, blah, blah. But a glance at the first few pages and Chris Camillo's writing was easy and engaging so I decided to dive in. Plus having written a book myself, I understand the importance of reviews, good, bad or indifferent.

If having control over your financial future is of interest to you and you have thought about dabbling in DIY trading, I recommend you get yourself a copy. There is no doubt this is an informative book with easy instructions on the basics and lots of resources. There are no guarantees of what wealth you can create but Chris does have an interesting perspective on how to create an OPM (other people's money) fund with which to start. Like stopping the Starbucks for as long as it takes to accumulate a few hundred in spare cash. If the fancy drinks are your downfall, that won't take too long.

What struck me the most in this book was the larger picture of what Chris addresses. He repeatedly points out that all the high priced analysis that envelopes Wall Street on a daily basis, the charts, the trends, and the projections, can still overlook what is really going on in the world and in the case of the market, where the next big hot stock is going to be and where you can reap the benefits.

24/7 Cable News and Internet blogs have us inundated with "experts" telling us what happened, what is happening and what will happen. If we are not careful that leaves us little room to draw our own conclusions, about stocks or anything else of consequence. And if we listen too long, we might even think we have no control over our own destiny.

Chris is an inspiring writer. Whether it is how to increase our net worth or follow our passion in life, the book for me was a reminder that we have the power to take control and make something happen. We live in a time where vast resources and information are at our fingertips and where we can engage with others on-line and off-line. We must remember to pay attention to what is going on around us, to not rely on stats and analysis alone, to not believe an "expert" just because they say they are, and to think...in the box and out of the box. We might make mistakes and lose a few, but as long as we learn from that we are on our way to creating what we want. And if you follow Chris's instructions, that might be increased wealth.

I don't know Chris's opinion on the Occupy Wall Street movement. I am not sure I know my own. But I do know that when given a choice, I opt for laughter!

Are you a DIY investor?
Do you rely soley on experts or do you draw your own conclusions?

Surprised? Not Me!

2011-11-04T06:30:00.000-04:00

It's been quite a week in the headlines. One hardly knows where to start. The Greek Government is about to collapse. The markets reaction is down then up then down and up again. One can hardly keep track. Justin Bieber might be a father. Kim Kardashian breaks a new world record for most lavish wedding and quickest divorce. My new iPhone's battery has a below par battery life. And then there is my personal favorite, Herman Cain's supposed issues with sexual harassment in the 90's. It's times like this that I am so glad I don't work for a news channel anymore and have to live with the fact I made money off this stuff.

Now I don't often smear (ooh! did I use the word smear?) this blog with discussions about our political leaders or would be leaders but sometimes I just can't help myself. And this is one of those times.

You know what I'm getting to. Herman Cain and the alleged sexual harassment claims.

What surprises me most about this whole thing is that anyone is surprised. This story line is worn. Politicians of all party persuasion, propping themselves up on camera as holier than thou, church going, family men, claiming to be better than us, when in truth they are as flawed as everyone else. Correction. More flawed. You have to be to live in the delusion that your past is not going to meet your present. Haven't they heard about the Internet and 24/7 cable news?

Now, these are still "allegations." But if I were a betting woman I would say there was truth behind it.

Reason #1. Any woman who has had an extended stay in the corporate world will tell you that sexual harassment and discrimination still existed in the 90's as much as it did in the "Mad Men" era. The truth is as much as we don't want to believe it and as many will try to convince you otherwise, it still does. The biggest difference from what went on years ago and today is that then it was overt and today it is covert.

Reason #2. Take a look at what Herman Cain stands for. If it's anything, this is not a man who respects women's rights. He doesn't believe in affirmative action, insisting we are beyond that. He doesn't think a woman has a right to make decisions involving her body, even if it was life or death. Unless of course, it is his daughter or granddaughter. In that case they can break the new laws he wants to invoke. But only if they have the money to fund it. And if they don't it's no one's fault but their own.

Reason #3. No story happens out of nowhere. We still don't know all the details, but even if it is only a shred, there is some truth to this.

Reason #4. I'm a big believer it is not always the action itself that is damning, it is how you react. And Herman Cain is reacting as if he has something to hide. His recollection changes from sound bite to sound bite as he points fingers one minute at the "liberal mainstream media", the next at his buddy, Rick Perry.

The big question is not who leaked the story, it's what is the story? And like my novel, the mystery is why is everyone so reluctant to tell it?

Hint: We are only reluctant when we don't want the real truth known.

Have you gotten your copy of The Secrets They Kept yet?
Now on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and iBook!

Costume Changes

2011-10-31T09:48:00.000-04:00

Ever notice what happens when people put on a costume? It doesn't matter how young or old they are, personalities shift. The range can be from thinking they have license to do all those things they would not do without the costume, to total discomfort and uncertainty as to who they are now supposed to be.

I thought about this whole thing when I was struggling to pull on the black vinyl catsuit I decided I wanted to wear for Halloween. I've no doubt the one wore by Catwoman was a lot more expensive than mine and therefore had a lot more flexibility. I'm also sure hers did not come with that delightful odor reserved for vinyl shower curtains. But once zipped up, I started to giggle. Not only did I look different, I felt different. I was about to take on the persona of my costume. I wasn't going to the party as the writer, or business coach, or new novelist. I was going as someone different. And what I was wearing was making the difference.

The truth is we all wear a costume, everyday, regardless of whether it is Halloween or not.

I still have a closet full of suits that when I am forced to wear one, I look and feel like the corporate executive I spent many years playing, buttoned up, restrained, having to conform to the rules. I slip on my yoga pants and t-shirt and I am not just headed for the gym, but I am now in my writing costume, comfortable and flexible with which to stretch my creativity. Dinner with mom is not how I dress for dinner with a date. Two different costumes for two different personas. A pajama party with the girls is not the same costume of lingerie I might choose for a sleepover with my guy.

Why do we have these costume changes? To help shift us into the various roles we play in our lives. How many times have you walked in the door after an excruciatingly long day, aching to take off the costume you'd been playing your role in just so you could find the core of yourself again? Sometimes the costumes are fun and others might make you break out in a rash.

The roles you play in these costumes are not necessarily unauthentic. Just parts of who you are. Underneath all the layers, you are still you. The difference with Halloween is you get to be outlandish.

What's your Halloween costume?
Do costume changes help you to shift into your various roles?

The Secrets They Kept is now available for sale on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, iTunes and other on-line booksellers.

Don't Call Me A Slasher !

2011-10-28T07:30:00.000-04:00

They’recalling me a “slasher”. And I don’t like it. The word smacks of vampires and comicbook villains. Of which I amneither.

Butthen I am not much of one for labels in general. Labels denote black and whiteor red and blue status. Labels alienate. Labels imply there is no gray matterin the world. Labels are our culture’s attempt to fit into a box something thatdefies the status quo. If you don’t look like, think like, dress like or thiscase work like me we need to put a label on you. Preferably something that insinuates just how different youare. Or maybe even squeezing in the labelers personal opinion about what they thinkof your choice.

MarciAlboher, author of the book OnePerson/Multiple Careers: A New Model for Work/Life Success has coined thisterm for the growing number of individuals (myself included) who draw their incomefrom more than one area of expertise. The slash apparently refers to the slashmark used to separate these different jobs. In my case, that would be Writer,Business Coach, Speaker and Author of The Secrets They Kept. Except that I donot use slash marks to separate these parts of my business. I prefer commas. Onmy business card, I have spaces. That’s the kind of girl I am. I pause. I don’tslash.

Yet “slasher”is the latest in a string of labels used for members of The Gig Economy, thosewho have opted out of the traditional 9 to 5 job culture. Theseindependent workers, entrepreneurs, self-employed, sole proprietors,freelancers, consultants and now “slashers” earn their living from more thanone source. They are not beholdento one employer, but several. They can sleep until 10AM on a Monday morning andwork until midnight on Saturday and no one will fire them as long as theycomplete their project. They don’t always know when their next check will comein, but they know it will. They plan their own days. They are the boss of them. They are generally happy peopleworking at what they like and if they are really lucky, passionate about.

All theselabels assigned to classify someone who wasn’t riding an elevator to the sameoffice every day used to terrify me when I was still firmly entrenched in mysupposedly “secure” corporate job. They all sounded too rebel like and unsafe. But then that iswhat labels are supposed to do. Scare. Keep people standing still and notupsetting the apple cart. Especially when they sound as inviting as “slashers.”

Thinkabout all the unappealing labels attributed when people, especially women breakthe status quo. A woman dating a younger man become a cougar. A woman marryinga man much older than herself becomes a trophy wife. A woman owns her sexuality and is on her way to becoming aslut. In the not too distant past a woman who never married was called aspinster. A mother is only called a working mother if she is working outsidethe home. A woman who asserts herself in the business place and perhaps makesan unfavorable decision is a bitch. A woman who knows and asks for what shewants very specifically is considered high-maintenance.

Dosomething unconventional and we create a label that implies something is wrong.

I hearthe word “slasher” and I don’t think of a slash mark on my computer keyboard.I picture a dominatrix-like figure clad in leather and wielding knives as she cuts and slicesher way to a paycheck. That’s nothow I see myself, not how I want to market myself to a new coaching client, nothow I want the readers of my blog or my novel to view me.

I amguessing that Marci Alboher’s intention was not for “slasher” to conjure up an image of a trail of blood left in the slasher’s wake. But nevertheless ithas. At least for me. That’s the trouble with labels. We don’t always know what their impactwill be.

Incase you were wondering I won’t be introducing myself as a “slasher” anytimesoon. I don’t think it would be good for business. But I’m thinking it might make a great Halloween costume!

No Excuses Not To Come Visit!

2011-10-26T09:03:00.001-04:00

I first met Gloria Feldt at an 85Broads breakfast not long after I left the corporate world. I admit to being a bit intimidated. After all this was Gloria Feldt, best selling author, commentator, public speaker on women, feminism, politics, leadership, media and health. And did I mention former President and CEO of Planned Parenthood? How could I not be in awe?

Gloria and I stay connected in that way that is only possible in the world of Twitter and Facebook. When No Excuses, 9 Ways Women Can Change How We Think About Power was published I was riveted. So much so that I wrote a blog on it suggesting, and I quote myself:

"Whether you lean left, right or in between, if you are a woman you should read this book."

What I have learned about Gloria is that she walks the walk. Gloria believes in women supporting women and demonstrates it in her generosity. When she heard I had chosen the non-traditional route of self-publishing she invited me to be featured on her 9 Ways Women Are Doing It blog. Which is where I am honored to be today.

There is no excuse not to come join me! Just follow this link!

While You Were Out

2011-10-19T06:58:00.002-04:00

In case you haven't noticed we're living in a time where things are changing so fast that keeping up can be pretty exhausting. I needed to slow it down the other day and instead of completely shutting it all off, I did something old fashioned and decided to read my print version of the New York Times instead of the one on my iPad.

I caught a little blurb in the sidebar, that four new print magazines are launching next week that will advise business owners how to use social media tools. I know it sounds funny, doesn't it? Starting new print outlets in this age where supposedly that is dying as fast and furious as the trees used to make the paper. And all with the purpose of teaching ( translate: making money off of) those companies that haven't been paying attention the last three years how to use use platforms like Twitter, Facebook, Google and LinkedIn to their benefit. But apparently, it's true.

The owners, GSG World Media have a website with a big headline "social media's about to get down to business" that I am sure will be chock full of all those things that new media marketers have been talking about on their blogs and in teleseminars for free the last few years while those companies were out doing something else, diverting their attention to things like downsizing their organizations and I am sure hoping this social media thing was just a passing fad.

That's what happens when real change abounds. The majority of us tune it out, hope it goes away and long for the good ol'days when you didn't worry so much when you left your office about all the "stuff" you would come back to. A time when things like phone messages were written on a pink slip of paper by a human being and email was barely a glimmer in someone's eye.

But sometimes the noise gets too loud and we are forced to pay attention. Sometimes that leaves us behind the eight ball or in this case with the option of paying $7.95 a publication at your local Office Depot.

I am the first to tell you social media will not replace and make extinct all other forms of media, just like FM radio in the eighties did not make AM stations go away nor did cable make people stop watching broadcast. The pie just became more fragmented. Instead of indulging on one big wedge of apple crumb, you can have a sliver and still have room to try the blueberry and the pecan if that is your taste, never changing your caloric intake. Or like me, you can embrace the change, mix up scrolling on your iPad with some good old fashioned newsprint on your fingers while you search the sidebars for interesting tidbits with which to write a blog.

How do you react to change?
Do you wait until you have to adapt or are you an early embracer?

BTW...Have I mentioned my debut novel, The Secrets They Kept is now available on Amazon AND Barnes and Noble in print and e-book! And please, feel free to use your social media of choice to help spread the word and the book sales!

Afterbirth

2011-10-14T05:30:00.000-04:00

Having never had children I don't know from personal experience what happens in those first weeks after giving birth. But I'd think there are some similarities to what I've been feeling since The Secrets They Kept was published. This book after all, was my baby. Instead of nine months, it took seven years. Seven years of attachment in some form to this story and these characters I had invented, fed and nurtured, breathed life into, let rest for awhile and nurtured some more. And then with a press of a button on a keyboard the placenta is broken and I am detached.

But not really. What mother gives birth to a child and stays separated?

And then there are all those questions crowding my mind and vying for attention. Like what do I do now? I can't leave this thing sitting on a web page on Amazon by itself and think it will survive? Is it going to be a healthy child or sickly? Why has it taken so long for Smashwords to send files to Barnes and Noble and iTunes? Will it live to a good old age or die young? And then the really big question, am I actually ready to be a ~~mother~~, I mean published author? No matter. It's too late now to debate. There is a newborn book who needs me.

The book needs press and reviews that will translate into sales. It needs me to guest post and be interviewed to spread the news of its arrival. There is no nanny in the form of a Big Six marketing budget, just me, the birth mother, with a little help from Facebook,Twitter and her friends, trying to wash away the afterbirth and get on with the business of making sure this baby book lives a healthy, happy and long life.

After all, that's all any mother wants for her child.

Check out my first Amazon review in which The Secrets They Kept was called an "Excellent Debut Novel!"

Walking The Walk

2011-10-07T09:29:00.000-04:00

I keep thinking there is something I want to write about Steve Jobs and then I look around and I see the airwaves, the papers, the Internet, flooded with conversation and commentary and I wonder what I could possibly say that hasn't been said already, what I could add that would give a fresh perspective.

And so until now I haven't. I've let everyone else speak. But this morning I remembered why I write. It is not necessarily the story itself but it is how it is told. And it is our own unique voices that make all the difference.

Steve Jobs' voice was unique. His story engages us all. He did what so many of us want to do but are afraid to. He followed his heart and his intuition. He went against conventional thought. He let his passion direct his path, not where he thought there might be money. He demonstrated what can happen when you do that. He literally changed the world and from that the bonus was a financially abundant life. But Steve told the world he never did it for the money. That is so contradictory to the thought process that dominates today's corporate culture. And yet it worked, and brilliantly!

You never hear people complaining about working for Apple. In fact, go into any Apple store and people are happily waiting to help you. That passion that Steve Jobs had for the product miraculously makes it all the way to the person sitting at the Genius Bar. Encouraging creativity, thinking out of the box, establishing an environment that people want to come work in, this is not the way of most business environments today. Yet Steve Jobs proved it can work and be profitable at the same time. That's a concept that is as innovative as the iPhone was in 2007.

I commented on Facebook the other day that the world has lost a bright light in Steve Jobs. I'll now add that because of the way he chose to live his life, that light will shine on into eternity. He changed the way we use technology. He made it fun and colorful and easy. He encouraged us all to follow our heart and our intuition. And he did more than talk the talk. He walked the walk. The only gift he was not blessed with was the length of time in which to do that.

I don't know if my thoughts add any freshness or insight to what has already been said, but it doesn't matter. I am listening to Steve Jobs today. I am not waiting for someone else to say it for me or assuming someone else will say it as well. If Steve had waited who knows what our world would like.

On The Radio

2011-10-05T22:04:00.000-04:00

I had the pleasure of being interviewed by Kelley Connors, host of Real Women on Health on BlogTalk Radio today. If you missed the show and would like to listen in on what we talked about, just press play for the podcast. The topics ranged from my eclectic media consumption to how I came to write The Secrets They Kept. Thanks to Kelley for the invitation!

Listen to internet radio with kelleyconnors on Blog Talk Radio

The More Things Change

2011-09-29T05:30:00.000-04:00

The more things change the more they stay the same.

I spent years in a world where checking numbers was part of the program. And in numbers I mean sales. How much did I sell today eventually became how much did we sell today. Technology made it all worse. Those daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly and annual reports that at one time were printed on the remnants of thousands of dead trees could now be accessed with a click of a computer key, not to mention in real time.

Tracking sales, looking for trends, twisting them and bending them for purposes good or bad is a necessary business skill whether you are in the sales department or finance. And if sales is your game and management your title it can be a downright obsession that too often can take the focus off doing something to make that needle move.

I don't live in that world anymore. But as I said the more things change the more they stay the same.

With my novel officially published and available for sale on Amazon, I once again have access to up to the minute sales reports. I can tell how many e-books are being sold versus print books. I will be able to see if a guest post on another blog or a radio interview has an impact on sales. I can spend my day staring at a computer screen trying to will a bigger number or I can go market my wares to potential new readers, better yet, write something new and create more product. Yes, the obsession has returned.

But this time it feels different.

Now on sale for your reading pleasure at Amazon.com

On Sale Today, For Your Reading Pleasure

2011-09-27T06:30:00.000-04:00

I am not a woman of few words, although Twitter has helped me in learning how to write in 140 characters or less. But today this will be brief. After countless hours, days, months and yes, years, of writing, dreaming, thinking, editing, trying it the traditional way, throwing that aside and editing again, this novel is out in the world. Technically it was available for sale yesterday, but for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is today's new Moon, I selected September 27 as my official launch date.

I like new Moons. I like ritual. I like superstition. Maybe it is the Greek in me. In any case, a new Moon is said to be a magical time of new beginnings when you can recharge intentions or set new ones out into the world. My intention to become a published author has been on many my new Moon lists over the years. It took a while and it certainly did not unfold the way I expected it to, but then what was I thinking? I'm really not a conventional kind of girl. Why would I have followed the established route?

The print edition and the Kindle edition of The Secrets They Kept are available today on Amazon.com. There, I said it and I admit it feels a bit surreal.

If you read fiction, I invite you to buy a copy.
If you like it, I invite you to give it a Like on Amazon.
If you really like it, recommend it to a friend. Tweet it. Facebook it.
If you really, really like it, write a review on Amazon.

Having not gone the traditional route there is no Big Six Marketing budget to drive attention to my novel. Just me and my intentions.

Which, by the way, is to spread the word as far as our viral, interconnected world will allow.

Humbled

2011-09-25T09:01:00.000-04:00

When you've been doing the same thing for a long time, you think you know a lot. Sometimes you think you know it all. Until that moment you decide to do something different. And you discover there is an awful lot you have yet to learn. That is the moment you become humbled.

Witness what happens on my guilty pleasure, Dancing With The Stars. Accomplished athletes are my favorite example. They excel in their particular sport. Now asked to move their body in a new manner and it doesn't look like they are as accomplished as they were. Or take the models. Stunningly beautiful when standing still, but asked to stretch their arms and legs while moving in rhythm to music and their image alters. They are beginners again, faced with a new challenge, and if they are like me, humbled at all they didn't know.

I spent years selling and marketing other people's stuff. I can make that look easy. I always knew I could write, I just avoided it. But when I set my mind to really creating story, it came naturally. Yes, I was challenging myself but it was not borne of humility but of the fear of letting my voice be heard to more than my circle of friends.

But now, as I have learned the mechanics and pitfalls of digital files, upload my novel to the various outlets where The Secrets They Kept will be sold, try and figure out when it will be available in all places at the same time, as I start to tackle these new frontiers of letting people know it is there, I am humbled.
There is no other word. Humbled. Like a first grader who knows they are ready for more, but can't help but reflect back how easy Kindergarten was. I am in virgin territory. And from that new humility I am challenged in a way that is at once terrifying and as alive as one can feel.

Do you think you know it all?
Or are you taking on new challenges that humble you, yet push you forward?

The Trouble With Waiting

2011-09-21T05:30:00.000-04:00

Ask me how I spent my Tuesday.

Waiting.

I had a few phone meetings. I tried to get past my writer's block on another article I'm writing. I had other projects to work on, book marketing prep to tackle.

But mostly I spent Tuesday waiting for the UPS guy. The one who had on his truck in NYC since 8:01AM in the morning the proof for my book. The hard copy so to speak, except the print version is in paperback.

Don't ask me how many times I checked the tracking number. Or how many times I asked the doorman if the UPS truck had arrived yet. Let's just say it was like waiting for a pot of water to boil.

I know better than to wait. I almost have to laugh at the Universe's sense of humor that at 7:15PM the book had not arrived. But that is still what I did. Wait. Anxious. Torturing myself with questions.

Is the color of the cover going to print correctly? Will all the type be in the right spot? These are the things a publishing house would have done if I had gone the traditional route. Why was I doing this myself, again? Am I going to read it one more time and be happy and satisfied or terrified that this is not ready for prime time? How many mistakes would I find? Will they be small enough to let it go? What makes me think I can write anyway? I have agonized over this other article, struggling to put words together that make sense like I have never written an article before. Who's going to want to read my story anyway?

This is what inhabits my mind when waiting. Every insecurity I have ever had comes creeping back in and could make one wonder, did she really spend all that money to work on herself, 'cause it doesn't sound like it's working.

At 7:52PM the package arrived. The waiting over. My book is real. Tomorrow I read. And then I hit publish.

Ready Or Not

2011-09-16T13:55:00.000-04:00

Yesterday morning it was summer. Hot, humid, air-conditioning weather. By late afternoon, it was fall. Temperatures dropped severely on the island I call Manhattan and a jacket was needed.

I thought I was ready for fall until I found myself shivering on a street corner last night while thinking gloves and a scarf might have been a good idea. Suddenly I wanted to push the stop button, plead, no, not yet, just a few more weeks of warm weather, please. At least a few more days.

But that isn't how it works. Once things change, there is no going back. Yes, there will be another summer, but it won't look like, taste like, feel like this one. Now we move forward, writing the chapter called fall.

We live so much of our lives looking for things to change, wanting them to change, trying to make them change, waiting for them to change. And then when the change happens it's a big Uh Oh! Did I really think I was ready for this? I'm not so sure!

In the space of a week I will be pushing a series of buttons and my novel will be for sale. Just like that it will go from a work in progress to a work completed. I will go from a writer to a published author. Whether I am ready or not, I will be standing in a brand new place and just like this summer, there is no going back.

The Secrets They Kept will be available soon on Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com, iBookstore, and other select on line booksellers.

My Love/Hate Relationship With September

2011-09-08T22:39:00.000-04:00

I have this love/hate relationship with September. I always have. At my core I am a summer girl. Yes, I love autumn leaves and the first sign of a forsythia blooming in the spring. A day spent skiing the Rockies after a fresh fallen snow will never fail to make me smile. But the summer is my season. And September's arrival says it's over.

And then there is the other side of September that I do like. Fresh starts, clean blackboards, sharpened pencils and of course the excuse to buy new shoes.

There is a lot to love about September and a lot not to.

September was the month my parents married. It was also the month my father died. Several of my nearest and dearest friends have birthdays that fall in September. And then there was that fateful Tuesday in 2001.

You see where I am with this month. Vacillating between joyous anticipation and fear of the what ifs, now intensified with the news of new and credible terror threats.

I've reflected on this blog on September 11 before and perhaps I will every year. But this year it feels bigger. Maybe because it is ten full years. And so much has changed. Maybe because once again I am adding another item to the love September side and publishing my novel.

I am torn. Between sadness in remembering and excitement for what's next.

My life was entirely different ten years ago. September 10, 2001 was the day I was officially promoted to Director of Sales for NY1 News. This was the job that was going to renew the love I had for my corporate life. And in the space of 24 hours the shine was gone. My new job seemed inconsequential as I walked the streets of a city coated in the ash of debris that was once the Twin Towers. I will never forget the eerie silence that set upon a city noted for its ability to never sleep as the souls of the thousands the tragedy took left this world. Nor the stories I read every day in the New York Times of the lives that were lost.

I cannot imagine what it was like to lose a husband or wife or child, a mother or father, but that did not exempt me from changing who I was and how I saw things. It was the beginning of a deep cellular shift in what I wanted my life to look like.

It did not take me long to become appalled as I witnessed how quickly the world forgot and our corporate dominated culture got back to what they considered the most important goal above all, making money at any cost. That brief moment of solidarity, of being joined together as a country seems in retrospect like a psychedelic drug experience.

I live my life with the belief that things happen with purpose. 9/11 tested me in that regard as did the death of my father in 1986. But how else to get past such a horror without looking for what good can be created in its aftermath? Tragedy does not befall to punish, but too often to wake us up and make us stop and look around. Sometimes we pay attention. Sometimes we go back to our old ways.

I paid attention. I try and spend more time with the people I love. I take note on a daily basis of all I have to be grateful for. I look for what is right and not what is wrong. I empathize more. I choose more carefully who and what I let in my space. I am not as afraid to show my vulnerability. I am willing to go for my passion. I live all too aware of the fragility of time.

In the spring of 2002 I signed up for Sonia Pilcer's writing class at the West Side Y. I had said for years that I wanted writing to be my third career but until then had done very little about it. I can't say for sure I would have if not for the events of that previous September. As it happened it was in Sonia's class that my protagonist in The Secrets They Kept, Elena Poulous was born.

So yes, I love September and I hate it. It is full of memories for me both painful and wonderful and all life defining. In all respects it is a pivotal month. In 1986 my life became defined as before and after my father died. In 2001 all of our lives became before and after 9/11. And now in 2011, for me it will be before and after The Secrets They Kept was published.

How has your life changed since September 11?

The Secrets They Kept will be released later this month and will be available in print and e-versions at on-line retailers everywhere.

Pushing My Own Buttons

2011-09-07T14:49:00.000-04:00

People pay me to push their buttons. That's why people hire a coach. So that someone else will make them do what they stop themselves from doing. Reaching higher. Stretching farther. Shaking things up. Refusing to settle for anything less than what they deserve. Pointing out what they already know but weren't willing to look at. Those things that make their insides turn upside down.

I'm a professional when it comes to button pushing. But trust me, that does not make it any easier when I am pushing my own. In fact it may make it harder.

With the imminent release of The Secrets They Kept, my first novel, my buttons are being pushed. All those things I have worked on and worked through in mylife are making cameo appearances on a daily basis. There are moments when I am literally shaking in my shoes. ( albeit as a member of my very large Greek family recently pointed out, some "styling shoes")

In fact some days it feels like it is 1989 and I am back in Rehoboth Beach on the boardwalk playing a game of Whac-a Mole. As soon as I have squashed one of those moles with that rubber mallet, another pops up. And it is only the prize at the end that keeps me playing.

But what I keepnoticing through this process are those moments when I want to stop the train.Push the brake pedal to the floor and turn off the engine. In the back of my brain I hear this little voice that says to get out while you still can. Youdon't have to do this. Writing is exposing oneself for all the world to see. While my words may be fiction they are wrapped up in my truth, in how I see the world, the sorts of things that my everyday friends and acquaintances may not be privy to. You don't have to let them see.

You are choosing to self-publish. To self-publish is me taking a stand that my story is worth telling based on my standards, sans the "approval" of one of the big Six publishing houses. You can go back to the safety of your old life. You cango and beg someone somewhere to give you a job selling advertising space again. You can go back to living with your biggest fear being of getting downsized. You can focus soley on your coaching practice. Or you can choose your fear, in my case of being exposed and dare I say becoming an author with readers willing to pay for what I write.

As I said, I am a professional button pusher who believes you can achieve whatever you set your mind to. So I know what to say to myself and to do to get past this delightful combination of excitement and anxiety. Most days I listen. Some days I am a bad client.

Today I am listening. I asked myself how would it feel if I did literally stop the presses. The answer is awful. And that is when I know I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, what I have to do. Pushing the right buttons.

Are you pushing your buttons or is someone else?
Are they the right buttons?

Earthquakes and Hurricanes and Flooding, Oh My!

2011-08-28T11:30:00.003-04:00

There is much to fear if you let it when you live in a city like New York. My mother taught me at a young age how to hold my pocketbook on the subway so my wallet would not get picked and to never to stand too close to the edge of the platform in the event a crazy came by and pushed you in. There is the fear of that giant crane on the construction site next door that with one big swing could come crashing into your building. Or unsecured scaffolding that could crush those walking underneath. Being stuck in an elevator or worse, a subway car between stations crosses many minds. I have a personal fear of falling through a subway grate. And lets not forget the big one, the fear of a terrorist attack that 9/11 proved to be far too real.

But you learn to adjust and take it in stride. No one who lives here for an extended period dwells in fear. Those who do usually wind up moving someplace else.

Earthquakes are not on your average New Yorker's fear list. Nor are hurricanes. Yet in the span of one week our fair city has experienced both. As I write this Irene has been downgraded to a tropical storm and the next big worry is how much flooding will occur. This all just two weeks away from the anniversary of 9/11. All of this has tested even the hardiest of New Yorkers. So it was no wonder there was an edge in the air the last few days as bottled water and batteries disappeared from the shelves. We had reason to worry and to prepare. And I applaud Mayor Bloomberg in how he readied the city. Because this is after all Mother Nature we are talking about. We can't control what she decides to do. But we can control our actions, get our go bags ready and stock the house with supplies.

Who can't seem to control themselves through any of these potential disasters is the media. Their job at times like this is to keep us informed and in touch, and dare I say, perhaps even calm us, not to exacerbate and make the potential of real disaster seem even greater than it is. But that was not the case. I liken them to addicts in search of a fix. Their fix being some fear-inducing lead-in that will get you to turn them on or click through a link to their website. A reason to change the inflection of their voice as though they were acting in a play on Broadway instead of reporting the news.

When I was a kid during the very turbulent sixties you looked to a Walter Cronkite to steady you. Today finding anyone who carries any of his soothing characteristics is rare. I stopped watching CNN yesterday when Wolf Blitzer led with roof tops blowing off the houses in Virginia and then stopped with no details as to whether it was one roof or a dozen or where in the very big state of Virginia that was. He wanted me to hang around for his next update. I didn't. I switched channels. And I switched and I switched. I was in search of some sort of sensibility in reporting as people up and down the East Coast were waiting in trepidation for when the hurricane would hit them. I wanted information not hype. I wanted calm not frenzy. I wanted reporting that served as a resource to the community, not tied up in ratings and advertising revenue and a desire to be #1 but targeted at keeping the public informed.

For the record I settled where I should have started. With my old friends at NY1 News, which in full disclosure I once worked for. I prefer the even inflection and well thought out questions of Pat Kiernan and the saneness and intelligence of their meteorologist, John Davitt, to any of my other choices.

The next big fear is the flooding factor. But I will add one more to that. The fear that if the media consistently creates more hype instead of more reporting, we will all start to tune out. And then like the boy who cried wolf, we will not know when we should really be paying attention.

Do you think the media did their job reporting on Hurricane Irene?

Giuseppe's Getting Ready

2011-08-19T11:19:00.001-04:00

Most of us spend our lives trying not to be seen. Slipping just far enough under the radar so we can call ourselves a success without getting too much attention. We play by the rules someone else created for us, our family, our culture, our religions. Not being seen fully allows us to keep our secrets, perhaps hide our flaws, avoid being judged more harshly than we can tolerate. We think we are in control of who sees what part of us when.

In this age of Twitter, FB and Google searches we have lost that control. Sound bites and news clips take the every day citizen into a spotlight they may despise or secretly crave. I tell people that I believe you need to live your life online as though you were on Candid Camera. For those not old enough to remember, Candid Camera was a kinder, gentler, more humane version of TMZ.

As a writer, I cannot fully function without words. I lose my ability to breathe when I am not constructing sentences into story. It is who I am.

I wrote just for me for a very long time. This blog was the beginning of me putting those words out there in the world, to be shared, to be enjoyed, at times to be criticized. And now in a month's time if all goes to schedule I will release my first novel to the world. While the story is fiction, any writer will tell you what we write involves baring ours souls. It is our art. No matter how made up the characters are they stem from some truth in the way the writer sees the world and human interaction. I will be seen. Ready or not.

I have been busy preparing. Choosing my cover design. Debating whether to format the text myself or hire someone. Reading and rereading passages that need polishing. Guessing timelines. Compiling my lists of how and where I will promote The Secrets They Kept.

It's an effort to keep the worries and the fears at bay and to trust that the Universe will provide. Walking helps. This morning it also offered up one of those delicious winks that I can't stop smiling from.

There is a bronze bust on a pillar in Central Park that I pass every time I take my walk. I have my friend Giuseppe in several scenes in the novel. Today as I was coming close I noticed some tape and plastic at the spot where the bust meets the stand and then a man on a crane lowering himself close. I asked what he was doing. He told me he was repatinizing it. A green and brown film is produced on bronze due to oxidation over a long period of time. Giuseppe hadn't had a sprucing up since 1994.

Giuseppe, I am guessing is anticipating more visitors. He is getting ready as I am to be seen in a fresh light.

The Secrets They Kept will be released in September 2011. For more details and to be added to my mailing list please click through this link.

Terrified

2011-08-15T08:31:00.000-04:00

Today I am terrified. I'm not sure the reason. Maybe it was seeing The Help this weekend, a wonderful screen version of a terrific novel and feeling my story is so small in comparison. Maybe it was reading The New York Times yesterday and being reminded of last week's roller coaster ride in the markets that the media seized upon. Seriously, these are crazy times, but doesn't soaking yourself in the news just magnify the reality exponentially?

I always think starting with the Style section will ease the blow. But there on the front page was that headline, Maybe It's Time for Plan C, an article in which the author takes great care to point out as much of the negative as possible when pursuing your passion. For a brief moment it caused me to second guess my choice to go for Plan B. Or maybe it was the other article, the one entitled In St. Louis, I'm a Failure that talked about Amazon's data that it makes available to its authors that allows you to track each and every book sale by geography. It occurred to me that in approximately a month's time, I would be able to track mine. I will know every copy of The Secrets They Kept that is sold and not sold.

There comes that terror again, raging through my body.
What if no one buys it?

Today I am terrified. I am really going to do this. I spent the weekend looking at concepts for my book cover. This afternoon I will discuss with my designer the direction I want to go. I have edits to make and hours to spend on Smashwords and talking to the folks at CreateSpace. I am terrified.

I am in too far to back out. I don't want to back out. I'm past that point. I'm in the stage where I just keep moving forward and try not to let the nausea seep up from my stomach to my throat. Seth Godin must be sensing it because his post today was about me. I've dug my hole.

That Times article talked about stress. But that is not what this feels like. I did not leave the corporate world thinking I would have no stress as an independent worker. In much the way you don't stop having disagreements with your boyfriend just because you like the new one more than the old one. It's just a different argument, a different kind of stress. In each case you hope this time it is borne of love.

What I'm feeling today is not stress. This is terror. That realization that I am doing this. I am no longer waiting. I am self-publishing my first novel. I might fall on my face and this be a disaster. I may get more bad reviews than good ones. But I am doing this. I will be seen. And I am terrified.

San Diego Stories

2011-08-11T19:52:00.012-04:00

Once upon a time in a world long, long ago I traveled for work. In the days before 9/11 it was fun, but never quite as glamorous as it looked from the outside. I attended meetings and conferences in almost every major city in the continental US. I learned how to navigate to get upgrades on seats. I amused myself by checking to see what price Starbucks charged for my tall coffee in cities other than New York. But I never learned how to eliminate jet lag. Jet laggggggg. That thing that happens when you switch time zones and almost always is worse flying West to East.

So in my feeble attempt to rise above it I am going to blog just to catch up and tell you where I've been and what I've been up to.

The place was San Diego. The conference was BlogHer11. If you are not familiar BlogHer is a network of women bloggers founded in 2005 by Lisa Stone, Jory Des Jardins and Elisa Camahort Page. In six years the network now reaches 26 million women bloggers. Their growth is extraordinary.

The numbers seem to vary as to exactly how many flooded the San Diego Convention Center this year but it seems to be hovering around the 3000 mark. Yes, 3000. For those not convinced bloggers clout is sought after and growing one needed only to walk the Expo floor crowded with companies hawking samples and swag from Lindt chocolate to Scrubbing Bubbles to be convinced otherwise. BlogHer's tribe is not just mommy bloggers and openly claims to want to push past that image, but the truth is what I saw was still predominately mommy bloggers. As we know, a mommy blogger I am not. Still I found my peeps and I got to mingle and listen to a number of very cool women on the agenda.

My highlights:

Gretchen Rubin moderating a panel that included Brene Brown. If you have not seen Brene Brown check out her TED talk. She'll win you over and yes she is everything and more in person.
The Hufffington Post women panel, led by Lori Leibovich including but not limited to Agapi Stassinopoulos (you know I love Greek wisdom!) and Janice Min, the woman who turned around the Hollywood Reporter.
Getting to see what Emily McKhann of The Motherhood and the other members of One Mom Can Make a Difference did on their trip to Kenya at a special showing of the feature ABC News produced.
Indra Nooyi, CEO of Pepsico's Keynote. Can I just say corporate America needs more women at the helm like her? Of course I can! This is my blog! Indra was so powerful she may warrant me writing a blog devoted to just her.

In between I got to dine with new friends Kat Gordon of Maternal Instinct and Rebecca Rivera of Digitas, chat with Lisen Stromberg of PrismWork and rejoice with Colette Martin of the impending publication of her first book on learning to eat allergy free. I even managed to squeeze in cocktails with my cousin, her husband and their friends who just happened to be in San Diego. My big fat Greek family is everywhere!

Best of all was being surrounded by my good friends Karen Quinn of TestingMom and Nancy Moon of MoonPR (If you are looking for THE best in PR, hire Nancy!) Together we managed to add seeing Blood, Sweat and Tears into the program and a jaunt to LaJolla.

After that the next best part was that for two and half days of the conference I got to practice saying out loud that The Secrets They Kept, my novel, will be published and available for sale in September. It's getting easier, but the nausea remains even though the jet lag is waning. And as for the price of Starbucks at the San Diego Marriott, $2.69 for a tall coffee! Incredible but true, some things are cheaper in NYC!

Morning walks at the San Diego Pier..you just never know who you will run into!

The Secret I've Been Keeping

2011-08-02T21:29:00.001-04:00

I havea secret. Well, maybe the first part is not so secret. But I’ve had this desire tobe a published novelist. I’ve written two novels that have been shopped up anddown the streets of this city by my ever-faithful agent. Eachof them has received their fair share of rejections.

I’ve learnedthis is not uncommon. John Grisham reportedly received 28 before A Time To Kill waspublished. Kathryn Stockett topped that with 60 before The Help was given agreen light. So rejection by the big publishing houses does not necessarilymean what you got ain’t good. These days it has more to do with the businessmodel, one that is based on what I like to call, the what is going to make the most money the quickest, let’s not worryabout quality model. It’s acorporate disease that is not limited to publishing. That is not to say qualityis not being printed. In between the life story of Snookie from the JerseyShore and Sarah Palin’s 432 pages on how being able to see Russia from herbathroom window qualifies her as an expert on foreign policy, there has beensome good stuff given the seal of approval in the world of traditionalpublishing. It’s just harder to find.

But here’sthe next part of this secret. As much as I openly abhor the inner workings oftoday’s corporate environment I confess I have coveted that acceptance into theclub letter. I admit all thoseeditors, publishers and agents had me convinced that until I got my call fromone of the Big Five saying I had an offer and an advance I was not printworthy.

Crazy,huh? But true.

Thenback in January I splurged and signed myself up for a one-day seminar with Seth Godin on the future of the publishing industry. Seth, ever brilliant, made apoint that I couldn’t shake. He drew the analogy that waiting for the bookindustry to deem me publishing worthy was like sitting on the bench waiting toget picked for the team in school. So I started to wonder, why was I waiting?This was me. The girl who refused to stand in line in her old clubbing daysbecause she was not going to wait for someone else to get done having theirgood time so she could start having hers.

Iremembered why I left the corporate environment. Their philosophies no longermatched up with mine.Yet I stillwanted their approval rating. What was that about? I live in a world where technology has gifted me the abilityto do this myself. And I wasn’t taking advantage of it! I embraced on linebanking quicker than this!

Thenone morning while in the shower, where so many of my really good decisions aremade, I decided I was going to self-publish my first novel.

There,I said it.

Iadmit it makes me a bit nauseous. But I have decided it is time to get up offthe bench.

Ihaven’t been talking about it too much because I also decided I no longer likedthe title I had. So I spent alittle more time wallowing in resistance to the do it yourself option and agonizedover what the new title would be. Nowthat I have it, I’ve given myself license to say it out loud. The Secrets They Kept.

Inbetween I hired a professional editor. If I was going to do this it was not going to be with scotchtape and band-aids. I’ve taken theresults of her work to heed and have been implementing some changes. Today I hired a graphic designer to do the cover. Next is the uncharted territory of e-book formatting,which quite frankly is more challenging and terrifying for me than writing thenovel was.

So, mysecret is out. I am about to join forces with all those other rebels who arechanging the publishing industry. You see I am one of those that believe people aren’t readingless. They are reading differently. And I believe with the advent of e-readers they will be reading evenmore than before. Traditional publishing will not go away just as AM Radiodidn’t disappear when Television entered the picture. But the game will bedifferent. There will be more content, not less and the key will be to find thereally good stuff among the mediocre. I’m hoping my novel falls into the category of sought after quality.

Thisis not to say that should a nice advance from one of the old brick and mortarscome my way I would not be open to considering it. But one thing is for sure. Iam no longer waiting to be picked.

The Secrets They Kept will be available for sale on Amazon.com and other on-line book retailers in both e-book and print in September. Stay tuned for more details, and please, feel free to help spread the word!

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The Case For Polite

2011-07-28T08:25:00.002-04:00

I have spewed my share of expletives. Ask anyone who has ridden as a passenger when I am driving my car and they will attest to it. You could even check in with more than one of my former colleagues and they will tell you that within the walls of my office I have been known to use one or two of those words that will get you fined if you utter them on public airwaves. Sometimes a good ol' four-letter word is the only word that will do.

But you will not catch me using swear words in this blog as a means to express my opinion. Profanity is not going to show up in a tweet or Facebook post. You will not find me cursing in a taped interview, a video clip or in front of a room full of people who may or may not be paying to hear me speak. As old fashioned or corny as it may sound I have my set of standards. I believe there is a time and place for everything. Yes, I may have a character in one of my novels use an expletive but that is my character's voice and not mine. When I hear obscenities spoken carelessly with no regard to whom might find it offensive, I get a little crazy.

I am far from conservative on most issues but when it comes to the careless use and misuse of language that seems to be pervasive in these wild times I think that someone has to make the case for polite. So here it is.

In much the way most of us shut down when someone is yelling and pointing fingers, I stop listening when I hear or see what was once consider "dirty" words or "obscenities" dropped in a cavalier manner. If the person speaking thinks they are being cool or hip, I don't. I think crude. I lose respect. I judge. Yes, I don't often judge but I do in this case. I now have a picture in my mind of who and what that person is about and I don't like it. I shut down and am not all that interested in hearing what that person has to say.

For example, when House Majority Leader, Eric Cantor is quoted as saying "the debt limit vote sucks" my already low opinion of him is solidified. I understand more why there has been no resolution on this issue. We have elected officials whose vocabulary is so limited that they cannot think of a more respectable adjective to describe how they feel. I wonder if they realize they stand in a public arena representing citizens of this country and not that on the stage of the Beacon Theatre delivering a comedy routine. I wonder where their sense of decorum is but then I realize if they are limited to using words like "suck" to describe their feelings, they probably do not know what decorum is. Or for that matter professional.

I was taught to act like a grown-up in public. I coach what I was taught to others. If you are on a job interview or in the middle of negotiations with a big client, think about what you say and the words you are using. Be polite. It can go a long way.

We live in a time where in a flash your message can be communicated to the far reaches of the globe. And that, I happen to believe is a very good, very democratizing result of all this technology. But it does not preclude common sense. It does obliterate knowing our audience. It does not mean that we can't pause for just a few minutes and think before we let the words fly out of our mouths, especially when there is a camera around, especially when we or someone else can take that sound bite to Twitter or Facebook. I'm not asking for much, just a little politeness and refinement with the goal of actually communicating with each other and perhaps getting something done.

Who knows, if the House and Senate tried practicing such behavior, they might actually find time to do their jobs instead of politically posturing themselves. They might actually start listening to what the majority of the American people want. They might even see their way to resolving the debt ceiling issue.

What do you think about the careless use of language in today's viral world?
Would you like to see a little more politeness in the world?

Burlap to Cashmere

2011-07-19T08:36:00.002-04:00

You all know how I love stories of reinvention. Well, I love them even more when I have personal acquaintance with the people involved.

Today's story is one of reinvention and second chances. It is about a band, Burlap to Cashmere. If the name sounds familiar you may remember them from their first album, Anybody Out There which was released in the late 90s. The band had a unique sound, a loyal following and a touring schedule that got the better of them. In 2001 they went on hiatus.

In 2005 guitarist Johnny Philippidis made the news, not for his music but for the beating he took within an inch of his life. Johnny was the victim of a road rage incident in which two ex-Marines and a female accomplice left him for dead just miles from his home in Brooklyn. It was one of those moments in life where you are given a choice. You can continue to play the role of victim or you can choose to revel in the fact you are still alive and recreate.

Johnny was lucky. He had a lot of family and friends surrounding him with love and support. One of which is lead singer and songwriter, Steven Delopoulus,who also happens to be his cousin. No one was sure, including the doctors whether Johnny would ever be able to play guitar again because of the damages he suffered. But Steven would visit him almost every weekend testing out new songs. At some point Johnny found the courage to pick up the guitar and see what happened. Turns out his talent did not need the 13 titanium implants his face did.

The grandsons of two first generation Greek American brothers decided that it was time to start playing music together again.

Enter, drummer Theodore Pagano at his own crossroads going through a divorce and a subsequent decision to leave his job as an interior designer in London. He provided the organizational skills and drive to land the band another major-label record deal. That album, self titled, Burlap to Cashmere is available today wherever music is sold.

Their sound has a huge 70's influence that is reminiscent of Cat Stevens, Van Morrison and Simon and Garfunkel spiced with Johnny and Steven's Mediterranean roots. It's that sound that is rare today and so badly needed. The kind of music that just makes you want to sit and escape into it, get away from the incessant obsession with where Casey Anthony is and how deep Rupert Murduch's scandal goes and watch a sunset, drink a glass of wine and surround yourself with people you love.

Now, in full disclosure, I have more than personal acquaintance with this band. Johnny is my cousin by blood which makes his cousin Steven, by Greek standards, my cousin too. Johnny's grandmother was not just my father's sister and his grandfather my dad's best man but my godparents as well. And Steven's grandparents? I considered them as much my aunt and uncle as any of my blood relations. It is all very tangled in the most Greek of ways. So if I seem biased in how I feel about their music it might be my personal connection.

But I will let you decide that yourself. Here's is a sample from the new release. And it you like, I invite you not just to buy a copy but to spread the word through Facebook, Twitter or whatever your on line and off line social networks of choice happen to be.

Setting The Pace

2011-07-16T10:31:00.002-04:00

   I've never been a runner, but I hold a lot of respect for them. By virtue of their preferred sport they are literally willing to go the distance, with few stops and all sorts of pounding and pressure against their joints. While I too am willing to go the distance I prefer a very fast walk and an occasional pause. It's less painful to my body.
   I'm fortunate to call Central Park my backyard, a place where I can walk for miles in calm surrounded by trees, great expanses of green lawn and little automobile traffic, especially on the weekends.
   Unless of course that weekend includes a race. There are a lot of them this time of year. Which is why I generally avoid the park on a weekend morning. But today I forgot. In fact it didn't even occur to me as I entered at 7:50 this morning. Until I saw the cones and the people standing guard in their neon vests. And that big overhead sign.

   I asked when it was starting, hoping I would hear 9. That would have given me plenty of time to get in my walk and be gone before the herds started. But the man said 8. Ten minutes was barely enough time to decide if I should go East first or stay West. I thought about turning around and heading straight to Starbucks for a coffee, but then I remembered this is my park too. I have a right to enjoy it. I would figure this out.
   Within no time the swarm of runners were next to me. I hovered as close to the edge as I could. But if you've ever been in a pack of road racers and not running, you can understand how people not moving fast enough can get trampled in a crowd. I got a little uneasy and stopped close to the Boathouse and watched.
   I thought if I waited the thickness would dissipate and I would find my own lane. But from the way things looked that might be around Noon and I did not have that much time.
   Then as I watched the faces staring straight ahead trying to find their pace, their numbers pinned to their shirts, it hit me that this was a great big metaphor for this crazy, busy world we are all living in. Everyone pointed forward, trying to stand in their own place, not necessarily caring to make room for anyone else, but trying desperately to get to the finish line in their best time. Some were running very fast and some running about as fast as I walk. Some had people cheering them on and some were doing it all alone.
   I'm not one to stand on the sidelines so when I saw my opening, I took a deep breath and I fell back in to my walk. No one seemed to notice I did not wear a number pinned to my t-shirt. No one seemed to notice much of anything except where their next step was and who was in their way. I kept myself out of the chaotic middle which is how I like to live my life. But I also kept myself in the game, at my pace in my time, and yes, walking not running, I reached my finish line.

Are you setting your pace or is someone else setting it for you?
Do you hold yourself back when things seem to get too crowded or do you forge on?

Whether it's running or business, everyone who wants to improve their game will benefit from a coach. If you are looking to take yours up a notch, check out One on One Coaching!

Courage Is In The Eyes Of The Beholder

2011-07-15T09:51:00.001-04:00

   The other night I had dinner with a friend who was in town after moving away last year to Hawaii. She is one of those people whose courage I always admire so I told her so. I know how hard it is to pick up and move to a new city where you don't know anyone. Add on that the new city is a14 hour plane ride away and I call that very brave.
   Her first reaction was to tell me no, she didn't feel all that courageous, but then she thought about it and saw the truth through my eyes. Of course when she threw it back to me and suggested I too was brave, I had a digestion problem of my own.
   I strive to be. I have it written in my manifesto. Be Brave. Have courage to do something different. But I don't call myself brave. I think of it more as a way I want to be than a way I necessarily live.

   I am aware that from the outside looking in I appear courageous. After all not everyone is willing to give up a 25 year career mid-life to forge a new one. But I'm also the same person who will avoid walking over the subway grates even if it means stepping into oncoming traffic because I live in fear that one of them will get loose and I'll fall through onto the top of a speeding subway car. That is not what I call a brave person.
   So perhaps courage is really how you view it. The same person who might never leave their safe and secure office job will choose to go sky diving on the weekends. Someone else might be brave enough to run into burning buildings for a living but still break out in a sweat over the thoughts of trying a new brand of toothpaste. For some that phone call to the CEO they've never met because they want a job does not feel at all brave, yet dial their ex to tell them they made a mistake breaking up three months ago and want to get back together and they back out of the room with their knees buckling.
   We seem to know what we are afraid to do, yet acting with fearlessness and daring is barely a thought when it stems from our deepest truth. When my friend made the decision to quit her job and move to Hilo she took the first step and did not move forward thinking herself brave but simply doing something that felt like it was the only choice at that moment. I've no doubt it a similar sensation to what occurred in me when I said no more to corporate life.
   Sometimes our boldest acts of courage are indeed the easiest only because they ring so true that we know we have no other choice but to do it. And it is only in the eyes of those watching that we are reminded that we are indeed very brave.

What does courageous look like to you?

Courageous enough to enlist the help of a coach?
Check out One on One Coaching or Let's Get it Started!

Stopping on a Sunday

2011-07-10T19:11:00.000-04:00

Do you ever just want to say STOP? It's all moving too fast. There is too much to do. You're tired of juggling. You're exhausted from the exhaustion. And then when you give in to it and allow yourself the break, telling yourself you deserve a little rest and relaxation you can't. You're too wired to keep it all going to stop. You feel guilty. You're losing time on your project. If you rest too long you're convinced someone or something else is going to beat you to whatever it is you have decided your claim to fame will be.

I do.

But that didn't prevent me from stopping today to languish in the glow of the summer sun. Dip my toe in the ocean, let the heels of my feet sink deep into the soft sand. To catch up under my beach umbrella with an old friend. The kind that knows you from when you didn't know you. The kind that you don't talk to but every so often, but when you do it was like yesterday you last chatted. The kind who never seems to age because in her eyes you see her sixteen-year old self and she yours. The kind you know that if you each live to be 100 you will still be friends. The kind worth stopping on a Sunday for.

Top Ten Things to Adore About Coaches

2011-07-05T09:40:00.000-04:00

Dara Emerita McKinley is one of the really cool women I know that hang around the School of Womanly Arts. She calls herself, "a warrior for the creative and healing power of our feminine essence and the rise of emotionally brilliant folks." She blogs, teaches classes and writes books on the subject of "provocative and soul stirring feminine truth."
She recently wrote a blog on the top ten things she adores about working with a coach.
Here's what she said:

"The word “coach” usually elicits images of stressed-out, angry men standing on the sidelines. However, life coaching is all about creativity, nurturance and becoming. Thus, in my eyes this profession is 100% divinely feminine.

I hired a coach in November when I finally admitted that all the successful people I admired had one. It was one of THE BEST decisions I made in 2010.Thus, for your reading pleasure only, I compiled the top ten things I adore about coaching:

Deepest Truth. Good coaches know they aren’t going to get anywhere unless the client is rooted beyond rooted in their deepest truths. Coaching is always on the hunt for “resonance,” unveiling and attending to all the things that make a client light up from the depths.
Protection. Anyone who dares to live their genius is going to have some major (MAJOR) tussles with doubt. Coaches take on the task of warding off doubt. I can’t tell you how helpful it has been to have someone on my team who specializes in getting doubt to take a hike.
More Protection. Not only does doubt have something to worry about when you have a coach on your side, but so do negative emotions and beliefs. When an emotion or belief somehow takes the center stage of my business, my coach is there to identify the culprit, find out what it has to offer and then position it to serve, not sabotage.
Coaches don’t believe in the impossible. When I think I have hit a dead end, my coach shines her torch on all the other options that I was completely ignoring because I was so focused on the dead end. Coaches = possibilities.
Coaches bring on the Vitamin See. Yes, as you can imagine, this is one of my faves and was one of my main reasons for hiring my coach. I realized I had dug myself into a professional hole of solitude and when you don’t have any reflection (especially if you are woman) you are taking the long, hard, and in my adorable opinion, destructive road.
Coaches push creative edges. However I might think things are going to look and take shape, my coach always pushes my creative edge towards bigger, better and easier. Love this.
Coaches are a well of resources. So I don’t get bogged down by all the minutiae I must accomplish, my coach offers wonderful referrals. Since we have regularly scheduled appointments, I have an “ask Tanya” list that frees up a lot of mental space.
Accountability. Everyone who works their online biz from home (which is probably 99% of folks) knows that the dark side is all the potential distraction (Facebook, online shopping and Celebitchy are some of my faves.) Coaches provide structure, finish lines, someone to answer to and hold you accountable within the nebulousness of working from home.
Coaching is on the phone. I don’t have to hustle across town, find parking or pay a meter. I just plug in my headset, find a quiet, kid-free place, and it’s on.
Coaches CHEER YOU ON AND CELEBRATE! Since they are on the frontlines, they see all the big AND small accomplishments and insist that ALL of them are honored. It’s so fab and important.

Now, as a disclaimer, Dara is not my client. But I'm sharing her wisdom with you because I too believe that hiring a coach is critical to success. Depending where you are in your life the speciality of your coach might vary from health, to pleasure, to business ( like me). When choosing one you cannot underestimate your personal connection to the individual. So as Dara suggests, shop around. She has several suggestions to start with. Here is what she said about me.

"Joanne is a straight shot business and life coach. She had a 25 year LOVE affair with corporate America AND is a woman who lives from her deepest feminine powers. An indomitable combination."

Thank you Dara. I am honored.
For more on Dara Emerita McKinley please visit her website, Volvernow.com or follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

Anything Can Happen If You Let It

2011-06-30T18:53:00.000-04:00

I expected a night of enjoyment. I expected the kind of magic that only something with a Disney touch can provide. I expected to hum along the words I knew so well. I expected to delight in watching my adopted niece enchanted by the dance and the music. What I did not expect when I walked into the Amsterdam Theatre last night was to hear Mary Poppins feeding me wisdom along with that spoonful of sugar.

This is a children's story after all. I didn't recall learning anything more from the story than all the words to Chim Chim Cer-ee and Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. If Mary Poppins had served me up a deeper message back in the Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke version, I didn't remember.

Until she uttered those words. "Anything can happen if you let it."

The words ran through every cell of my being.
Anything can happen if you let it.
Of course it can! I know that. I believed that as I child. I forgot it for a very long time, buried under that pile of twists and turns life takes us on. I've studied and worked long and hard to relearn that wisdom and embrace the truth of what she was saying.

Making things happen was about allowing them to.
I could think of a long list of spiritual teachers from Abraham Hicks to Florence Scovel Shinn with a version of this I had read. But Mary Poppins? Is that really where I heard it first?

I caught the face of my niece who sat mesmerized by the lights and the music. A little girl, who if not for the love, generosity and never wavering faith in this very belief of the woman who is her mother, would still be sitting inside of an orphanage in Guatemala instead of the oldest theatre on Broadway surrounded by her cousins and aunts and grandmother.

Whether she heard Mary Poppins as I did last night is of no matter. It is in her cells as it was in mine. And if along the way she forgets she will have moments like last night when it hits her and she will feel the full truth of the statement. She might do as I did, start counting up all the miracles that she can remember that manifested when she allowed them to. Starting with the one that is her.

The Picture of My Intuition

2011-06-23T12:45:00.000-04:00

The secret of fortune is joy in our hands.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

If I were to picture my intuition as a person she would be me, albeit the wiser, calmer version of myself than the person I am at this moment. My intuition would have that grace and serenity that I visualize when I am attempting my ten minute minimum of daily meditation. She smiles, she knows, she trusts in me, in the process and in the Universe.

She looks like the person others see when they come to ask me advice, to coach them, to guide them, to offer suggestions. If we were to sit down for dinner later today my intuition would tell me to stop wasting energy worrying and trying to think things through too much. She would tell me to meditate more and to listen for her voice, that she has never and will never steer me wrong. She would remind me she is always available for me to hear it's just that I'm not always paying attention. She'd most likely add in that I should start with eating a bit slower and giving more thought to each bite.

I am participating in the #Trust30 30-day writing challenge from ralphwaldoemerson.me. This is Prompt#23 courtesy of Susan Piver

Turn Up The Volume

2011-06-22T07:55:00.001-04:00

Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Enthusiasm is contagious. It's that child like quality of seeing the light and fun in the simplest of things. And when we allow ourselves to tap into it our whole being changes. People want what we have.

The question is how do we do that? How do we bring more of that joy and excitement into our work?

I think it starts with grounding ourselves. For some that might be meditation. For others movement. Or if you are me a little of both. Breathe and visual what your end result is going to look like. Smile. Remember why you do what you do. Be grateful. Maybe turn up the music to your favorite song, a little Lady Gaga always does it for me. Sing and dance your heart back to the place where you can feel and trust in the process. And remember to smile. The simple act of curling up your lips changes your energy from flat towards enthusiasm.

Let yourself be you. You are the drug the world wants to see and if you allow yourself you can call you up on demand.

If you don't believe me, turn up the volume right now and take a little dance break. It really works.
I am participating in the #Trust30 30-day writing challenge from ralphwaldoemerson.me. This is prompt #21

A Midsummer's Night Scheme

2011-06-21T00:10:00.000-04:00

The word solstice is derived from the Latin “sol” meaning sun and “sistere”, to cause to stand still. The technical reasoning is that as the summer solstice approaches, each day the sun at noon rises higher in the sky than the day before until it reaches a point where it stands still.

Most of us don’t think about that part when we think of June 21. We think the official start to summer. We think the longest day of the year. We think Shakespeare and a Midsummer’s Night Dream. And if you’re me you think ancient pagan rituals with bonfires and music and the promise of magic in the air.

But standing still? That is something most of us think we have no time for.

I realize I might be losing some of you here, but bear with me. I’ve had a fascination with the concept of Midsummer since it was required reading in the ninth grade.

Midsummer has always been thought to be that time when the sun is at the peak of its power, the earth is green and there is promise of bountiful harvest to come. Historically it has been filled with festival and tradition. There was the belief that if lovers jumped through the flames of the bonfires, their crops would grow as high as they were able to jump.

Now I am not about to suggest you build a bonfire on your balcony but what if you did find some time today to stand still and to think. Just for a few moments to dream. And if that is too much for you try calling it a scheme. What do you want to harvest this fall?

Is it as simple as those tomatoes you keep promising yourself you will plant in your garden or is updating your resume? Are you ready to write your own manifesto or put the money down on that winery? Are you content to let your business idle at the same speed or are you ready to take it to a new level?

It’s Midsummer. The longest day of the year. Take the time to stand still for a few moments and breathe. And then tell me your scheme and I might tell you mine.

Testing the Dreams

2011-06-17T08:23:00.001-04:00

Abide in the simple and noble regions of thy life, obey thy heart. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Write down your top three dreams. Now write down what’s holding you back from them.

(Author: Michael Rad)

It's day 17 of the #Trust30 writing challenge. If challenge is defined as a task or situation that tests someone's abilities, mine are being tested.

I didn't post yesterday. Yesterday's prompt was in writing about my future. It wasn't that I don't have a clear vision of what I would like that to look like, it's just that it was starting to sound repetitive to me. Sort of like of like my post in response to what I would do with one week left to live or the blog in response to what the one thing you have always wanted to accomplish would be or what I would say to the person I am in five years. Truth told, it was starting to bore me and if it was boring me, what about you, my readers?

It got me thinking that maybe this was like one of those standardized tests in which the same questions are asked several times, just slightly rephrased, to assess the validity of your answers. If these prompts continue to be variations on a theme, will my answers eventually change and will anyone notice? And if I notice will my choice be to step deeper into them or gauge the"that might not be realistic meter" and start to water them down?

I was hopeful that today would have a fresh spin. But here we are with today's prompt, asking what my top three dreams are. So in case, you or the Universe have not been paying attention read carefully.

To be an insanely successful published writer. To create and inspire change in others through my writing, coaching and speaking. To love and receive love, deep, mad, passionate, all consuming, soul connecting love.

As for what is stopping me from realizing any of these dreams. Only me. Occasionally getting in my own way.

If you feel you haven't been asked this question too much lately, tell me, what are your top 3 dreams right now?

Walking My Path

2011-06-15T09:16:00.001-04:00

#Trust30 30-day writing challenge from ralphwaldoemerson.me

When good is near you, when you have life in yourself, it is not by any known or accustomed way; you shall not discern the foot-prints of any other; you shall not see the face of man; you shall not hear any name;—— the way, the thought, the good, shall be wholly strange and new. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Writing Prompt
Can you remember a moment in your life when you had life in yourself and it was wholly strange and new? Can you remember the moment when you stopped walking a path of someone else, and started cutting your own?
Write about that moment. And if you haven’t experienced it yet, let the miracle play out in your mind’s eye and write about that moment in your future.
(Author: Bridget Pilloud)

My Response

I have always walked my own path, I believe we all do. In hindsight it may look like we were treading the steps of someone else, because at that moment we were a different individual. It is in those steps we take and the choices we make that we evolve, hopefully closer to our own truth.

I can look back and wonder who that woman was who taught seventh grade, who looked for ways to skip gym in high school and who was brave enough to leave the school system for the corporate one. There are photographs of a woman with permed hair, or short hair, in suits with shoulder pads, a woman with extra pounds, a very thin teenager. But if you look at the eyes and the smile, she was always me, albeit a different version.

But in those moments of the really big changes, when I moved to DC to take a promotion or moved back to NYC to enter a different segment of my industry or left the corporate career to be where I am now I felt an energy rushing through me I thought I had never felt before. Those first moments of big change are like the early stages of new love when you feel so alive and full of excitement for the unknown that you wonder if you will ever feel that again. The air seems cleaner, the flowers more fragrant. You smile at everyone and it seems they are smiling right back.

Even as you are rushing forward to a new part of you, there is a slow down. A noticing of what will be different. From the place you get your morning coffee to how your interactions with new people and places will shift and change you.

Each time I knew something was different and I was about to change. I was always careful to pause and snap a little photograph for my memory book of what was my truth in that moment.

What I Am Not Seeing

2011-06-13T19:40:00.000-04:00

#Trust30 30-day writing challenge from ralphwaldoemerson.me.

When good is near you, when you have life in yourself, it is not by any known or accustomed way; you shall not discern the foot-prints of any other; you shall not see the face of man; you shall not hear any name; the way, the thought, the good, shall be wholly strange and new. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Writing Prompt

The world buzzes about goals and visions. Focus. Create a vivid picture of exactly where you want to go. Dream big, then don’t let anything or anyone stop you. The problem, as Daniel Gilbert wrote in Stumbling Upon Happiness, is that we’re horrible at forecasting how we’ll really feel 10 or 20 years from now – once we’ve gotten what we dreamed of. Often, we get there only to say, “That’s not what I thought it would be,” and ask, “What now?” Ambition is good. Blind ambition is not. It blocks out not only distraction, but the many opportunities that might take you off course but that may also lead you in a new direction. Consistent daily action is only a virtue when bundled with a willingness to remain open to the unknown. In this exercise, look at your current quest and ask, “What alternative opportunities, interpretations and paths am I not seeing?” They’re always there, but you’ve got to choose to see them.

(Author: Jonathan Fields)

My Response

I'm all about staying open to what shows up. That doesn't mean it's easy to do. When we've got a vision the tendency is to hold on tight to it, sometimes so tight that your hands hurt too much to notice anything else.

I wanted a book deal before I left Corporate America. It turns out I got a severance package first. I saw it coming and stayed open to it. I always thought fiction was the kind of writing I was best at. Turns out I'm pretty good at non-fiction too. My agent suggested we run with that. And that book deal for the novel. I was holding so tightly to the idea of a traditional publishing house picking me up I forgot that self-publishing was an option. Now I'm planning on that for this summer. Coaching was never in the original plan, but people kept asking for it and telling me I was good. So I seized the opportunity and discovered I can inspire and create change through the written word and the spoken word.

What else am I not seeing? I can't get a glimpse of much else right now, but if you can do let me know.

Sssh...It's a Surprise

2011-06-12T19:05:00.000-04:00

#Trust30 30-day writing challenge from ralphwaldoemerson.me.

I will not hide my tastes or aversions. I will so trust that what is deep is holy, if we follow the truth, it will bring us out safe at last. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Writing Prompt
Think of a time when you didn’t think you were capable of doing something, but then surprised yourself. How will you surprise yourself this week?
(Author: Ashley Ambirge)

My Response
When I used to think about leaving the structure of a traditional job I did not think I could do it. I could not fathom what a work day would look like without someone else giving me an outline to work from. I craved the routine. There was a safety to it that I could not imagine extricating myself from.

So I am surprised that I chose to leave that environment, even more so that I do not miss any of the way my work day was. Not one bit. That I am never wondering what to do, but rather how will I get all that I want to do in regards to my work completed. I am even more surprised that I ever found the old way pleasurable.

As for this week? How will I surprise myself?
Let's just say, it's still a surprise.

Nothing But The Real Thing

2011-06-11T12:10:00.000-04:00

#Trust30 30-day writing challenge from ralphwaldoemerson.me

Imitation is Suicide. Insist on yourself; never imitate. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Writing Prompt: Write down in which areas of your life you have to overcome these suicidal tendencies of imitation, and how you can transform them into a newborn you – one that doesn’t hide its uniqueness, but thrives on it. There is a “divine idea which each of us represents” – which is yours?

(Author: Fabian Kruse)

I never thought of it as imitation but rather as conforming to what society says I should be, but perhaps that is imitation. When you hide your truths because of a vision someone or something else holds of you. Imitating dims an individuals light. It blurs our vision looking in and looking out.

I conformed for many years. Imitated at times. But no more. The divine idea inside me is my desire to inspire and create change, through my writing, coaching, speaking, or even an ordinary conversation with the dry cleaner. I want everyone to live their true selves.

Imitation is a world that looks like The Stepford Wives in which no one smiles. Insisting on yourself looks more like Lady Gaga in which everyone wants to dance.

Some days it's easier to live in imitation mode. Most days it's not.
I'm insisting on me today.
How about you?

My Message To The Masses

2011-06-09T11:01:00.000-04:00

#Trust30 30-day writing challenge from ralphwaldoemerson.me

The Quote

To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, that is genius. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Writing Prompt ....What is burning deep inside of you? If you could spread your personal message RIGHT NOW to 1 million people, what would you say? (Author: Eric Handler)

That would be My Manifesto. Right here. Right now.

Too Scary to Write

2011-06-08T19:46:00.000-04:00

#Trust30 30-day writing challenge from ralphwaldoemerson.me.

The Quote

The other terror that scares us from self-trust is our consistency; a reverence for our past act or word, because the eyes of others have no other data for computing our orbit than our past acts, and we are loath to disappoint them. Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Writing Prompt
Emerson says: “Always do what you are afraid to do.” What is ‘too scary’ to write about? Try doing it now.
(Author: Mary Jaksch)

My response

I think what is too scary for me to write about are my own terrors. Not the made up ones in the mind of a character in a fictional story I concoct or even those of others I observe in daily life. But my own. The real life terrors that creep into my head that divert me from my writing. Those fears that all I am working on will implode, that I will be alone forever, that I am not enough, not good enough, smart enough or engaging enough to inspire. That the naysayers could turn out to be right and I should have just kept working in the field I was in, no matter how little it fed my soul and tore away at my creativity.

My horror is if I put them down on paper they have a chance of becoming real. Yet even as I write this I find myself smiling at how little substance they really have. I can see them losing their power and evaporating in a puff of smoke in front of me. All by owning up to them.

So why then not write about what we are most afraid to every day?

Five Years Back, Five Years Forward

2011-06-07T11:16:00.000-04:00

#Trust30 30-day writing challenge from ralphwaldoemerson.me.

The Quote
There will be an agreement in whatever variety of actions, so they be each honest and natural in their hour.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Writing Prompt
What would you say to the person you were five years ago? What will you say to the person you’ll be in five years?
(Author: Corbett Barr)

My Response

Don't worry so much, it will all work out.
See, didn't I tell you not to worry.

You thought you were getting too old to create real change.
You're still making change, you always will be, it's who you are.

Remember how frightened you were of letting go of the life you had?
Aren't you glad you took the leap?

It's OK to want to follow your passion.
You've inspired others to do the same.

Listen to what your heart and your core tells you, not anything less.
You did what you had to do and look how much better you are for it.

What Are You Waiting For?

2011-06-06T19:25:00.002-04:00

#Trust30 30-day writing challenge from ralphwaldoemerson.me.
The Quote
Our arts, our occupations, our marriages, our religion, we have not chosen, but society has chosen for us. We are parlour soldiers. We shun the rugged battle of fate, where strength is born.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Writing Prompt
“Next to Resistance, rational thought is the artist or entrepreneurs worst enemy. Bad things happen when we employ rational thought, because rational thought comes from the ego. Instead, we want to work from the Self, that is, from instinct and intuition, from the unconscious.
A child has no trouble believing the unbelievable, nor does the genius or the madman. Its only you and I, with our big brains and our tiny hearts, who doubt and overthink and hesitate.” - Steven Pressfield, Do the Work
The idea of “being realistic” holds all of us back. From starting a business or quitting a job to dating someone who may not be our type or moving to a new place – getting “real” often means putting your dreams on hold.
Today, let’s take a step away from rational thought and dare to be bold. What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to accomplish but have been afraid to pursue? Write it down. Also write down the obstacles in your way of reaching your goal. Finally, write down a tangible plan to overcome each obstacle.
The only thing left is to, you know, actually go make it happen. What are you waiting for?
(Author: Matt Cheuvront)

My Response
Me? I'm not waiting. I took the step away from rational thought almost 3 years ago when I ditched the corporate world to pursue the life of a writer and coach, although at the time it was just about the writing. The real vision of inspiring and creating change had yet to morph, but that is what happens when you "Start before you are ready," as Steve Pressfield writes in Do The Work. The plan now is to self-publish the first novel this summer and then finish the sample chapter for my non-fiction book proposal and go the traditional route on that. Or do I finish that chapter first ? I'm not sure but I'll let you know what happens.

How to overcome the obstacles? Sit in this chair, keep typing and be prepared to do battle with the resistance.

With But A Week Left

2011-06-05T21:19:00.000-04:00

#Trust30 30-day writing challenge from ralphwaldoemerson.me.
The Quote

Life wastes itself while we are preparing to live.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

The writing prompt
If you had one week left to live, would you still be doing what you’re doing now? In what areas of your life are you preparing to live? Take them off your To Do list and add them to a To Stop list. Resolve to only do what makes you come alive.
Bonus: How can your goals improve the present and not keep you in a perpetual “always something better” spiral?
(Author: Jonathan Mead)

My response
I would be doing exactly what I am doing now, inspiring and creating change, writing and coaching. Perhaps the one shift would be to let myself gravitate to the writing that most moves me at the moment, instead that which must be done because I am on deadline or because I made a promise to complete. Case in point, honoring my pledge to #Trust30.

This prompt left me flat. But if I honor its suggestion to resolve to do only that which makes me come alive, perhaps my pledge to #Trust30 should shift. And I will resolve to respond only to those which tap my creative juice.

My One Place

2011-06-04T11:24:00.000-04:00

#Trust30 30-day writing challenge from ralphwaldoemerson.me.
If we live truly, we shall see truly. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The writing prompt:
Not everyone wants to travel the world, but most people can identify at least one place in the world they’d like to visit before they die. Where is that place for you, and what will you do to make sure you get there?
(Author: Chris Guillebeau)

My response:
I detest being asked to identify just one thing in any category. My tastes and desires vary so much from moment to moment. But then that is my prerogative both as a being, more so as a woman. So where is that one place I have yet to visit that I must get to before I die. Is it the Pyramids in Egypt or Machu Picchu in Peru? Is it the Opera House in Sydney or a river cruise up the Nile? Perhaps the South African coast or Delphi in Greece?

I say yes to all of the above and no to one signal destination. For the truth is the one place I want to visit most before I die most is not a destination, but a journey to the depths of my soul. The place I want to visit more than any other rests inside of me. The ability to love deeply, work passionately, cry buckets when necessary and laugh until my belly hurts. It is not a single event, or one moment in time, but a series of each .

How will I get there? By living each day doing at least one thing that terrifies me.

Today it was writing this post.

The Challenge of the Moment

2011-06-03T13:28:00.000-04:00

#Trust30 Day 4

The Quote
That which each can do best, none but his Maker can teach him. Where is the master who could have taught Shakespeare? Where is the master who could have instructed Franklin, or Washington, or Bacon, or Newton? . . . Shakespeare will never be made by the study of Shakespeare. Do that which is assigned you, and you cannot hope too much or dare too much.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Prompt
Identify one of your biggest challenges at the moment (ie I don’t feel passionate about my work) and turn it into a question (ie How can I do work I’m passionate about?) Write it on a post-it and put it up on your bathroom mirror or the back of your front door. After 48-hours, journal what answers came up for you and be sure to evaluate them.
Bonus: tweet or blog a photo of your post-it.

My Post It

I'll let you know after the weekend how I did getting this chapter finished!
If you need a catch up on my 30 Day Pledge, read my post on Trust and then Check out #Trust30 for more details.

Trust

2011-06-01T08:28:00.001-04:00

One of the greatest challenges I have faced in the last several years is trust. Trusting my decisions. Trusting the process. Trusting the Universe will deliver exactly what I need when I need it. Especially on the days when what is showing up seems as far away from what that is as could be.

When I was younger I put my trust in others, whether it was in people, my parents, my friends, the men I loved or the school system that I was taught in and later in the organizations I worked for. It took me years of living and learning to understand that who I had to trust the most was me. My instincts, my determination, my choices.

Still I admit to having days when I have no trust whatsover in me and when I wonder just what the #*/?** am I doing. Yesterday was one of those days.

I was still feeling pretty disjointed and disgruntled with me when I awoke at 5:30AM this morning. In an aimless moment, a big cup of coffee in hand and a big desire to accomplish something I sat at my computer and decided to go through the sundry newsletters that fill my email inboxes.

There was this one from The Domino Project with the heading : Trust Yourself(#Trust 30) Writing Challenge.

I've signed up. I downloaded this new edition of Ralph Waldo Emerson's Self Reliance from Amazon. I will be blogging, tweeting, and posting on Facebook my reflections over the next month. Yes I am a day late in starting, May 31 being the official kick off. But I trust there is perfection in that.

Today's prompt: How would I describe today in one sentence?

Today is a gorgeous, glittering, larger than life bright yellow and red neon sign from the Universe that it is time for me to reaffirm my trust in me.

What I Know For Sure

2011-05-27T00:01:00.002-04:00

Dear Oprah,

What I know for sure is that I cringe at endings. As much as I like change, look forward to what's next and love the start of anything new, especially a good book, I get twisted up when something ends. And that is how I feel now.

I don't like that my DVR will not be clicking in at 4PM every day just to make sure I didn't miss a really good show. I don't like that a reasonable voice in a sea of media insanity will be harder to come by. I don't like that I haven't published my novel in time to get you to pick it for your book club. I don't like that you are choosing this particular time, when the world is in such turmoil and so much is shifting and changing to give us one more upset.

But I do understand what it means to get to that point in a long and good run when you know you have to end it. That it is the only way to make room for something new.

I started this blog when I made a choice to leave my corporate career after, yes, 25 years, that magic number, because my core spoke to me and told me there was no other choice, not if I wanted to keep growing. It was time.

What I know for sure is how it feels that first Monday after the last day when you get up and make the coffee and realize you don't have to go where you used to go. When all of those familiarities of daily life are missing until you create a new set. I have lived with the challenge of taking on something brand new, listening to people question your decision, and live with nothing more than trust and faith that it will all work out, it always does.

A lot of people say they grew up watching you. I like to say we aged together. I was born at the other end of the same year you were. While in so many respects our upbringing was vastly different, we were both raised in a world of Leave it to Beaver and Father Knows Best in which women were portrayed as changing light bulbs in their high heels. And because of that I marvel even more at what you have accomplished.

What I know for sure is your influence knows no bounds. In a day of sensationalist interviewing, you maintained professionalism and class, allowing your viewers to reach their own conclusions without feeling they had been arm wrestled. And for that you won clout and our respect.

My favorite quote was in the NY Times on Thursday when they said "Ms.Winfrey blends the mystical and the practical better than anyone else in show business."

It is the mystical that is the divine feminine and the practical that is the male and only in balance will the world be healed. You've helped to set that healing in motion. For that I thank you.

Less than three weeks after you launched in 1986 my father died. I couldn't imagine the world would go on without him. But it did and so will ours without Oprah at 4.

As for you Oprah, what I know for sure is that you will build OWN to be worthy of your name. I also know change is not without its bumps no matter how much you sought it. So feel free to stop by my blog and peruse some of the early entries. I'm told they can be helpful :)

Your fan,

Joanne

The Secret: Remembering to Have Fun

2011-05-25T08:14:00.001-04:00

I admitted it publicly here back in March when the season first started, but unless you've been following my Twitter stream you don't know the whole truth. I never stopped watching. The whole season. Every week. I knew how hooked I was when I logged in to http://abc.go.com/ and started voting. I couldn't help myself. I was addicted, all over again.

And now the morning after the season finale of Dancing with the Stars I want to avoid the inevitable withdrawal and I know no other way than to digest with you here.

Kirstie Alley was the reason I started watching again and Kirstie was the reason I stayed. Yes, I developed a crush on Hines Ward. Who wouldn't? His enthusiasm was contagious. I mean how could you not smile when Hines was dancing. His energy was palpable. Besides, the transformation of a wide receiver for the Pittsburgh Steelers into graceful dancer is what the show is all about. Not to mention the chemistry with Hines and Kym.

It wasn't Chelsea Kane that kept me hooked. As good a dancer as she was, as clean and crisp and studied her steps, Chelsea never really looked like she was enjoying what she was doing, nor for that matter did her equally talented partner. They took it all a bit too seriously to captivate the masses.

And then there was their obsession with how young they were compared to everyone else. Chelsea would refer to the demographics of the show while waiting for her scores as though your average DWTS viewer knew what she was referrring to or cared. It seemed an attempt to justify just in case she and Mark did not make it to the next week. I never quite got how they didn't see their youth was an asset if only in stamina and flexibility and that an older person (that would be me) would vote for someone younger if they felt them deserving.

I've no doubt that as Chelsea is trying to figure out what she did wrong, not only losing, but coming in third to Kirstie's second, she is still not getting it. So I'm going to let her in on the secret.

This competition is not about doing it right or wrong. It is not just about the steps being perfect, the choreography detailed and learning the dances. It is about having fun. It is about transformation. It is about stretching your being to do something you never did before or thought you could do. It is about inspiring the viewers that maybe they too might want to try something they never thought possible for them. It is about enjoying yourself and letting it show.

Kirstie was my hero this season. There were many who thought she was just one more over fifty woman who would hang out for a while, entertain the audience with her star presence but never really learn how to dance. Wrong! Kirstie did learn how to dance. She fell and picked herself up with grace. She lost her shoe and did not miss a step. She did not use her age or excess weight as excuses but rather challenges only she could get past. She captivated Max to want to show her how, tough Max, known for his impatience and getting angry at his partners. No one could possibly argue that she earned her place in the finals last night.

Above all she had fun. She took her pleasure in every moment. And she communicated it to the audience as did Hines who took home the Mirrorball trophy with Kym.

That's my lesson for Chelsea. It is not enough to be really good at what you do if you take yourself too seriously and don't look like you're having fun. And you can do that at any age.

Are you having fun and enjoying your challenges?

Does it show?

Doing The Work

2011-05-16T06:52:00.001-04:00

If you've been wondering where I have been this past week I've been following Steve Pressfield's advice and I've been doing the Work. That is when I was not reading his latest book, which coincidentally is entitled, Do The Work.

Steve says he designed the book to coach the reader through a project, from start to finish, as seen from the point of Resistance. It doesn't matter what the project is, a business venture or a novel.

If you are not sure what Resistance is it's that stuff that stops you from doing what your soul is calling you to do. Seth Godin calls it the lizard brain. For me, it's this ugly spiny centipede type of monster that tries to pull me in every direction but towards the work. When in full regalia my Resistance clouds my brain in such a manner that I cannot remember how to put even one word on a piece of paper. My Resistance avoids this chair I am sitting in because it knows that once seated I might just find the strength to push the demon away. You see you can't permanently slay this dragon. You can only quiet it long enough to get the Work done.

Do The Work is the first book I've read on my brand new iPad. If you have one of these handy gadgets you know how easy it is to highlight your favorite passages. I won't list all of mine here because, really, it would be easier for you to just read the book. Which I suggest you do.

But I will share this one.

"Start before you are ready."

That is what I did yesterday when I realized that I had won over my monster on all counts except writing this blog.

Are you doing the work or fighting the resistance?

Do The Work is recommended reading as is another of Steve's books on the subject of Resistance, The War of Art. The Kindle edition of Do The Work is free thanks to the generous sponsorship of GE and Seth Godin's innovative new publishing company The Domino Project, but if you are like me, you'll want a hardcover edition as well. This is the kind of reading, bookshelves were made for.

In Gratitude For My Mom

2011-05-08T00:01:00.002-04:00

When I was younger I lived in fear that my mother would die when I turned 17. As I grew closer to that age I would lay awake at night, the street light casting its shadow on the shag carpet in my bedroom, terrified, often counting down the months and days we had left. I never went to my mother to tell her how scared I was. This was the sixties. It was a rare family that talked about feelings and fears. Most of us had parents who grew up in the Depression and survived WWll. Food, shelter and clothing were their top of mind concerns not a young girl's imagination run wild.

But it was not just something my creative mind pulled from nowhere. Like all good fiction it was based on a kernel of fact. My mother had lost her mother when she was 17. I grew up thinking that everything that happened to her would happen to me at exactly the same time.

Turns out I had my own life to live and part of that has been the gift of still having my mother by my side at 88 and going strong. Like any relationship that lasts this long, we've had our share of ups and downs. Years of only knowing how to speak to each in a high pitched voice filled with impatience and disagreeing on everything from my new hairstyle to why she insists on frozen broccoli when fresh is so easy to come by.

The big turning point happened within the last decade. It seemed to coincide with me learning to like me more. You see it turns out we are similar in many more ways than a strong physical resemblance. The source of our disagreements over the years were those hot buttons we each had, the things each of us did not like in ourselves was even harder to take in when we saw it mirrored back.

Then I took my very first class at the School of Womanly Arts with another mama I am in gratitude for, Mama Gena. I had little idea what I was signing up for at the time, but I will tell you the last thing I thought it was going to get me was a better relationship with my mother. But it did.

Something happened as I learned to love me more. I started to look for what was right and not wrong in me. I started to embrace my imperfections right along side the stuff I was proud of. So when I saw those qualities in my mom I reacted differently. It didn't anger me. It made me smile. And in turn she discovered more of her own adorableness.

Mom tells me we started out with her teaching me everything and now she learns from me. That is what happens when you are as lucky as I am, to be a fiftysomething woman who still has her mama to hold her hand. Things change. And as she likes to remind me, these days it is her holding my hand.

To you Mom, I am grateful for your laughter, your warmth, your generosity, your sense of style, the way we can laugh and be silly, teaching me to cook and bake and the importance of family and connection. Most of all I am grateful for your unconditional and never failing love. Happy Mom's Day!

Me and Mom